


I Give My Heart For You To Heal

by missyoubabycakes



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Happy ending!!!, I promise, M/M, anyways!!!, but do not worry my friends, but there will be a bit of angst eventually, fluff fluff fluff, i changed her name sorry, i decided to make harry's sister younger than him, it'll be just a bit, it's kind of funny as well, it's okay if you haven't watched, life as we know it - Freeform, so it's not gemma, this is based on one of my favorite movies, ummmmm there's a bunch of, you'll still understand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-01-23 04:29:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 57,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12498784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missyoubabycakes/pseuds/missyoubabycakes
Summary: "I can't believe I ever listened to Kaitlyn into agreeing on this stupid not date." He grunts loudly, making sure that Louis The Fucking Tommo listens."Just go back inside and read a book or something!" Louis yells back as he jumps onto his bike, angrily putting on his helmet."Fuck you."Louis throws a finger at him, and then he's off.orthe one where Louis' best mate gets married to Harry's best friend, and they can't really stand each other, so what do they do when something tragic is set to change their lives?





	1. We Can Take A Part This Life We're Building

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> these are all about to be really short chapters, okay? some will probably be a little bit longer than intended, but mostly...all short chapters like this one! 
> 
> and there you go, enjoy it!

Harry has been staring at the black-suited man across from him for a few long seconds now, and he knows it's starting to make the guy uncomfortable, but he doesn't find it in himself to blink away his shock and avert his eyes from him and look elsewhere.

He's been sitting on this same chair for twenty minutes now and the only thing keeping him from slapping the man across the face is a huge dark wooden table between them, and also the only person he wouldn't want to be spending time with sitting next to him.

The black-suited man is looking back at both Harry and the one he'd once sworn he'd never have to see again (his best friend had other plans related to that, of course, since she made sure to do something that would force them to meet each other every single time), and he has a bunch of documents spread in front of him on the table along with two black pens by his left hand.

Harry must not be hearing right, because that's the only explanation to what he's understood from the words that left the black-suited man's mouth a few long seconds ago -- Harry can't cope with that. That must not be right.

The one next to him asked the black-suited man, Dr. Colleen, the lawyer handling this very tragic and life-changing case, to repeat himself and he did. He even explained every little detail to what's about to change Harry's life forever.

"This can't be right." He finally speaks up after the few long seconds he spent staring at the lawyer. "They wouldn't be this crazy."

And Harry really wishes that they wouldn't.

The thing is -- Harry lost his best friend the night before, and he hasn't stopped crying since this morning when Dr. Colleen arrived to talk to him and the one he dislikes the most.

Less than twenty-four hours before, Harry received a call from the Seattle Police Station, one of the Officers asking him to go over,  _it's urgent, Mr. Styles,_ he told him, and the first thing to cross his mind was his sister, always in so much trouble due to her douche of a boyfriend. Little did he know, though, that the words coming out of Officer Gavin would break his heart into pieces.  _Mr. Styles, I'm afraid Kaitlyn and Eric Meyer have been into a car crash,_ he told Harry with kind eyes and hushed voice.

Harry looked at him with wide eyes that were already watering,  _is everything okay? Are they okay? What about Nina?_ , he asked the Officer, heart racing. He couldn't bear to think the possibility of what turned out to happen.  _There were only the two of them in the car_ , he said,  _it seems the baby girl was with her babysitter in their home. The Social Services have been already contacted._  Harry stared at him with big watery eyes, and he knew what that meant. He just didn't want to believe.  _Social Services?_ , he repeated with a shaky voice, hands trembling against the sides of his body. Officer Gavin gave him a sad look,  _In cases like this, the immediate thing_   _to do is to contact them_ , when Harry wouldn't say anything, wearing nothing but a desperate and confused look on his face even though he understood the meaning of that, Officer Gavin continued with a kind voice,  _orphan cases_.

And that leads Harry here, to this moment, with puffy eyes and sore throat, a headache making him even more miserable.

"Why would they make us Nina's legal guardians in case they died?" He turns to the one he wants to punch across the face most of the times, the blue-eyed one; the pretty smile and soft brown hair one. "Why would they even die right now? Honestly, Louis, what the fuck is happening right now."

Louis, the one who pisses Harry off most of the times, turns his head slowly to look at him, tired eyes and dried lips. "Harry, just -- please. Just listen."

"I have been listening!" He snaps, running his hands through his face and looking back at the lawyer, still waiting for them to say something useful. "Look, Dr. Colleen, this can't be right. Can you read over there again? They must've meant they wanted Derek and Angela to be Nina's legal guardians."

"Are you fucking kidding, Harry?" Louis slams his hands against the table, interrupting Dr. Collen from whatever he was about to say. Harry looks at him, frowning and questioning. "Derek and Angela? Really? Don't you fucking remember how much Derek and Eric hated each other? It's not because Angela and Kaitlyn were  _colleagues_ that Eric was meant to be the same with Derek!"

"Harry, Louis." Dr. Colleen's loud voice interrupts Harry from snapping back at Louis and consequently makes both of them look at him, quieted down. "This isn't about both of you, it's about one-year-old Nina, who is currently at the orphanage right now, waiting for someone to pick her up, preferably you two. I don't care if you hate each other. The only thing I care is that Kaitlyn and Eric signed these papers that say you are to be legal guardians of their child in case something like this happened, and  _believe me_ , I tried to talk them out of this, but it seems they trusted you both with their lives. I know you trusted them, too, and I know you care deeply for Nina."

Harry is currently crying softly, running the back of his hands against his cheeks to dry the silent tears wetting his face, and Louis is quiet by his side, hands covering his whole face as he breathes in and out deeply.

"I know this is a really hard time, but I supposed both of you would be willing to try. I know you think you can't live in this house together, but think of it as a great deal of Nina's life. This is a child we're talking about here, and if you think you cannot, in any way, do this, then I'll be making some calls and they will find a family for Nina that will take care of her the way she needs."

That seems to dig a hole into Harry's heart -- thinking of Nina with some other family, someone they don't know, someone Kaitlyn and Eric never knew. How could he do that to them? How could he do that to Nina?

"Can you give us a moment?" Harry asks Dr. Colleen and he nods understandingly.

Harry drags his chair back away from the table and stands up, giving Louis a look, silently telling him to follow.

By the time they reach the living room, Harry is sobbing once again, but it's quicker this time, and when he finally looks at Louis, he has dried all the tears from his cheeks.

"We have to do this," Harry tells him with a quiet voice, almost whispering. "We can't let them take Nina away. I'd never forgive myself."

"How can we even live in this house, Harry?" Louis questions him tiredly, looking at him with pleading eyes. "This is a huge and expensive house, how can we pay for this?"

"The mortgage has been paid off." Harry tries one positive thing, but he knows that's just it.

"That's not the only thing to pay, you know that." Louis reasons and Harry hates him for being right.

"We can figure this out." Harry sighs. "This is Nina, Louis. Kaitlyn and Eric trusted her to us."

"They're so stupid." Louis breathes, and Harry notices his watery eyes.

"She's waiting for us to pick her up. Please let's sign those papers and go."

Louis is quiet for a moment, looking right into Harry's eyes -- green and blue meeting, always angry at each other, but now it's different. Feels different. It has to be different.

"Yeah, god," Louis nods as he dries up some few tears that wet his cheeks. "Let's go, it's been too fucking long already."

By the time they go back to the dining room and sit down once again, it's with a certainty in Harry's heart that he says, "Can we sign those papers, please?"

Dr. Colleen smiles at them, seeming both surprised and relieved as he drags the papers across the table towards them both.

"She'll be happy to see you two." He tells them kindly and Harry's heart is still racing while he signs everything there is to sign and Louis does the same.

"We just go there and pick her up, then?" Louis asks after they're both done signing, sounding anxious and nervous.

"Yes, that's it. I'll schedule a time for you both in court for tomorrow and I'll call you to let you know when you're to be there."

Harry sighs deeply, nodding. "Thank you very much, Dr. Colleen.", he says as all of them stand up from their chairs. They shake hands and Harry tries a polite smile, but he knows it looks nothing but it.

"Call me if there's any doubt about anything. And I'm really sorry for your loss."

And then Louis and Harry are left alone in a very big and empty house, where their best friends used to be happy in.

They're sitting on the living room's couch, side by side, staring at the big picture hung on the white wall in front of them, Kaitlyn and Eric smiling big on their wedding day.

"This is so --" Harry starts, shaking his head slowly from side to side, disbelieving. "How did this happen?"

"Tragic things happen to people who don't deserve it." Louis states matter of factly and Harry turns his head to look at him, his beautiful profile looking even more unfairly beautiful with a frown. "There's nothing we can do about it."

"Do you think we can do this?" Harry asks more in a whisper and Louis looks at him, then, eyes even more tired than before.

"I guess we have to try and do our best, right?"

"Yeah." Harry nods, sighing deeply. "We have to."

"So let's start by driving to where Nina's waiting for us to get her." Louis smiles sadly and weakly and this is the first time Harry has ever seen this smile on Louis' face, and it's just then that it hits him, the situation they're in and who they've lost.

"Yes, let's do it."


	2. If It's Meant To Be It'll Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yay chapter two!!! as I said before...a short one, just like most of them all!!! I actually laughed a lot while writing this, and just to summarize...this is just a little bit of Louis and Harry's past relationship.
> 
> hope you guys enjoy it!!!

_FIVE YEARS AGO_

Harry is currently checking himself out in the mirror for the tenth time (after reading some article about a new Brazilian restaurant in Seattle, finishing his own article for his Nutrition class that it's due in a week only and watching a new Grey's Anatomy episode) when there's a knock on his door, and he's so annoyed by it that he even thinks of actually not opening the damn thing. Really, the douche on the other side deserves it. But Harry is a good friend, and the only reason he does open the door is to make his best friend happy -- she set this up, after all.

"Hey," And there's Tommo, as Eric calls him, standing in front of Harry with a charming smile on his face and a black Adidas cap on his head, making his soft fringe flat against his forehead. His blue eyes are looking up at Harry, who looks back at him with a blank expression until he realizes he isn't supposed to show how annoyed he is with the whole situation.

What is even more annoying is the fact that this man standing in front of him is so stupidly and beautifully attractive that makes Harry wants to actually punch him or do something that would hurt just as much. Kaitlyn didn't really do him justice --  _he's fit, Harry, just go for it, please?_ , and that was literally the only thing she said besides that he's a funny guy. She should've warned him. She should've told him that this very late man would be the most beautiful thing his eyes would ever lay eyes on.

God, the things he does for his best friend.

"Hey! Louis, right?" He tries sounding as nice and polite he can be, smiling back.

Louis -- Tommo -- nods slowly, smile never leaving his lips for even a second. "Yep, that's me. Call me Tommo if you want, though. Everyone calls me that, anyways."

"Okay, uh, if you like it better." Harry shrugs as he closes the door behind him and locks it.

"Shall we go, then?" Tommo, or Louis, or whatever the hell he wants to be called, suggests with bright eyes. They start walking down the hallway to the elevators. "I'm starving." He dares to laugh and Harry wants to set fire in this very elevator until this guy is burning down to hell.

"It's been almost two hours, you dick." Harry mutters under his breath while pressing the Hall button.

Louis The Tommo looks at him with raised brows, "Did you say something?", he asks.

"I asked you why everyone calls you Tommo." Harry tells him with a very well faked smile, since Louis seems to believe him and give him a cheeky smile. Annoying.

"Short for my last name, actually. Tomlinson." He explains and Harry tries his best to not look so bored and hungry out of his mind. "I hear you're best friends with my best mate's girlfriend."

Harry smiles genuinely then, nodding his head in agreement as they both walk out of the elevator once the doors open. "Yeah, we met in college, we were both freshmen. And even though I'm studying Gastronomy and she's in for Law, we turned out to fit together just fine.", he says because that's actually something that he likes to talk about.

Harry and Kaitlyn met three years ago in their freshman year in college, running into each other in the cafeteria, Kaitlyn consequently spilling her green tea on Harry's white shirt. She apologized so many times that Harry actually started laughing, which seemed to offend her somehow, and then Harry was the one apologizing. And that's how they started off, really. They haven't been apart ever since, except that one time that they spent summer vacation in different countries - Harry went off to Mexico for a two-month specialty summer course and Kaitlyn spent her time with her family in Hawaii. Even when she met Eric, two years into their friendship, they didn't drift apart. They've become each other's person.

"What about you and Eric?" Harry asks him as they make their way out of his building.

"We've been friends ever since second year of high school. We were on the school's soccer team, and Eric was so bad. I don't even know how he got on the team." Louis chuckles. "Well, I might've lied to our coach about it to let him in, and since I was the captain..."

"A true buddy." Harry jokes and Louis laughs.

Harry decides he likes the sound of his laugh, and that eases him up a little bit.

"So, you're ready for the best night ride of your life?" Louis says loudly into the night, making his way to a black motorcycle parked by the sidewalk.

Harry widens his eyes and chuckles nervously, blinking at Louis Stupid Tommo in disbelief. This is not a summer night, what is he even on about? It's October, for crying out loud. This is not okay.

"I don't really like motorcycles, to be honest." Harry tells him and it's true. He's not a fan of two-wheels things, not even bikes.

"Are you kidding? This is the most fun ride!" Louis tried to buy him with a sly smile and Harry wants to punch him for the second time tonight.

"I'm not. Really, me and motorbikes? Not friends." Harry shakes his head to emphasize his words and Louis drops his shoulders in defeat, looking kind of annoyed. "We can take my car! I got it last week and I've only driven it three times so far."

"Well, alright." Louis shrugs, walking away from his bike. "Which one is it?"

"That dark blue Prius over there," Harry points to his car parked from across the street.

He got to drive it downtown for the first time today. He was pretty excited about it.

"Of course it's a Prius." Louis mutters and Harry pretends he doesn't listen.

Once they're both settled inside the car, seatbelt and engine on, Harry turns his head to look at Louis from the driver's seat and ask, "So, where we're heading to?"

Louis looks at him with raised eyebrows and confused eyes, which should've been information enough for Harry to know that what he gets as an answer would piss the hell out of him.

"Well, what are you feeling up to? I could go for some burgers right now."

And it shouldn't have surprised Harry this much. This guy was meant to annoy him as much as he could. He's wearing a cap and a hoodie with worn out jeans, for fuck's sake. Harry at least put an effort to wear his nicest black jeans and his prettiest and most expensive tee shirt (the yellow one with red flowers printed on it that Kaitlyn likes so much), and he also made sure to make his curls look as soft as they could be and to wear his fucking Gucci shoes. This stupid guy is wearing sneakers.

"You do have a reservation somewhere, right?"

Harry is so fucking hungry, there is no way he's wasting his time to decide right now where they are going and wait in line for a table. He just wants to have some nice real dinner, for crying out loud. He hasn't eaten anything since lunchtime, and the only thing he has was meatloaf leftover from the night before.

"Um, no. Not really. I thought we were --" He's interrupted by his phone ringing, and that's the lamest ringtone in the history of worst ringtones to ever exist.

Why would someone ever choose the song Sandy from Grease as their ringtone? Out of every good and fun songs in the musical, why would someone choose  _that_? Jesus, Harry wants to smack that ridiculous smiles out of his face.

He looks at Harry as if silently asking if he minds him answering the damn phone.

"Go ahead." He tells him, silently meaning  _please just make it fucking stop_.

"Hey," Louis answers the stupid phone after grabbing it from his jeans pocket. His sweet and sly tone of voice should've warned Harry about what he listens to next. "Yeah, yeah, you've been feeling sick? How about I'll come by with something to make you feel better?" There's a smirk on his face and Harry is looking at him with the most indignant expression he's ever wore. "Well, I can even make it at ten-thirty." Harry quickly checks the time on his wristwatch, frowning deeper as he sees that it's already nine-fifty-five. "See you."

It's silent in the car for a few seconds until Louis looks up from his phone to Harry with a serious face to say, "Sick friend."

Harry doesn't think twice before laughing and narrowing his eyes at the man beside him, "And you're going to heal them with your super magical sex skills? Magic penis?", he asks ironically.

"What? He's really sick!" He defends himself and he doesn't even sound like he cares at all about the fact that Harry literally knows that he just got booty-called.

"Are you kidding me right now? You're two hours late and you didn't even get a fucking reservation somewhere so I can finally eat, because you know what,  _Tommo_? I am the one who's starving! I can't believe I wore my nicest clothes and shoes and even wasted my time trying to make my hair  _not_  look so fucking wild like it does all the time." Harry spits out angrily, and he knows he sounds like a kid right now but who fucking cares? He's hungry. "You know what, just go and heal your sick friend with your magical penis already."

"Look, I'm sorry I got you this upset. Let's just go get some food and then if you want we can hook up at my place or yours or, you know, whatever is cool with you."

"Are you delirious right now? Hell no! Get the hell out of my car." Harry snaps. "Get the fuck out of my  _Prius_!"

"Gee, calm the fuck down!" Louis gets out of the car anyways and Harry locks it, setting the alarm.

He crosses the street with a scowl on his face, Louis following him behind.

"I can't believe I ever listened to Kaitlyn into agreeing on this stupid  _not_  date." He grunts loudly, making sure that Louis The Fucking Tommo listens.

"Just go back inside and read a book or something!" Louis yells back as he jumps onto his bike, angrily putting on his helmet.

"Fuck you."

Louis throws a finger at him, and then he's off.

 


	3. Wait Just A While And I'll Greet You With A Smile

It's been three days since the worst day of Harry's life and he's currently standing in court with Nina in his arms, her head against his shoulder while she snores lightly on his neck, her wild blond curly hair tickles his cheek. Louis is standing next to him, his wide eyes fixed on the Judge, who's just slammed her small wooden hammer after saying they're approved to be Nina's official legal guardians.

They didn't even need to say anything, not even Dr. Colleen, who's standing next to Louis. The Judge just read everything they already knew and then that was it. Harry's surprised -- he's thought they would have to come up with arguments or something.

Dr. Colleen leads them towards the exit door, but Louis seems to have something else in mind, since he turns around to look at the Judge once again just to stupidly yell, "That's it? You're not even gonna ask what we do with our lives? What if I'm an addicted whore?"

There are a few gasps and whispers around, and the Judge is looking back at him with raised brows.

Harry is mortified -- he can't believe this dumbass has just done this.

"Louis, shut the fuck up." He mutters, leaning into Louis' shoulder so the dumbest of all can hear him.

"Well, Mr. Tomlinson, are you an addicted whore?" The Judge asks him, looking annoyed out of her mind, and Harry's almost shitting his pants off.

That's it. He's about to lose Nina forever.

"What -- no!" Louis answers quickly, shaking his head, looking surprised that the Judge actually asked him this stupid question.

"Then we're done."

"Louis, let's go. That's enough." Dr. Colleen says hurriedly, grabbing Louis' arms and pulling him out of court, Harry following then behind.

"What in the fuck, Louis?" Harry asks as soon as they're in Harry's car.

They said their goodbyes to Dr. Colleen and thanked him profusely for everything, and then they were off to put a sleeping Nina on her car seat and seatbelting themselves in Harry's Prius.

Harry tries to sound as calm as he could be if he wasn't so dramatically pissed off at Louis. And he also can't really yell at him or he might wake up Nina, and that's something he doesn't want to deal with right now.

"What?" Louis actually dares to ask, voice sounding so uninterested that Harry wants to punch him. Again. He always wants to physically hurt Louis.

"The stunt you just pulled in court. Are you crazy? What if the Judge had changed her mind about us being with Nina?"

"Maybe it'd be for the best." Louis shrugs and Harry almost stops the car to just tell him to get the fuck out.

"What are you on about? We agreed to try this. This is Nina, Louis. Look at her." Harry's voice is shaky and his hands are tight on the steering wheel. "She needs us."

"I know." Louis sighs, looking out the window. Harry quickly looks at him and then back on the road. "I'm just not used to it yet."

"Well, just get on with it." Harry snaps, and then it's quiet.

The thing is that Harry is also not used to it, and it scares him. The thought of leaving Nina behind to a family he doesn't know breaks his heart because he can't imagine leaving her like that and not being true to Kaitlyn's wishes. But the thought of taking care of Nina for the rest of his life, as a parent, scares him the most. He doesn't know what he's doing, and he's sure Louis feels the same, but the fact that it's  _Louis_  -- it makes it all even scarier.

It's half past three in the afternoon by the time they arrive home, and that's something that also scares Harry.  _Home._

This is his new home, it seems -- a big light gray house in Magnolia, with a great green front-yard and a big dark wooden door, a light blue small  _welcome_ rug in front of it. A family house.

What he called home was a small but comfortable apartment in Roosevelt, where he'd been living for three years until three days ago when everything changed. And he likes that place, he likes to call it home because it's something he earned and something he'd been looking forward to ever since he graduated. It's something that fits him, somewhere that's got way less memories that will hurt than this house that he's supposed to call his new home.

His new home reminds him way too much of Kaitlyn, and it hurts. He knows it's supposed to feel like this, but he just wants it gone already.

"This is it, then." Louis whispers in between a sigh after they're done putting Nina down in her crib, still sound asleep.

They are both looking down at her, and it brings Harry peace somehow. Looking at her being soft and sleeping brings him peace. He feels like he could look at her forever. He hopes he gets to do that with no problem.

"We've got to organize everything for their funeral." Harry states in a low voice, turning his head to look at Louis.

The blue-eyed man is staring down at Nina, his expression is soft but there's a hint of deep sadness and tiredness making his eyes look dull, even though there's nothing but love for the baby girl in Louis' heart. It makes Harry want to cry, but he holds the tears back -- he's had enough crying for three days already. And even though he has the right to cry for a lifetime (he's lost his person, after all), he doesn't want to do it anymore. He wants to be strong for once, he has to be strong for once. Kaitlyn isn't there anymore to be strong for both of them.

"I can't believe this is happening." Louis tells him, and he's ready to shove him with arguments about how they'd agreed to do this for the thousandth time, but Louis cuts him off to it. "I mean I can't believe we have to organize our best friends' funeral, Harry." He sighs as he runs his hands through his face. "Can we not talk about this here? Let's just leave her be in her own room and not fill it with negative energies or something."

Louis walks out of Nina's bedroom and leaves Harry behind to look down at the little girl and swallow down all the tears begging to come out.

"I know it's hard," Harry says once they're both sitting down on the couch in the living room. "I can't believe it, too."

"I know we've talked about this, but we haven't done it enough." Louis starts, looking deep into Harry's eyes. "But maybe we could talk to some of their families that come to the funeral? Eric's grandfather, for once. Maybe he'll help? And I think some of Kaitlyn's cousins are coming."

Harry stares at him for a moment before he's laughing. He thinks Louis will do the same until he realizes he's being serious, since he laughs for a few seconds all by himself. He stops doing so and breathes in deep, blinking slowly at him.

"Are you actually serious?" He asks because he has to.

"How could I not be?" Louis chuckles humorlessly, shaking his head in disbelief to the situation they're in. "I know this is Nina, Harry, so it'd be only fair if her blood family had the chance to take care of her instead of the two of us. Do you honestly think we're the best for her?"

"Eric's grandfather has lungs disease," Harry states, wide-eyed. "And Kaitlyn's cousins are all insane. Her parents are off to god-knows-where and she hadn't spoken to them in years."

"Let's just -- please. Let's just talk to them. I  _am_  in for this, but let's just look at all the options first, alright?"

"Fuck." Harry sighs, throwing his upper body against the couch backrest. "I hate it when you're right." He confesses and he hates it.

"I know." Louis shrugs. "It'll be fine, alright?"

Harry looks up at Kaitlyn and Eric's picture frame on the wall and he sighs deeply, his hands resting against his stomach and legs up on the middle table.

"I bet they did this on purpose." He says. "Kaitlyn was always trying to set me up with the lamest guys."

Louis chuckles lightly and Harry turns his head to look at him, smiling softly. And somehow, at that very moment, it was okay.

 

***

 

It's three in the morning when Harry's got Nina in his arms then, swinging his body from side to side so she can go back to sleep, even though she doesn't seem like closing her eyes again any time soon, giving that she keeps raising her head from his shoulder to look at him with watery eyes and a smile behind her pacifier.

He's tired, but it's a good thing he hasn't gone to bed yet because at least he wouldn't have had to wake up and stand up from his comfortable bed to walk his way to a crying little girl. It's a good thing that he was in the kitchen staring down at a big list placed on the counter. Louis had told him to do that in the morning --  _it's too late to deal with this, just go to bed, please,_ Louis had said at midnight after they both had a few glasses of wine, in which Louis had drunk it all while staring deep at Harry's face. 

Harry didn't listen to him, though. He knew it was already too late to deal with his  _best friend's funeral,_ he knew his mind would be too weak for it, but he went through it anyway, and by the time Nina started crying, he already had a list of how many people are going to show up and what he's going to prepare for them to eat. 

So it's a good thing Nina started crying. As he looks at her, now being the thousandth time she lifts her head from his shoulder to give him a tired smile, he's actually glad she's awake. 

"You should be asleep, baby." He tells her quietly as he makes his way to the comfy chair by the window. "But I'm happy you're making me company right now." He sits down with her on his lap, looking up at him with big eyes. "I miss your mommy, you know?"

Nina tilts her head at him, blinking slowly as if she's trying to understand what he's saying. He's kind of glad she doesn't.

"It breaks my heart that you won't get to know what a great woman she was." His voice comes out as a whisper as he pets her hair softly. "But it also relieves me that you're not old enough to understand everything that's happening." He gasps, then, because he feels bad. 

He feels bad because he shouldn't be  _relieved_. Nina won't have memories enough of Kaitlyn by the time she's three and he's saying he's  _relieved_  she's not old enough. If she was, she'd remember her. She'd remember the greatest person Harry's ever met.

"You'd miss her too much, love." He reasons, trying to explain even though he owes her no explanation. She doesn't understand anything he's saying and  _still_. He has to explain himself. "It'd hurt too much and I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing you're hurt."

Harry knows he's crying because Nina is pouting up at him, lips trembling and eyes watering again. She's upset -- she always gets upset when Louis or Harry is upset. She can feel them.

"I'm sorry, Nina." He hugs her to his chest. "I'm sorry, baby."

"Harry." Louis' voice comes from the door and he looks up, wide and watery eyes. "Go to bed. I'll stay with her until she's asleep."

"No, I'm --" He takes a deep shaky breath, shaking his head. "I'm okay. It's okay."

"Harry, please." Louis walks to him, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing it.

Nina is full on crying now, loud sobs echoing in the room. "Okay", Harry agrees, trying to keep his own sobs to himself. "Okay, yeah. Thank you."

Louis takes Nina from his arms and whispers words of love into her ear, calming her down.

Before Harry can make his way out of the room, he stops himself by the door when his name is called once again. "You're gonna be okay", it's what Louis tells him, his voice calm and soothing. "We're gonna be okay."

Harry stares at him with glazed eyes, some stubborn tears making their way down his cheeks. He nods, then, thankfully and understandingly.

Once again, somehow at that very moment, it was okay. In that very moment, he believed Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nothing really big happens in this chapter, I know and I'm sorry, but it's important anyways, okay? every chapter is!
> 
> I also know you might get the feeling that things are going a little bit fast but remember, they've known each other for a while!!!


	4. To Love To Lose To Work It Out

There's no room for panicking -- Harry can't freak out right now. There are too many people in the house and a huge picture of Eric and Kaitlyn by the entrance door that makes his heart ache. He just buried his dearest friends forty-five minutes ago and he's done freaking out.

What troubles him, though, is the fact that the whole situation hits him once again, right then.

Kaitlyn, his best friend -- the one person he could always count on whenever he had trouble or was sad; the first person to know whenever something great happened to him because he would always go to her first. His best friend, more like a sister he didn't get the chance to have (since his actual sister is four years younger than him and always giving him and their mom headaches). His person, his mirror. She is gone.

Kaitlyn is gone, and she isn't coming back. Harry's never seeing her again. Nina will never get the chance to know her amazing mother and father were. Eric, a great guy Harry learned how to like a few months after Kaitlyn announced they were dating. Nina won't ever see them, just like Harry will never get to see them again, and it hits him. It hits him so hard he can barely breathe.

So there he is, locked away in the bathroom while staring at himself in the mirror, wondering why the hell he would be put in this position.

There's a soft knock on the door followed by, "Harry? Is everything alright?", and that's Louis asking. Of course it is.

It probably has been too long since he annoyed the shit out of Harry, so maybe he's ready to go again.

Harry unlocks the door with a blank expression wearing on his face. Louis looks up at him with questioning eyes and Harry wants to tell him off.

"What is it?" He asks instead, turning back to look at himself in the mirror again.

He's wearing a black suit and a white shirt, and he's sweating like a bastard. It's so warm he feels like he's about to melt. It's almost summertime and he should be feeling excited about it -- trips to the beach, exploring hikes that'll lead to a beautiful waterfall or an overlook to a lake. He's always looking forward to this time of the year, but then there he is, with puffy eyes and dark bags under them. The only thing he's looking forward right now is to the end of this miserable day.

"You've been in here a while." Louis states after closing the door behind him, and Harry doesn't even know why he's bothering to be there asking him questions and stating the obvious.

"Wasn't feeling very well." Harry decides on telling him the truth because he won't get anything on lying. "So I came up here to take a break." He looks back at the blue-eyed man, who's also wearing a black suit and white shirt and...his cap. "Why are you even wearing a cap, for god's sake?"

"I always wear it." Louis defends himself like that makes it even a little bit better the fact that he's wearing a cap while wearing a suit.

"You're wearing a suit."

"So what? It means something to me, alright? So just shut up already."

"Yeah, whatever." Harry rolls his eyes. "Where's Nina?"

"With my mom and my sisters. They won't let go of her for not even a second, so I thought I might as well just make a good use out of them." Louis chuckles lightly with a shrug and Harry smiles weakly at that.

It's been a week since the accident and four days taking care of Nina, and it's been hard.

See, Nina is a sweetheart -- she's a funny baby with big blue eyes and a loud and delicious laugh that makes them see her two bottom teeth pointing out, which is so freaking cute that Harry wants to kiss her all the time, and he does. Except when she's crying, of course, and that is when she doesn't want anything healthy that Harry cooks for her or when she wakes up in the middle of the night because she wants her bottle; or when she wakes up in the middle of the night  _again_  and won't sleep in her crib anymore, and that leads her into Harry's arms to his bedroom and his bed. He takes turns with Louis, but sometimes she cries harder because she seems to like Harry's turn better due to his long hair around her finger.

"It makes sense." Harry concludes, chuckling quietly.

Louis is looking at Harry, eyes always so tired. "We should go down and get to talk to Eric and Kaitlyn's families."

Harry knows what that means, and that is why it hurts. He feels like his head it's gonna explode and he can't do anything about it.

"I miss them." He blurts out. "I miss Kaitlyn. She'd deal with this better than me. She'd know exactly what to do."

And then he's fucking crying -- a sobbing mess. His hands gripping tight on the white granite sink as his shoulders shake wildly.

Louis is standing right next to him, then, placing one of his hands against Harry's arm in a consoling way. He doesn't say anything, and Harry's thankful for that -- he's not sure there is anything left for him to hear that would make him feel better.

"Right," He breathes once he's done with all the tears. "Let's just go."

As soon as they're downstairs, Harry's got his mother right by his side, murmuring comforting words and telling him everything will be okay and that he can  _do_   _this_. He's not sure about any of that, but he thanks her anyway.

Louis drags him discreetly by the arm to Kaitlyn's grandfather, sitting on the living room's big couch and talking to one of Kaitlyn's cousins' kids. There are many of them, but he's pretty sure this one is Ronan, a five-year-old boy, Genevieve's son.

"See, he's good with kids." Louis whispers to him when the kid laughs at something Kaitlyn's grandfather, Greg, said.

They're making their way to where the old man is sitting when they're stopped by Louis' mother giving Nina to him, putting her in his arms.

"Sorry, love, but I'm pretty sure the twins are about to put fire in this house if I don't stop them." She apologizes with a tight smile, she looks upset about something Louis' ten-year-old twin sisters have done, since she's looking at them running around with fire in her eyes.

"Yeah, mom, go on. No problem. Thanks for watching her." He tells her with a chuckle and then she's off chasing after the girls.

"How many sisters do you have, again?" Harry asks out of curiosity, looking at Nina playing with Louis' fingers and then looking back at him.

"Four." Louis tells him and Harry raises his brows in surprise, making the blue-eyed smile amusedly at his reaction. "Yeah. Fizzy, Lottie, and the twins, Daisy and Phoebe."

"That must be nice." Harry thinks out loud and Louis hums in agreement.

"Yeah, the house's always full and loud." He says. "Are you ready?" He nods towards Kaitlyn's grandfather still sitting on the same couch.

"Guess I have to be." Harry shrugs, and then they sit down next to the good old man.

"Hey, Greg! How have you been doing?" Louis starts way too cheerily, and then the man is frowning at him.

"What was it that you said, boy?" Greg asks loudly.

Harry and Louis look at each other and, somehow, they know they're thinking the same thing.

 _Fuck_.

 

***

 

"Well, I'm glad it's finally over." Louis admits once he throws himself next to Harry on the couch in the living room after putting Nina to sleep in her room. "That wasn't helpful at all."

Harry turns his head to look at him, eyes heavy with sleep. He's so tired. "I'm so fucking tired", he says it out loud, yawning afterwards.

Louis chuckles quietly.  "Me too.", he sighs, closing his eyes briefly before looking right into Harry's eyes. "We're about to get this tired every day, now."

"I know." Harry nods slowly, voice low. "It's okay, though. She's worth it."

"Do you think we can do it? Honestly." Louis asks and he sounds vulnerable. Harry's never heard him sound like this before. 

"I do." He tells him firmly, although he's basically whispering. "I honestly do."

"As long as we do it together." Louis whispers and Harry's heart stops for a moment, right there. 

Louis has never sound so honest and pure like this before, and it's  _dangerous_. Harry feels like he's in danger and he doesn't know how to get himself to the safe zone.

"It'll be fine." Harry promises. "We'll be fine."

Louis blinks at him and smiles so soft Harry could compare it with fresh air after a long and suffering dry weather. 

Harry's never thought that Louis smiling at him that way would make him feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual, short chapter!!!  
> bear with me, will you?


	5. While I Dance Here Softly

_THREE YEARS AGO_

It's a beautiful and special day, and as much as Harry would want for this to be his day, he's just happy about it being for the one who deserves it the most.

The thing about weddings is that it always makes Harry cry, and Harry usually hates crying (unless he's watching a Grey's Anatomy episode, then it's extremely okay because he's always doing it alone).

Weddings are depressively beautiful. Well, depressive for him, of course, but still beautiful. He likes seeing the two lovers up the front, facing each other and ready to promise forever, and it does  _something_  to Harry's heart.

Kaitlyn's just turned twenty-three in May and Eric proposed as a birthday present. Two months later they're getting married. Midways Summer, for crying out loud.

Harry's turned twenty-three in February and no one proposed. The only thing he got from the guy he was seeing back then was a hot sex night, which didn't matter as much, since two days later the guy decided he wanted to call things off.

That leads Harry to this beautiful day, as single as he can be, trying to stop his best friend from freaking out.

"Kaitlyn, for goodness' sake." He sighs in exasperation. "Calm the fuck down."

It's a beautiful day and she's been crying for five minutes non-stop now. Her cousin Brenda, the one supposed to be doing her make-up by now, didn't touch her face once, because every time she's tried, Kaitlyn would slap her hand away and start to freak out. She's already on her wedding dress, at least, which is so extremely beautiful Harry could start crying and join his best friend to the sobbing party.

"Don't talk to me like that," She sobs, running the back of her hand against her wet cheeks. "You're the worst man-of-honor ever."

"I should be the one complaining." He tells her as he places his hands on her shoulders and looks right into her dark gray eyes. "You made me wear this ridiculous dark red suit and now I have no choice but to sit at the same table as Louis fucking Tommo with his family and my own." 

"What does that have to do with you wearing your  _beautiful_ dark red suit?" She asks in between hiccups, big eyes staring up at him.

"It doesn't!" He shakes her lightly. "Why are you crying, Kaitlyn?"

"Because I'm --" She widens her eyes, sobbing even more. "I'm getting married!"

"And what the fuck is wrong with that? I thought you were happy and excited about this because you're in love with Eric? Your own words."

"I am!" She wraps her hands around his writs tightly, breathing in and out deeply. "It's just. What if it doesn't work? What if we end up divorcing each other a year from today?"

Harry chuckles lightly, shaking his head in disbelief. She squeezes his wrists, silently telling him to stop.

"You're silly, Kait."

"I'm not silly, Harry, these are real --"

"Love," He interrupts her, squeezing her shoulders in reassurance. "I know you are bound to have some doubts, you're a bride. You're about to marry a man and build a life together, and even though I don't have any experience on this, I know it's scary. But Kaitlyn, you guys love each other so much, and I have seen you two grow together. I have  _seen_  it. You're gonna be fine, babe. And you're gonna be happy and have beautiful babies and a big house that I'll go to every single day."

Kaitlyn smiles big at him, eyes wet but fortunately no more tears running down her cheeks. "Thank you.", she whispers and hugs him tight, her arms around his waist. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Kait. I'm really happy for you." He pulls her away from him and raises his brow at her. "Now please, for fuck's sake, let Brenda do your make up before I lose my mind."

Kaitlyn laughs and before she can say anything, the door from the room they're currently in is being opened, and very much clean and nicely dressed Louis Tomlinson walks in, all smiles and bright blue eyes.

"Is the bride running away yet?" He asks jokily while walking towards Kaitlyn and Harry himself.

Harry rolls his eyes, annoyed. "Don't joke about this.", he says flatly.

Kaitlyn elbows him, laughing. "Hi, Tommo,", she greets Louis with a big smile, hugging him briefly. "Are you here to check up on me at Eric's request?"

"You know him well." Louis confirms. "Guests are already set waiting for the ceremony to begin. The backyard looks beautiful, by the way."

The wedding is happening in Kaitlyn's parents' house, which has a backyard so big they could throw a party for hundreds of people. This one party is set for eighty, though.

"Thank you," She says kindly. "For the update  _and_  the compliment, of course. Those flowers were hard to find."

"I bet they were." Louis nods with a serious face as if he understands a single thing about flowers.

"No, they weren't, Kaitlyn. Jesus, let's just be done with this so you can get married already." Harry dramatically throws himself on the armchair by the window.

"How long has it been since you last got laid, Harry?" Louis asks him as he makes his way to the door backwards.

Harry scowls, sitting up straight. "Excuse me? That is none of your fucking business." He yells. "Rude!", scoffs.

Louis is out the door before Harry can kindly ask him to fuck the hell off, and he's left with Kaitlyn and her three maids of honor laughing at him.

"I can't believe you're about to set me a lifetime of long-suffering due to how much it'll take me energy to stand that guy." He states matter of factly. "I don't think it's possible for me to do so."

"You'll be fine, sweetheart." She blows him a kiss before Brenda starts with the makeup ok her face.

By the time the ceremony is over and Kaitlyn is happily married to the man she loves, Harry is sitting on his table with his mother and sister while sipping on his champagne with puffy eyes due to how much he cried.

"You'll get your turn, Harry. Stop crying, for fuck's sake." His nineteen-year-old sister told him after Kaitlyn and Eric said their vowels and Harry sobbed.

He's not sure about that, though. It's his graduation year and he's focusing on his business dream -- his own bakery. That leaves him with no time for meeting someone that he'll end up getting married to.

"Harry! Come on, I want a picture with you!" Kaitlyn appears out of nowhere, grabbing him by the hand a dragging him to where Eric is standing talking to Louis.

"Why do you hate me so much?" He mutters when they stop in front of them, Eric greeting him excitedly and Louis looking at him with a smug expression on his face.

He takes a long sip from his champagne, almost finishing it up and giving Louis a hard look.  _Look away, you annoying menace,_ he thinks, but the jackass only smirks.

"Okay, so, picture!" Kaitlyn smiles wide. "Eric's best mate and my handsome man-of-honor." She giggles.

The photographer is positioned in front of them, waiting patiently until they're ready.

Harry's not surprised when Kaitlyn insists that Louis and himself have to stand between Eric and her. She really must hate him.

Louis sneaks an arm around Harry's waist, squeezing it lightly, and that would be okay only if he doesn't slide his hand down Harry's ass, slapping it hard.

"What the fuck!" Harry gasps, elbowing Louis hard.

The photographer gives up on waiting and just starts taking a bunch of pictures of Eric and Kaitlyn laughing loudly while Harry shouts some profanities at Louis, who just smiles slyly at him and slaps him once again.

Louis laughs out loud, then, when Harry pulls one of his ears just like he'd do with a kid. The truth is -- Harry hates how his heart skips a beat at the sound of Louis' laugh. 

"Would you stop being so uptight for once and give me this dance?" Louis asks him oh-so-formally, his hand out in an invitation once Kaitlyn and Eric walk away from them to talk to some other people two tables away from them.

Harry looks at him surprised. "You're serious."

"Of course I am." Louis scoffs, pretending to actually be offended. "Come on, I promise I'm a good dancer."

"Will you please leave me alone after this?" Harry sighs defeated, taking the hand Louis is offering him.

"You know I can't possibly promise you that." 

They're now one of the people dancing around the set dancefloor in the backyard, one of Louis' hands placed gently on Harry's waist while the other holds softly around his hand.

"You can, you're just too annoying to do so." Harry says eventually as they start to move to the song, face to face. 

"And you think you're anything but annoying, don't you." Louis chuckles and he doesn't say it to sound mean. 

Harry knows Louis never means to be mean, and he never is. Still, it's _Louis_.

"I am actually  _nice_."

"You're not." Louis shakes his head to emphasize his point. Harry scowls at him. "You're a spoiled brat."

"Excuse me?!" Harry scoffs but doesn't try to step away. He keeps dancing instead.

"You are." Louis laughs, eyes crinkling softly and bright. Harry stares at him amazed for a short moment and blinks it away a second later. " _Get out of my Prius_." He snorts and Harry widens his eyes. He remembers  _that_? "Please!"

"I did want you to get out of my Prius, though." Harry points out, shrugging. "If I'm a spoiled brat, you're an asshole."

"That I am, Harry. That I am." 

They stare at each other for a moment while swinging from side to side, and then they burst out laughing. They laugh together like they are such good friends; like they don't have any _issues_ with each other. They laugh like they belong right there, and just for a second, Harry shamefully whishes they did.


	6. Do You See Me In Black And White

Harry feels like he's been run over by a truck due to how tired he is. His body is sore, and not in a good way that he misses so much. His shoulders are tense and his neck hurts like a bitch, and what makes it funny is that it's only been two weeks.

Two weeks of Nina still crying when Harry tries to feed her the delicious food he cooks specially for her and then stopping right away when Louis appears with a box of Cheerios, claiming that Harry must be a terrible cook, even though he knows that's a fucking  _lie_.

Two weeks of Nina waking up in the middle of the night for her warm bottle and always making sure to cry louder when it's not Harry there to give it to her. Louis doesn't mind, of course, since he gets his good night sleep.

Two weeks of trying to make his schedule work around Nina's  _and_  Louis' schedules, since his job requires him to be there at the most random times ever, and Harry doesn't even get why. He's a Drama teacher, for crying out loud, his schedules should be better and even more organized than Harry's. Although Harry remembers Louis mentioning something about a play or whatever, that doesn't  _fucking matter._ It's a good thing he has his own business, otherwise he would've been fired by now.

Two weeks of Louis bringing home his one night stands, since they kind of agreed on that ever since the day after Kaitlyn and Eric's funeral. "We should put all these pictures down,", Louis suggested after their unfortunate talk about how no one in their friends' families would be better than themselves for Nina. "We should make this house our own if we're gonna make this all work.", he looked at Harry then, his eyes sincere, and Harry agreed. They put their own picture frames around the house, changing the big one of Kaitlyn and Eric on their wedding hung on the living room wall for a big one of Harry, Louis and Nina ok her one-year birthday party. They also talked about how it'd be okay to bring people over -- as in, night lovers or some shit like that -- from one time to another. Louis does more often than never. Harry does it  _never_.

Two weeks of being so tired, but also so happy to have made the right decision -- honoring his best friend's wish to take care of her daughter.

Harry loves Nina so very much, that is. Ever since he saw her for the first time and held her in his arms, and watching her grow every single day this close is something else entirely -- it feels like a privilege. She's been standing by herself, now, without his help or Louis'. Harry baked a cake on the first time she did it and they sang Happy Birthday, even if it didn't make any sense to do so.

However, watching Nina grow up every single day so closely also makes him feel his loss. Harry misses Kaitlyn so much that he has to look away from Nina, sometimes, for how much she reminds him of her. And it hurts. It hurts that he has to look away and it hurts that his best friend isn't there to help him through it.

He wants to tell her about how he finally got the guts to ask Jordan out, the one guy that goes to his bakery every day, at eleven-fifty-five in the morning and orders the same thing every time -- an éclair topped with chocolate icing, which turns out to be Harry's favorite kind of pastry as well.

He wants to tell her how he made a fool of himself giggling like a school-girl when the hazel-eyed man told him the éclair he's always ordering is as sweet as Harry's smile, and how he then blurted out a  _we can try sweet different things at a different place, if you'd like?_ , and just later that day realized how stupidly dirty that sounded. It's a good thing the guy didn't make any comment on it and just said an immediate  _yes,_ reaching Harry's hand from across the counter and placing a contact card in his hand.

Harry wants to tell her about it all so much, and yet he can't. He won't ever be able to do that again and he can't seem to get used to it.

"Do you think you can stay with Nina tonight?" Louis asks him at six-thirty in the evening after knocking on Harry's bedroom door and stepping inside when he hears a light  _come in._

"I told you I have a date tonight." Harry tells him with an annoyed sigh as he finishes buttoning up his black shirt, walking to his bed and sitting on it so he can wear his brown boots.

"You still do?" Louis huffs in exasperation and Harry looks at him blankly. "What? I thought you were imagining stuff."

"Why won't you ever shut the hell up." Harry says rather loudly, standing up from his bed and walking to his closet, picking up his rings and putting them on his fingers.

"Shush. You'll wake up that little demon, I just made her sleep."

"You shush!" Harry scowls. Honestly, he can't believe this guy sometimes. "I told you about this date four days ago, it's on the board! Also, it's my Friday night this week. I'm sure you'll survive this one."

"I'll let this one pass just because I know a man can only survive so long without getting some."

Harry decides not to even say anything to  _that_ , so he just stands in front of his mirror and fixes his wild curls, checking if his outfit is all set -- black button-up shirt and jeans, followed by his beloved brown boots. He knows there can't be anything wrong when a person is wearing all black, but it doesn't kill to just make sure.

He catches Louis' eyes from the mirror and is surprised to see that he's checking him out. He holds back an amused smile and clears his throat, turning around.

"Do you need anything else?"

Louis blinks quickly and is about to give him an answer when a loud cry comes from Nina's room, and it scares Harry a little bit, just like it seems to do the same to Louis, who stares at him with wide eyes before both of them hurry up to her.

It's a scary cry because it isn't just her middle-of-the-night crying when she wants her good warm bottle, it's something else.

"Baby, baby, what is it?" Harry whispers when he and Louis get to her room, standing by her crib and looking down at her. He runs his hand through her hair and then places it against her forehead, feeling it burn. "Jesus, she's burning up."

"What? Why? What's wrong?" Louis is frowning in worry, picking her up from the crib and holding her tight. "Why won't she stop crying? She sounds like she's in pain." Harry looks at him while he freaks out. "Harry, do something!"

"Louis, calm the fuck down, will you! You'll only make her cry harder if you let her see how desperate you are. Jesus Christ." He hurries to grab her bag and then he's out of the room, Louis following him behind with a crying baby girl in his arms.

"She'll make me cry if she doesn't stop!" Louis yells behind him as he grabs his car key and wallet from the counter once they're down to the kitchen, being quick to get in the car.

"If you start crying, Louis, I swear to god I'll punch you in the face once she's feeling better and I have nothing else to worry about."

"Shh, shh, baby girl. It's okay. You're gonna be fine." He hears Louis whispers to Nina from the backseat, not wasting his time to acknowledge what Harry's just said. "See, Harry is driving to the hospital right now, where there will be a very nice doctor to make you feel all better, okay?"

Harry swallows dry then and his heart skips a beat, listening to Louis' soft words and how they make Nina's crying quiet down as she focuses on his voice rather than on what's bothering her so much.

He pretends it doesn't do anything to him, and by the time they finally arrive at the hospital, fifteen minutes later, Nina is in Louis' arms full on crying once again. And it's twenty minutes later that they're in a small room for an on-duty doctor consult.

They wait a few more minutes, the two of them sitting on the two chairs across the other one behind the table, Nina getting tired with all the crying and resting her head weakly on Louis' shoulders.

When the doctor sits down to finally help them, it makes Harry wants to cry because, fuck, his  _date_.

It's Jordan sitting across from them, wearing a white coat over his dark brown jacket and light blue shirt. He's dressed up, Harry notices, and he feels like a jackass right now, even though he didn't really do nothing wrong. Well, yes, he stood him up, but there was no time to let him know Harry wouldn't show up.

"I'm so sorry." He blurts out and both Louis and Jordan look at him.

Louis, of course, looks at him confusedly, silently asking  _what the fuck are you talking about._

Jordan, on the other hand, looks at him understandingly, eyes soft and kind.

"Let's talk about what matters, first." He says. "What's wrong with this beautiful girl? She's Kaitlyn Meyer's daughter, right? Hey there, Nina, what's up with you?"

Harry is confused for a moment, and so is Louis, who doesn't waste any time to ask about it. "Are you her doctor? I mean, did Kaitlyn took her to you?"

"Yes, she did. What a coincidence that I'm on call tonight." He smiles politely. "What brings you here?"

"She's got a fever and won't stop crying. I think she's in pain." Harry tells him quickly and Louis nods, Nina sobbing quietly in his arms.

"Let's lay her down on this stretcher over here, please."

Louis does as told and take a short step back to give Jordan some space. Harry stands next to him tensely.

"What were you apologizing for?" Louis whispers while Jordan examines Nina patiently.

Harry just scowls at him, his turn to silently ask for something --  _shut the hell up._

Jordan tells them something about being concerned she might be having some abdominals pain and then he asks them about how often she poops and how does her poop look like.  _A couple times a day, probably_ ,  _and she never does more than three little thingies._ Harry's the one who answers because he's the one always changing poop diapers, and then he realizes his mistake. She's a  _baby_ , she should be healthily pooping all the time like babies should. Jordan tells them then that she's probably got constipation and that's what's causing the pain, and the pain consequently causing the fever.

"I'll give her some drops to take the pain and fever away and give you a prescription for what'll help the constipation to stop." Jordan says after sitting back down, Nina back to Louis' arms. "Let's never forget about feeding her the healthy way."

"I try." Harry sighs. "She won't ever eat my food, though. She'll only stop crying when this one over here brings her Cheerios. She eats fruit, at least."

Jordan chuckles lightly when Louis mutters something about Nina liking him better because of his Cheerios. "She'll eat, eventually. Keep trying and keep up with the fruit. Take it easy on the Cheerios, though. Lots of water."

"Maybe if the food you make her didn't look like vomit she'd start eating it." Louis complains and Harry scowls.

"Excuse me? It does not look like vomit."

Jordan stands up from his chair with a small medicine bottle in his hand, smiling lightly and amusedly. "I'm sure it doesn't.", he says. "Help me by opening her mouth, please?"

Louis does just that after a lot of struggle and crying from Nina until she eventually just lets her doctor give her the few drops she needs to stop the pain and fever.

By the time they're all done and out of the room, Louis is walking away with Nina down the hall, leaving Harry behind.

"I'm really sorry." Harry blurts out once again, placing his hands against his chest to emphasize his words. "I should've called you."

"I understand, Harry." Jordan smiles sweetly. "The hospital called me twenty minutes after I've arrived at the place we were supposed to meet, anyways. And they called me because here you are." He chuckles and he doesn't seem upset at all.

Harry stares at him with questioning eyes until the man smiles reassuringly.

"Recheck, then? Tomorrow?" Harry wonders hopefully.

"For sure." Jordan nods, placing one of his hands on Harry's wrist. "Can't wait."

Without really thinking about it, Harry leans in and then his lips are pressed against Jordan's lips. He realizes two seconds later that what he's just done is kind of really inappropriate because first, they're in the hospital, and second, they haven't even been on their freaking date yet.

"Oh, god. I'm sorry." Harry gasps after pulling away, but Jordan's hand are still wrapped around his wrist.

"Would you stop apologizing already?" He chuckles. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Harry smiles big at him and turns around to walk away.

"A doctor then, huh?" It's the first thing Louis says when Harry approaches them once again and they walk together to his car. 

Harry looks at him as he unlocks the car and opens his mouth to answer, but Louis doesn't give him time, opening the backseat door and getting in with Nina sound asleep in his arms. 

With a frown on his face, Harry gets in the car right after and looks at Louis through the rearview mirror. "So what if he's a doctor?", he asks then, turning the engine on and moving the car back from the parking spot. 

"He's Nina's doctor." Louis states, meeting Harry's eyes through the mirror. 

"And what's the problem with that?" Harry huffs annoyed. 

"It's inappropriate!"

Nina sighs loudly from her car seat, making them both stay quiet for a few long seconds, and Harry is pissed. Louis doesn't get to do that -- interfere in Harry's personal life like this. He doesn't get to tell him what's inappropriate and what's not. Why does he even  _care_.

"Why do you even care,  _Tommo_?" Harry questions, shaking his head in disbelief and not daring to meet Louis' eyes again. "Just mind your own business, alright?" 

And then it's silent. Louis gives him the silent treatment and it pisses Harry off even more, and he doesn't even know  _why_. It's dead silent all the way back home, and even when they put Nina back in her crib. Silent, silent and silent. 

It's silent, and Harry doesn't like the sound of it.


	7. You Change Your Position, You're Changing Me

It's late Sunday afternoon when there's a knock on the door while Harry lying down lazily on the sofa with a sleeping Nina against his chest.

He's feeling like he's just eaten an entire cow all by himself, and Nina's weight on top of him doesn't help the heaviness in his stomach. He blames the neighbors who just decided to show up at eleven-thirty this morning for lunch, with a bunch of containers with delicious food in hands.

He wasn't really into having a bunch of his new neighbors in his new house, giving that he stayed up late the night before due to his awesome date with Jordan, but when he saw all the food in their hands he just gave in to it. Food is always welcome.

But now, though, he's not up for having any guests, especially with how lazy he feels (a consequence of how hungover he feels, because staying up late with a fun date means getting drunk, it seems).

Louis is upstairs in his room correcting some tests his students did last Thursday, so Harry is pretty sure he isn't coming down any time soon, and that leaves the door to him.

He sighs deeply and stands up slowly enough not to wake Nina, and puts her down in her stroller placed by the couch they were previously on.

When he finally opens the door, after dragging himself from the living room slowly, he's faced with a woman he's never seen before.

She's wearing a dark blue suit and black high-heels, her long black hair is up in a ponytail and her dark green eyes are behind a light brown frame of glasses. He feels underdressed then, considering he's only wearing a sports shorts and that's it.

"Good afternoon," She greets him, smiling kindly but eying him up and down quickly, kind of judging in Harry's opinion. "I'm Lena Carter, the social worker who will be --"

Without really thinking about the consequences, Harry closes the door on her face and then he's running upstairs just like he would run if he was to ever run away from Satan or something. He doesn't bother knocking on Louis' door, just opening it wide.

"She's fucking  _here_!" He yells, but not loud enough that the woman would hear him. Louis looks at him weirdly from his desk table, confused eyes. "The social worker, Louis!"

"What in the fuck. She's here? It's Sunday!" He stands up quickly and starts putting away all the clothes around his room and Harry is off to do the same, even though his own is always organized.

The rest of the house, though, it's wild. There are toys and diapers -- most of them clean diapers, thank goodness -- everywhere. Together they put everything away where it's all supposed to be, and giving that they're not quiet enough not to wake Nina up, she's crying then, raising her arms as if asking for someone to pick her up.

Louis rescues her while Harry tidies up the living room and finds a shirt for him to wear, and when they're finally done and satisfied by their amateur cleaning up, they walk to the door and open it, finding a very much confused Lena Carter.

"I'm so sorry. I heard Nina crying and I had to go to her. She loves a cuddle." Harry lies. Well, he lies about the first part, since the part where she says she loves a cuddle it's extremely true. She's always up for a cuddle.

"I, um, understand." She says, looking from Harry to Louis suspiciously. "May I come in, then?"

"Of course!" He says and steps aside so she can step inside.

"As I was saying," She starts once they're all set in the living room, Harry and Louis on the big couch with Nina between them playing with her stuffed cat that was left there, and the social worker on the armchair next to them by the fireplace. "I'm Lena Carter and I'm the social worker who will be working on your case. Nina's case. I'm here to help you and most of all, help Nina."

"No one told us that you'd be coming today." Louis says and Harry elbows him discreetly.  _Shut the fuck up_ , he thinks.

"Well, I'm always gonna show up by surprise. Just to catch you on your usual routine." She smiles and Harry wants to rip it out of her face.

This isn't right, is it? Surprising them like this. They should be warned.

Harry and Louis just stare at her while Nina makes some babbling sounds, shaking her stuffed cat wildly.

"So, tell me a bit about yourselves. Louis, can you tell me about your work?" She looks at Louis and Harry wonders how she knows who is who between the two of them. Maybe she's got pictures.

"Um, yeah. Okay." Louis clears his throat, nodding. "I've been a Drama teacher at Seattle Academy of Arts and Science for four years now and from time to time I get some parts in some cool plays. I got the leading part for the Footloose live play, so I've been working a bit more."

"You did?" Harry widens his eyes at him, surprised he did not know about this, which isn't something that should happen -- he shouldn't be surprised about not knowing things about Louis' life. 

"You didn't know about this, Harry?" Lena Carter asks, and Harry's sure she doesn't ask about it just so she can judge or whatever, but suddenly he's worried this might change things a bit.

"I didn't have the time to tell him." Louis speaks up, shrugging. "We barely see each other during the week because of our schedules."

"I see." Lena nods, writing something down on her notepad. "So, don't mind the way I'm about to ask this, I shouldn't worry about the two of you sleeping together?"

Harry chokes and Louis elbows him hard, making Nina giggle loudly.

"I'm sorry?" Harry says after he's calmed down.

"Well, I happen to know that both of you like men. I actually know a lot of things about you, but some of them and the ones I don't know, I'd like to hear it from you. So tell me, do I need to worry about you sleeping together?"

"No!" They say together. "God, no. We are definitely not sleeping together, and we won't ever be sleeping together." Harry rambles, blinking quickly. "We've tried that before,", and then Lena raises her brows at him. He hurries himself to explain what the hell he's on about. "I mean, Kaitlyn set us up for a date once, and it didn't work at all. And it won't. Work. Ever. Because we won't even try anything. Because we wouldn't want to."

Lena smiles then, satisfied by his answer. "That's really good to hear, actually. It makes everything easier -- for me and for you. You've been put in a very fragile situation, and adding the complications that sex brings will only make it even more fragile. You guys are my easy case, it actually makes me very happy to be finally here." She sighs, still smiling, and it kind of freaks Harry out. "No whores, no drug addicts, no crazy moms. You guys are my easy peasy, so please don't make it difficult."

Harry is silent and he doesn't really know what to say. He's very confused.

"Don't you worry, Miss Carter." Louis says then, breaking the silence. "We won't be getting into each other's pants any time soon. Or better yet, ever."

"I appreciate it." She chuckles, looking at Harry then. "What about you, Harry? Tell me about your work. I hear you're a pastry chef?"

Harry smiles, nodding. "Yeah, I run my own business. Got a bakery, Anne's Sweeet, named after my mom. It's at Union Square. It's been three years now, giving that I started it right after I graduated, and I've been meaning to make a reconstruction, you know, get it bigger, more space so I can turn it into a restaurant. But I'm focusing on this, right now. It's a big house, after all."

He can feel Louis' eyes on him, questioning and wondering, but he doesn't dare to meet them.

"You own Anne's Sweets? That's amazing! I've been there before." She tells him excitedly.

"Thank you."

"Well, I just wanted to finally meet you in person." She says as she stands up. Louis grabs Nina into his arms and then they lead Lena to the door.  "Thank you for your time. I'll get to see you soon."

And then she's off to her car, leaving Louis, Harry and Nina behind.

Harry closes the door then, and Louis' eyes are still on him. "Why didn't you tell me about how you want to make some changes in your bakery?", he asks and Harry looks at him.

Louis puts Nina down to the floor and she starts crawling around them, playing with their shoes' laces.

"Same reason you didn't tell me about your play, I guess." Harry shrugs, and it is kind of true.

"I honestly didn't tell you about it because I didn't find the time. I'd probably tell you sometime today or something."

"Would you, though?" Harry chuckles, and he doesn't even know why he sounds so bitter. "It doesn't matter, anyways. I'm not doing it because we have to pay for this house and for Nina's health care and even start thinking about making some donations to the neighborhood's kindergarten, just like our friendly new neighbors advised us to." He unburdens, running his hands through his face. "I don't have enough money to make the changes. It can wait."

"I could --" Louis starts but stops himself just then, blinking up at Harry. "I have some savings. I have enough. I could help you."

"What?" Harry chuckles and then realizes Louis is being serious. "I couldn't ask you for money, Louis. Are you insane?"

"Look, just think of it as a loan. I'll just be a new partner to your business. I won't be  _giving_  you money, you'll pay it back."

Harry blinks at him, kind of shocked. He doesn't really know what's happening right now. "Are you serious?", he questions.

"I am." Louis nods. "I know this is something you really want. I even heard Kaitlyn talking about it to Eric a couple of times."

"Why do you care, though?" Harry questions before he can't stop himself.

There are a few long seconds of silence, except for  Nina's excited babbling as she tries to stand up on her own by holding tight onto Harry's legs. Louis is staring at him, and Harry notices his Adam's apple moving as he swallows, clearly thinking of the answer he's about to give.

Harry regrets asking then, he shouldn't have. He's not sure if he even wants to hear what Louis has to say.

"I don't," Louis tells him eventually, but he seems off. "I'm just offering. It's no big deal."

Harry wants to ask him  _why_ , but he's afraid he'll regret it as well. He doesn't know if what Louis tells him is true, but it doesn't matter. It's Louis, anyways, and he doesn't really care about some stuff in general, so why on Earth would he care about this specifically?

"Right," Harry nods. "Okay, then. You're really serious about this?"

Louis smiles amusedly, eyes bright and full of life out of sudden. "Will you believe me if we shake on it?"

Harry offers him his hand right away, also smiling.

They shake on it, after all, and that seems to change things somehow.


	8. There's Trouble Ahead

It's Wednesday and Harry usually doesn't really like Wednesdays, but it's a special one today.

He's met with Jordan last night for the third time and it was so amazing he didn't want the night to end, so the following day was bound to start well.

When he wakes up and stands up from his bed to walk to his door just to find Nina walking around the hall with her short legs wearing only a diaper, he feels like the day couldn't get any better, then.

"Louis?!" He yells from his bedroom door and Nina stops to look up at him, smiling cheekily, one of her hands in her mouth. She giggles loudly and then hurries down the hall once again, her chubby legs carrying her around messily.

"What is it?" He hears Louis yelling back from somewhere downstairs while Harry hurries back inside his room to find his phone, setting it up on its camera once he finds it.

"Come up here and see it for yourself!"

He's off after Nina then, phone in hands as he records everything. Louis is quick to go up, wide eyes as he watches the little girl walking around.

"What is happening," He laughs, eyes bright as he looks down at her, giggling like the crazy little baby she is.

"Did she just learned how to do this? How is she even up here if you weren't?"

"Well, she has been standing still all by herself for a while now, right?" Louis ponders. "And I left her up here in her playroom for two minutes, I swear."

"Aren't you just mischievous?" Harry chuckles, looking at Nina who's now standing in front of them with one of her baby dolls under her arm. "I am, too!"

Then he's chasing her, giggling just as loud as she is, Louis following them behind with a loud laugh. And they do that until Nina is so tired she throws herself against the sofa and sleeps. Harry is always surprised by how easily she can just close her eyes and sleep. He carries her to her stroller and sits down next to Louis on the couch next, sighing deeply.

It's already ten-twenty-five and just then Harry realizes Louis is  _there_ , and not working. "Why aren't you at work? It's my day to stay in.", he asks curiously, turning his head to look at him.

"It's my day off, actually." Louis tells him with a shrug, their eyes meeting. "Kids are off school earlier today, and I've only got classes in the afternoon on Wednesdays, so..."

"That's cool."

"It is." Louis nods, smiling, and Harry feels something weird. And he doesn't like it not even a little bit. "We should celebrate."

"Celebrate Nina finally getting up from her chubby little butt and walking?" Harry jokes, chuckling lightly.

"That  _and_  the start of your bakery renovation." Louis raises his brows at him suggestively. Harry is surprised and he thinks he shows it on his face, since Louis smiles amusedly. "What do you think?"

"Um," Harry blinks away his surprised expression, wearing a big grin instead. "Yeah. Yeah, let's celebrate."

"Right," Louis chuckles. "Dinner's on me. I'll make a reservation somewhere nice."

"What? Non-sense. I'll cook. We'll go to my bakery-almost-restaurant."

"Oh?" Louis smiles softly and it does something weird to Harry, like his breath is stuck somehow. "I won't say no to  _that_. How about tomorrow night, then?"

Harry feels guilty, then, because there he is, feeling weird things when Louis takes his time to smile at him like that, telling him that they should celebrate Harry's bakery reconstruction even though he said he doesn't  _care_ , and Harry has a date with his  _actual_ current date, Jordan. Harry feels guilty because he has to tell him that he won't be able to make it tomorrow night because he has other plans with Nina's doctor already, and he feels guilty because he wouldn't mind canceling on Jordan just so he could make Louis smile like that. And he feels guilty because this is  _Louis_. Stupid, jackass, asshole  _Louis_.

"I, um -- I can't. Tomorrow night, I mean. I have a date with Jordan." He lets Louis know, and just like that Louis isn't smiling anymore, but frowning, and Harry doesn't  _understand_.

"Oh, well." Louis stands up from the couch out of sudden, startling Harry who looks up to him from the same seat. "I'm glad things are working out for the two of you." He chuckles awkwardly and Harry still doesn't understand.

"We can go tonight, though." Harry suggests then, because he just wants that smile back on Louis' face, and because he actually wants this celebration thing to happen. "If you want."

Louis blinks down at him, and he seems to be thinking deeply. "I can't.", he tells Harry. "I have this thing."

"Oh." Harry looks away from him. "Okay."

Louis walks away before Harry can even suggest they go on Friday, or Saturday or any other day.

And just like that, this specific Wednesday isn't that much of special anymore.

Turns out that Louis' thing was to stay home all day long, locked away in his room doing god knows what. Probably grading homework and stuff, Harry isn't sure.

It's six-forty-three in the evening and it's been hours since the last time Louis was out of his room, that being when Harry told him about his date with Jordan, and it's weird. It's weird that Louis felt like he had to be alone when instead he could be down in the kitchen, with Harry and Nina, getting ready for dinner. It's weird that the fact that Harry has a date makes Louis feel things Harry doesn't understand; makes him feel like he can't be down there, with his  _family_.

Harry murmurs the word to himself while he chops some carrots and while Nina plays with some toys on her high chair by the table.

 _Family_.  _Family_.

Harry's got a family back home in Idaho -- his mom and his younger and troublemaker sister; his grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins. He's got a big family that from time to time, up until a few weeks ago, he missed like crazy. Until  _this_. Until  _now_. He misses them, but not like a part of him is missing.

 _Family_.

He turns around to look at Nina when he hears her letting out a loud laugh. She's shaking some of her toys in the air with a wide smile, and he smiles fondly at her, though with a tightness in his chest.

It's by realizing that every time the three of them -- Louis, Harry and Nina -- are together he feels _whole_ , that Harry knows he's got a family of his own.

This is  _family_.

He misses Louis right there, even though he's just upstairs, and that's right then that Harry knows he's in trouble.

He goes back to chopping the carrots after blinking slowly in realization.

 _Trouble_.


	9. More Than You Could Ever Know

_ONE AND A HALF  YEAR AGO_

It's snowing and Harry loves it because it means a season full of hot chocolate and warm cookies and blankets and his favorite holiday.

It's snowing and it means first Christmas at Kaitlyn and Eric's big house. It means Harry cooking for a bunch of people, including his own mother and sister, along with Kaitlyn's and Eric's and Louis' families. 

Harry was supposed to fly to Moscow to spend a few weeks of winter back home, but he can only love snow so much to deal with how crazy winter can really get in Idaho, so he proposed his family to spend a few days in Seattle instead.

Louis proposed the same to his family, it seems, from what their mothers have been talking. It's funny that their families can get along so well and Harry still can't seem to stand him.

He tries, though. Louis is the one to never cooperate.

"How old is your sister again?" It's what Louis dares to ask him when he's busy cooking a delicious Christmas meal.

Harry looks away from the potatoes he's mashing to look at Louis, who's got his elbows rested against the counter Harry's doing so, looking up at him with curious and sly eyes.

God, Harry hasn't even had his first glass of wine to deal with this.

"I don't see how this is any of your business." Harry tells him and looks back to his potatoes, mashing them more forcefully than he was before.

"She's different from the last time I saw her." Louis rests his chin on his hand and Harry wants to smash his face on the mashed potatoes. "Was it Kaitlyn and Eric's wedding?"

"Still none of your fucking business."

"She's a grown up now, isn't she?" Louis keeps going and Harry sighs deeply, looking down at him once again, a deep scowl on his face. "She's hot."

"Don't you ever think about it, asshole. I swear to god." Harry growls, kicking his ankle.

"Motherfucker!" Louis yelps in pain, frowning up at Harry. "Chill out, will you. Ouch."

"Fuck you,  _Tommo_." Harry huffs and goes back to his potatoes once again. "And stay the fuck away from my sister."

"I can see why she's so pretty, you know." It's like he doesn't even listen to whatever Harry tells him. "She looks a hell lot like you."

Harry gives him a look before bursting out laughing.

"Get the fuck out of here, for crying out loud." He says instead of making any comment to whatever shit Louis just said.

Louis smirks and gets out of the kitchen limping a little bit due to the kick he got from Harry on his ankle.

He deserved it.  _Deserves_  it.

Harry chuckles quietly to himself then, shaking his head in disbelief.

By the time he's done in the kitchen, he grabs the bell on the counter that Kaitlyn insisted he used to let people know dinner is ready and shakes it three times, smiling amusedly to himself when he hears a commotion of people moving around in the living room as they make their way to the dinner table.

The kids in the house are loud, and they are mostly all Louis' sisters. Harry can't quite remember all of their names, but he knows they're all very fond of Louis, and Louis himself is very much in love with them. Harry envies him a little bit, if he's honest. He wishes his relationship with his sister was this easy -- all laughs and fondness and bright eyes. He wishes she was just a kid and not someone who's just turned twenty-one and won't stop partying like her life depends on it, always getting involved with the wrong people and ending up at the wrong place in the wrong time.

As they all sit around the table, he looks at his sister as she smiles softly at something their mom tells her, and he tries to picture her as someone who's always like this -- soft smiles and easy to deal with. Then he looks at Louis sitting next to his own mom and sisters, smiling wide at them and making them laugh. He envies him, he does.

Kaitlyn helps him setting the food on the table and then he ends up sitting right in front of Louis, who keeps looking up from his plate from time to time to smirk at him like he knows something that Harry wouldn't dream of ever knowing about. But, again, Louis is always doing that to him. Giving him that face, and it pisses him off.

Harry envies him, but he also hates him. He really does. The fact that he can stand him from time to time just for the sake of his best friends doesn't make him like the guy. Harry can envy him alright, but he also can hate him just as much. The guy is a menace, and the way he keeps smirking at Harry every minute is proof enough.

Harry scowls at him the fifth time he looks up from his plate to cross his eyes with Harry's and smirk at him. It's the fifth time and it's only been fifteen minutes since dinner's started. Louis presses his lips together to hold back a laugh, Harry can tell, and that makes him even angrier. It's not funny at all, and that's why Harry does his best to reach Louis' ankle with his own foot and kick it as hard as he can.  _Again_. The way Louis widens his eyes at him is satisfying enough.

"Are you okay, Tommo?" Eric asks from his spot next to Kaitlyn who's currently looking at Harry with questioning eyes.

Harry shrugs at her discreetly and looks right back at Louis, narrowing his eyes at him as if daring him to say a thing to Eric.

"I'm fine." He says and it's the right choice, otherwise Harry would probably kick more than just his stupid ankle. "Just ate something really spicy." He reasons when Eric keeps looking at him as if he's still waiting for a good enough answer.

"Spicy?" Lauren, his sister, repeats and looks at him from her seat next to his own chair, wide eyes. And it's funny because it seems like the first time since she's really looked at him ever since she arrived along with their mom three days ago. "What is it that it's spicy? You put peppers on something? You know I'm allergic and you didn't say anything?!"

Harry is looking at her just as wide-eyed as she is then, lost for words because --  _no_. He didn't add any peppers or anything similar to peppers because he knows she is allergic to that and  _what in the world._

"Lauren, no, I --"

"Are you trying to kill me?!" She interrupts him dramatically, frowning so deep he's worried she might stay like that for the rest of her life.

Everyone is looking at them, including Louis fucking Tommo, who's trying his best not to laugh his ass off right there. Harry wants to kill him instead.

"Lauren, sweetie, calm down." His mother reasons her, reaching out her hands across from Harry (who's sitting between the both of them) to touch his sister's. "He knows you are allergic. Louis probably said  _spicy_ meaning he ate something really salty."

Harry rolls his eyes because the situation is ridiculous. His twenty-one-year-old sister is throwing a fit out of something that isn't even real. She's almost done with her whole plate and hasn't had any allergic reactions to anything she's eating and is still making a fuss about what stupid Tommo's just said. She always wants to pick up a fight. Always.

"Lauren, I wouldn't put anything in the food that'd  _kill_ you." He leans into her so she can be the only one that hears him besides his mother sitting next to him. "Now stop being so dramatic, for god's sake."

She scowls at him and huffs, annoyed out of her mind and he doesn't even know  _why_. He knows she's not very fond of him most of the times, but she can get really unreasonable sometimes, and it's ridiculous.

After having enough with all of her glaring, she goes back to focusing on her plate and leaves him alone. He turns to look at his mom and she smiles at him apologetically, as if she has something to be sorry for, for crying out loud. He shakes his head, silently telling her she doesn't need to apologize for anything and also silently complaining about how his little sister has turned into a wild terror.

He looks back at Louis, then, who's still looking at him unlike everyone else who was just watching the scene but is now minding their own food. Louis is still watching -- him, specifically. His eyes are something Harry can't read, and he doesn't really want to, he never does, but it's weird that Louis is looking at him like that; he's still smirking a little bit, as if he's still amused by what just happened, but it's also something else and it tires Harry out. He doesn't want to deal with this.

Looking away, he pretends it never happened.

It's not up until everyone is finished with dinner that Eric stands up from his chair to raise his glass of champagne with a huge grin, Kaitlyn looking up at him with a soft smile. Harry gets his own glass and gives his best friend a questioning look, and when she sees it she just shrugs, still smiling big.

"I'd like everyone's attention, please." Eric announces and then everyone is silently looking at him. "I want to thank you all for coming to our Christmas dinner, and thank our buddy Harry for making it all delicious, as usual." Harry smiles and motions his glass toward him, thankfully. "This Christmas is extra special because one, Tommo's birthday, of course." Everyone cheers at that, and when Harry looks at the birthday person sitting across from him, he's instantly met with bright blue eyes staring right back at him. 

Harry didn't know that. Harry didn't know it was Louis' birthday, and of course it's none of his damn business. Just because they have known each other for years, it doesn't mean Harry gets to know personal stuff about him. Still, it's weird that he didn't know  _that_.

"Happy birthday." Harry tells him then in between all the cheers, eyes blank. He's kind of upset, he just doesn't know why. 

Louis smiles at him, thanking him with a nod of his head, and that's it.

"And second, and most important of all -- sorry, Tommo --, the big news Kaitlyn and I have to share with you." Eric looks down at his wife, eyes soft and happy. "You wanna tell them, honey?"

Kaitlyn stands up then, running her hands down the sides of her dark red dress, smiling so big Harry can't help but smile as well, even if he's not really sure what all this is about, although he might have an idea. He's just not sure, Kaitlyn and Eric can get really crazy sometimes, coming up with the weirdest stuff.

"We're pregnant!" Kaitlyn basically yells, eyes so bright they might as well be brighter than all the Christmas lights. 

There's a round of endless clapping and cheering and tears. Harry himself isn't holding back his way of showing how truly happy he is about his best friend, and when he makes his way to hold her, he does it as tight and comfy as a hold can be.

"I'm so happy for you." He whispers in her ear, and she holds him just as tight. "I really am."

"I know, love." She pulls him away by the shoulder just a hint apart, looking at him in the eyes. "You know, my baby will be your baby, too."

Harry chuckles, holding her one more time. "I know."

"We're having a baby!" It's Louis turn to yell then, taking big steps toward where Harry and Kaitlyn are hugging and pulling Eric to join, making it a group hug. 

Harry wants to kick him away, but he decides to be the bigger one for once. Plus, Louis' arm around his waist feels quite nice, even though he'll never admit that out loud.


	10. That Green Light, I Want It

"You know, you should close the bakery for a few days until it's habitable again." 

Harry looks up from the bread dough he's kneading to look at one of his closest friends and also an employee, Niall, brows raised as if silently asking how dare he to even suggest such thing. 

He knows the place is kind of messy due to its renovation, but people can still come in and order stuff to go. Also, it's too damn early for him to be thinking about this.

"Niall, we're not closing the bakery until the renovation is done." He sighs as he shakes his head. "I won't."

"You'd have more time for your dates with that Jordan guy and also more time with Nina." Niall reasons, but that's not even it. 

Harry knows Niall worries about him, has been worrying ever since the worst day of his life, and he also knows Niall is always right. Most of the times, anyways. It's just that Harry can't stop working, otherwise he'll have too much free time and it'll drive him crazy because he'll be thinking too much. He doesn't have enough time to think at work, so that's better. 

"If you want some time off, just let me know." Harry blinks at him, faking annoyance because he can never truly be annoyed at Niall.

" _You_  could use some time off." Niall points out as he takes a tray of cookies from the oven. "You've been working like crazy, even though you take a day off in the week."

"I'm fine, Niall." 

"Well, you're coping, which is great. But still, you're working too much." 

"I'll be fine." He corrects himself, then, and Niall decides on not saying anything else and just looking at him knowingly before going back to work.

And it's true, he knows he will be fine eventually, and he's not currently depressed or somewhat deeply sad, he's just trying to deal with his loss his own way like everyone else does. He's been doing okay, he has. 

At home, where he's now used to actually call his  _home_ , he tries not to be bothered by Louis always finding a way to annoy the shit out of him with the most ridiculous and ordinary things like leaving his socks and shoes all around the house even though Harry's asked him a million times not to; or like how he always forgets to put the bottle of milk back in the fridge after he's done with it, or even how he's always making stupid jokes about his co-workers that Harry doesn't even know, so he never gets any of those that makes Louis laugh so hard. And it's funny that those kind of things are the ones that Harry tries hard not to be bothered with, and not the way Louis is always messing with him by flirting shamelessly -- like he always has and it's never meant anything -- or by always giving him looks that Harry only ever tries to understand.

And it's all so funny because everything's been okay. It's been fine. When Louis isn't working, he's home with Nina and sometimes even hang around with Harry when their free schedules match, and he's also not taking anyone home with him anymore. Harry's noticed that. Louis hasn't been taking any more one night stands for a while now and Harry wants to know  _why_. It doesn't matter to him and it's certainly none of his business but still, he needs to know why because that's also one thing he tries not to be bothered with, and it's _ridiculous_. 

It's all been fine and Harry's dating someone who cares and someone who's worth his time. Jordan is someone Harry should be dating, someone Harry'd been longing for so long and someone he knows he can count on for the long term. And still, after all those dates and all the sweet kisses, he's still not  _feeling_.

Harry likes Jordan, he truly cares about him, and before they started going out, he thought the guy would be it. He did, he genuinely did because Jordan is the dream guy. He's what Harry's been looking for ever since he decided it was his time to  _find someone_. However, still date after date, sweet kisses after sweet kisses, Harry isn't sure about this at all. When Jordan tell him sweet things, Harry doesn't feel like he could he could listen his sweet-talking for hours and hours; when Jordan kisses him softly, Harry doesn't feel his heart warming up. When Jordan kisses him rough and wild, his heart doesn't beat so fast it could explode out of his chest. And it worries him. The things he doesn't feel, they worry him. He should be feeling something by now, anything at all. He doesn't, and he knows he won't. 

He won't because somehow it all goes to  _Louis_. Harry isn't sure when it's happened, but it does happen and it's weird and inappropriate. He thinks about Louis when he shouldn't and when he doesn't want to. He never wants to but ends up thinking about him anyway and Harry doesn't understand. He doesn't understand anything and it's frustrating. 

Louis, with all his stupid jokes and messiness and blue eyes that always look at him in a way Harry doesn't  _understand_. Louis, always being so good to Nina and even being helpful with things that don't even concern him, like Harry's bakery renovation, which he still also doesn't really understand why Louis would ever want to help him with that. It's not like they have ever been friends. They only ever endured each other because of their best friends, and now they do it because of Nina, but it feels different. Harry  _feels_  different.

Louis is family, now, but Harry knows he's been that ever since Kaitlyn and Eric started dating each other, but the difference between now and then is that Harry needs Louis to be his family. Harry wants him to, and that scares him a bit, because he doesn't know how to live in a world where he needs  _Louis_.

"Good morning, good people." It's the voice from the one who keeps haunting his mind that actually startles him awake from his thoughts, barging the kitchen door with a smiley and bright baby in his arms. "We come here for food." 

Niall chuckles lightly while putting three more trays of cookies in the oven, giving Harry a look that he doesn't try to decipher right now.

"Why are you two up so early?" Harry asks after grabbing two muffins and handing them to Louis. 

"Well, you open at seven and this one here decided she wanted to be up and wild at six-fifteen today, so I thought we might as well just come here pay you a visit and get good stuff out of it." Louis tells him naturally and it surprises him. "Also, I wanted to see how the reconstruction is going."

He doesn't think Louis has ever been to his bakery, actually. 

"It's going pretty well." Niall speaks for him and Harry is thankful. He doesn't even know if he's got anything to say. "I was just suggesting Harry might as well just close for a few days until everything is  _going on_  enough so we can all organize the place."

Louis nods thoughtfully while Nina chews happily on her own muffin. "That might be a good idea, actually." He agrees and Harry rolls his eyes. "You look pretty good with all the flour and stuff, by the way."

Harry looks at him, once again surprised. Louis has been doing that -- praising Harry with small and stupid things and it's  _different_. He already did that before everything, but it never felt different. Never so genuine.

Niall is snickering beside him now as he adds frosting to two different cakes, and Harry wants to tell him to shut up so bad.

"That's good, since I'm always like this." He points to himself, trying to sound as casual and not affected at all as he can. "Thanks."

Louis smirks, amused, arching one of his brows as if daring Harry to say more. Harry doesn't accept the challenge, though. He would've maybe a few weeks back. Now, though, he can't. 

"I'll be out there organizing the balcony and all. See you in a bit, boss." Niall announces with two baskets full of fresh bread and muffins and makes his way out of the kitchen, leaving Harry, Louis and Nina by themselves.

"Are you free tomorrow night?" Louis asks out of sudden and Harry looks at him, blinking slowly. "I was thinking if you'd still be up for, you know, our Being Partners celebration."

"Oh." Harry breathes, stepping away from the big counter and cleaning his hands on his apron. "Yeah, I am. I'm free tomorrow night." He nods, crossing his arms over his chest. "Do you, um. Do you still want me to cook? We can come here. It's messy but -- you know. We can come here."

Louis smiles softly at him then, that one smile that Harry has even seen only a couple of times before, and it's sweet. It makes Harry warm, somehow. "Yeah, that'd be great", Louis agrees. "We can come here."

"Great." Harry tries a smile and he's not sure whether he succeeds or whether it comes out as a grimace. "Can you call Maggie and ask her if she can stay with Nina, then?"

"Maggie the miracle maker?" Louis jokes and Harry chuckles, nodding lightly.

Maggie is a thirteen-year-old who's been taking care of Nina ever since she turned three months -- she lives in the neighborhood and Kaitlyn had been fond of her ever since they had moved to the house. The fact that a thirteen-year-old girl could make three months old Nina stop crying better than her own parents was something that Louis and Harry would always make fun of when they would meet with Kaitlyn and Eric. However,  Harry gets it nowadays. Maggie is truly needed from time to time.

"I'll call her after lunch, she'll probably be home from school by then." 

"Okay." Harry smiles, biting his bottom lip. "I'll see you later today, then."

"Yeah." Louis nods, eyes bright. "Nina, can you say bye-bye to Harry?"

Nina looks away from her muffin to Harry with her big blue eyes and waves one of her small hands at him. " _Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba_ ", she babbles in between giggles and Harry grins at her, walking over the two of them so he can place a kiss on her soft cheek.

"See you later, sweetheart."

"See you, babycakes!" Louis chants and starts walking away, winking at him right before he steps out of the kitchen, leaving a wonderstruck Harry behind.

Two minutes later, in comes Niall with his eyes full of _I Know Everything_ and his sly smile plastered on his face. "What the hell just happened." He states because that's not a question. That's just his friend stating that he knows something not really  _normal_  just happened.

"Just shut up." Harry narrows his eyes at him and Niall laughs out loud, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I will never." Niall says.

Harry tries to pretend his heart isn't beating a bit faster than it should.


	11. I'll Make You Love Me Next Time We Meet

Saturday is usually a day Harry uses to just chill, and he succeeds most of the times. Before everything happened, he did it all by himself in his apartment by spending his mornings in bed or couch, and now he does it while chasing Nina around the house. He does that all by himself, too, since Louis has been busy with the play and sometimes has to work on rehearsals on weekends, and it's okay. It's just that it's not much of a day to just chill anymore.

Nina doesn't let him chill because she wants his attention all the time. The only break he gets is when she's finally down for her nap, two or three times during the day.

This particular Saturday feels different, though. It  _is_  different. It's  _celebration_ night with Louis and he's nervous. Nina is running around in the kitchen with a toy dinosaur in hands while he makes lunch and he's  _nervous_.

If a few weeks back, before everything happened, someone was to ask Harry if he would ever go out on a  _date_  with Louis again (it's a date, right? They're having dinner together, just the two of us and they'll be celebrating something. It's a date... _right?_ ), his answer would be a laugh whilst saying  _Hell No_. And the honest thing is that Harry's never really hated Louis.

He never truly did. There was never a hateful feeling, Harry wouldn't even say he didn't  _like_  Louis, because it would probably be a lie. It's just that the first time they didn't work as something that could be  _more,_ even for just a few minutes, then it didn't work at all, and it wouldn't. They've always been completely different people and they have never worked. Harry has always only tried to bear with Louis because he would always be there, no matter what Harry wanted. He has always only tried to stand him because of Kaitlyn and he's never really thought past that, he's never even allowed himself.

Every time he would catch Louis looking at him with soft eyes rather than the sly ones he would send him in the beginning, he would pretend not to see it. Every time Louis would flirt, he'd pretend it didn't happen; every time Louis would catch him staring longer than he should, he would look away and never think about it anymore. So Harry's never hated him. He never did.

So as he makes lunch for himself and Nina, he's nervous because he doesn't hate Louis and he never has, and that's scary. That's trouble and he doesn't know how to deal with the realization that he's always known about this but decided to never face it.

" _Ba-ba-ba-ba!"_ Ninais yelling by his side, shaking a toy dinosaur towards him and he looks down at her questioningly, even though he knows she's still not old enough to quite understand his facial expressions. " _Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba!_ "

"Are you asking me to play with you?" He asks her, chuckling as she keeps chanting the same thing over and over, hitting the dinosaur on his leg. "Baby, I'm making yummy lunch for us, okay?"

" _Baaaaaaa-baaaaaaaa"_  She runs away then, probably bored with Harry anyway. She gets bored pretty easily, he's noticed.

He shrugs, going back to his cooking and to his paranoid thoughts. He's pretty deep into it until there's a knock on the door and then sounds of steps going to the kitchen, Niall's face appearing through the door seconds later.

"Hey!" Harry smiles at him from his spot by the counter, glad to have a distraction. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I thought I might come here to see what the two of you are up to." Niall tells him as he watches Nina running around with a smile on his face. "What's up?" He looks at Harry and sits down on the high stool across from him.

"You can join us for lunch if you'd like. I'm making Chow-Mein because it seems like this is the only way Nina will ever eat vegetables."

"She eats pasta already?" Niall chuckles.

"Are you kidding? I don't know what, but this kid isn't human." Harry sighs dramatically, a grin on his face.

"Soooo," Niall narrows his eyes at him and then he knows what's coming. "Today is the day, isn't it."

"I don't know what you're talking about." But he does, and he can't stop  _thinking about it_.

"I'm talking about how you are going on a -- what is it that people call it, again? Oh, yeah,  _date_. With Tommo."

Harry glares at him. "It's not a date. We're just celebrating how we're now business partners and the fact that Nina is walking."

"Dinner for two?" Niall pretends to be thinking for a few seconds just to point a finger at Harry with a pretend surprised expression. "Date!"

Niall Horan, the one who never wastes any time on sharing what he thinks about something. Harry met him three years ago when he started his business and consequently needed people to hire, and Niall was the first one to answer to his endless online announcements and flyers around town. And since then, he's become his only true friend who he could count on besides Kaitlyn. Now, though, he's the only one. 

Harry's never had many friends, really. Even when he was just a kid, he only had three of them, or four, he's not even sure and doesn't keep in touch with them anymore. High School was also kind of pretty sad for him -- he wasn't that one kid who would always get picked on or something, people didn't mind him and he was never bullied or anything, but he was also pretty much always alone. There was this one guy, Jev, that he could say he was friends with because the kid was just like him, not cool enough to hang with people, it seemed. Harry didn't really mind, though. It wasn't hell for him, he could always go through the day. It's just that he really wanted it to end, and the fact that it did kind of changed his life. He met Kaitlyn who became his rock, really, and that led him to meet Kaitlyn's friends as well, and then Eric, and Eric's friends and Nina and  _Louis_.

Now he's here, making lunch for his dead best friends' daughter and waiting for his so-called date with someone he's never thought he'd be going on a date with ever again. And it's okay. He's fine.

"What are you cooking?" Niall asks and Harry glares at him once again.

"Chow-Mein." He says and Niall raises his brows at him as if silently telling him to get a grip and just accept what is happening. "I don't know, alright? Maybe a risotto or something."

"Oh, risotto. Fancy." Niall wiggles his brows suggestively. 

"Shut the fuck up, Niall." Harry chuckles, shaking his head. 

"What are you wearing?"

"Could you stop already?!" Harry throws a chopped carrot at him and Niall laughs. "It's not a date."

"It is if you never shut your mouth about him." Niall states easily and Harry blinks at him surprised. "Why are you looking at me like that? It's true. You talk about him twenty-four-seven. I know more about how Tommo is an annoying ass than I know about your relationship with Jordan."

"That's..." Harry contemplates for a moment, wondering if he does talk about Louis more than he should. "...not true." He decides, shaking his head in disagreement as he throws all the vegetables into the pan with boiling water. "Not true at all."

"Then why do I know about how Louis brought a girl called Ashley in one night and they were so loud you had to sleep with headphones on?" Niall glares at him, derisive.

"Don't remind me of that," Harry groans, glowering. 

"See!" Niall laughs, slapping his hands on the counter. "I'm right! Ha!"

"That's not something you should be celebrating, Niall." Harry scowls, adding some seasoning to the saucepan.

"You're going on a date." Niall insists. "Maggie's staying with Nina, then?"

"Yeah. We won't take long."

"Bet you won't." Niall looks at him mischievously and Harry huffs. 

When Harry doesn't have anything to say to that, Niall lets it be. By noon they sit at the dinner table and Harry manages to make Nina eat most of what's on her plate, all the while thinking about what's about to happen in a few hours. Niall looks at him knowingly from time to time, but he pretends not to see it.


	12. I Can' Stop Digging The Way You Make Me Feel

"You know my number in case you need to call, right?" Harry asks Maggie for the third time ever since she arrived three minutes ago.

She smiles sweetly at him, even though he knows she's getting annoyed, because she's just that kind of sweet girl. "I do, don't worry.", she promises with a polite smile and with Nina in her arms playing with her hair.

Harry knows she has his phone number, it's just that he never left Nina at night with only Maggie to take care of her. It's usually during the day that he needs her, when he has to work on something and Louis isn't there to watch Nina and vice-versa. So he's worried. Harry worries too much. He knows Maggie is great with her, and Nina loves her. Sometimes she's the only one who can make her stop crying — they've called her a couple of times before so she could help them out.

"Harry," Louis calls for him from the doorstep, smiling. Harry turns his head to look at him. "She'll be fine. Let's go."

"Right." He breathes. "Okay. Call me if anything happens, okay? Anything at all, Maggie."

"I promise, Harry."

"Okay." He looks at Nina in her arms and smiles softly. "I'll be right back, okay, love? Good night." He kisses her forehead. "See you later, Maggie."

He walks out of the house and Louis closes the door behind him, locking it. They just stand there for a few seconds, staring at each other until Louis chuckles amusedly and Harry smiles big.

"Can we finally go now?" Louis asks, gesturing towards his bike parked next to Harry's car.

"Oh, hell no. We're not doing that." Harry refuses right away and Louis chuckles a little bit louder, grabbing Harry by his wrist and dragging him to the motorcycle.

"We're not driving your  _Prius_." Louis tells him, voice shaky with laughter. "I promise you it'll be fun. You can hold me as tight as it'll take to make you feel safe."

It feels like Harry's heart stops beating for a moment and like he can't breathe. He tries to recompose himself as fast as he can.

"Please, don't do that to me." He begs dramatically, sighing deeply.

"Come on, Harry, live a little. It's not that cold outside tonight and it'll be great. I can teach you how to drive it later."

Harry widens his eyes and shakes his head in refusal. "No, thanks."

" _No, thanks_  to what, exactly?" Louis smiles and the way he looks at Harry is the way Harry keeps trying to ignore. It seems like fondness and it isn't supposed to  _be there_.

"No to the teaching thing," Harry says, crossing his arms over his chest. "Maybe to the driving it to the bakery."

Louis grins. "Maybe?", he repeats.

"Yeah, I'm thinking about it."

"For the record, you'll look great on it. That with all the black leather jacket, tight black jeans and boots. With a motorbike, you'll look like a proper rock star."

Harry blushes, then. He blushes and he's mortified that he does because Louis notices and grins even wider at that.

"You probably won't look so bad yourself on it."  He answers and it's lame but true.

Louis is wearing a long sleeve white shirt, dark blue jeans and black sneakers and he looks so simply good it should be a crime.

"I know for sure this is the first time ever you give me a compliment." Louis states and Harry snorts, climbing the bike right after Louis does so. "Another reason to celebrate."

The driving is silent, but surprisingly not the uncomfortable kind of silent and it eases Harry up a little bit; the wind hits his body hard as Louis drives their way to the bakery, and Harry finds himself thinking why the hell he's never done this before.

It feels a little bit like freedom, like Harry gets the taste of it for the first time, and it feels great. It feels amazing, so amazing it makes him laugh. He laughs freely and loud, his arms tight around Louis' waist. He can feel Louis chuckling quietly through the vibrations coming from his chest and it warms his own for a bit.

It's been a while since he's felt quite like this. He remembers feeling this light the last time he saw Kaitlyn — they went out for a hike, Eric and Louis stayed home so they could stay with Nina and it was a Saturday just like this one; Harry had skipped his chill morning so they could drive to Rattlesnake Ridge and do its hiking, and Harry remembers feeling this way when they finally reached the top and were faced with the incredible view. He remembers feeling this light and this free and this warm, and that was the last time he got to see and spend quality time with his best friend, and the last time he felt this way until now.

He feels his nerves quieting down as he uses his light mood and the silence to think about the current situation.

_Shit_ , this is a date, isn't it?

Niall was right and  _Harry_  was right the first time he thought about it. This is a date. Harry is going on a date with Louis, someone he's sworn he'd never do it with again. This is right, isn't it? This is  _okay_. It means nothing more than it is, just a date night. They're friends, now, aren't they? Harry could say that. So it's alright if they go out like this, for Harry to cook him special dinner and for them to look and smile at each other like they more than bear each other.

Louis is the one giving this light feeling of  _freedom_  and this is a  _date_ , isn't it?

He wouldn't even notice the motorbike has stopped if it wasn't for Louis tapping on his knee and saying, "Are you ready to cook me some good stuff?"

Harry chuckles, glad that he's wearing a helmet, otherwise it would be very clear he's blushing like hell. "I don't think  _you're_  quite ready for it."

He climbs out of the bike and Louis follows him right after, making their way into the bakery. Harry turns on a few lights so they can find their way to the kitchen without tripping on anything.

"I thought we could have shrimp risotto." Harry tells him once they're in the kitchen. Louis sits down on a high stool by the big counter as Harry opens the fridge to grab the shrimp and other ingredients he brought in earlier today. "I remember you mentioning shrimp being your favorite kind of seafood."

He notices the surprised look on Louis' face and then feels his cheeks warm once again. "You remember that? Didn't I mention that, like, two years ago when Kaitlyn decided she wanted you to make seafood night in their house?", Louis questions, eyes bright as he watches Harry moving around.

"Um," Harry clears his throat and places a tray full of shrimp in the sink. "Yeah, I think so."

"Good memory." Louis says, and Harry can't see his face because of their position — Harry's back facing him.

Harry doesn't tell him that he remembers mostly everything that Louis' ever talked about.

"Have you ever tried it?" He asks out of anything else to say and looks over his shoulder to eye Louis' briefly. "Shrimp risotto." He explains once he sees the confused look on Louis' face.

"Oh." Louis blinks. "Not yours."

Harry smiles then, hiding it on his shoulder and going back to washing the shrimp.

 

***

 

"So, when will I get to watch you as Ren MacCormack?" Harry asks as they finish dinner, sipping on his glass of wine.

Louis looks up at him from his plate, chewing slowly with an amused smile perking on the corner of his lips before he speaks. "They'll start selling tickets in two months, I think. The release date for the play is on June 15th."

"Can't wait, then." Harry tells him honestly, smiling behind his glass before taking a sip once again.

"You're going?" Louis asks, sounding genuinely surprised, as if Harry's question wasn't answer enough.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know." Louis shrugs, placing his fork on the plate after he's done with the food on his plate. "I don't see why you'd waste your time, giving that you can't stand me and all."

Harry knows it's a joke, he can tell by the way Louis is smirking at Him from across the counter, but he doesn't think twice before making sure that Louis knows that's not true  _anymore,_ or has never actually been real at all. "You and I both know that's not true.", he says and then it feels like he can't even breathe anymore, Louis' eyes fixed on his and the room dead silent.

They stay like that, staring at each other for what it feels like to be ages, and Harry feels something different, something he can't quite describe. He feels something lifting from his shoulders, making him feel a lot lighter. It feels something like realization all over again, and he's so scared to think about it.

"Are you finished?" Louis asks after a long moment of them both just staring deep at each other. Harry blinks at him, confused. "With dinner. Are you finished? I wanna show you something."

"Oh." Harry breathes. "Yeah. I am."

Louis stands up from the stool and grabs their plates to place it in the sink, washing all the dishes so quick Harry doesn't even have time to realize what just happened -- well, he does have time, it just takes him longer to understand, so he doesn't even tell Louis that it's okay, he'll deal with the dishes in the morning.

"Come on," Louis grabs his wrist after walking away from the sink free from dirty dishes, pulling him lightly out of the kitchen.

"What is it you wanna show me?" Harry asks him after turning the lights off and locking the door once they're outside. He turns around to see Louis standing next to his bike with a big smile, patting its seat with one of his hands. Harry raises his brows questioningly, wary. "You wanted to show me your bike?" He snorts.

"I want to show you how to ride it." 

Harry rolls his eyes then, walking towards Louis until they're facing each other. "I told you I'm not doing that.", he says with a smile. "I don't want to ruin your bike nor do I want to die or anything."

Louis laughs at that, tilting his head back with his eyes tight shut and hands on his stomach. Harry stares at him as he does so, unblinking.

"You're not going to  _die_." Louis tells him, breathless with laughter. "You'll be fine."

"Please," Harry begs, chuckling lightly. "I seriously cannot do that. Maybe someday, but not today, please. Especially not after drinking two glasses of wine."

Louis stares at him for a moment, thinking. "Alright.", he gives in. "But don't think I'll forget about this."

"I didn't think you would." Harry smiles, eyes soft. 

"Okay, are you ready to go? I wanna stop somewhere before we head home." 

 

***

 

Harry doesn't say anything when Louis parks at the Gasworks Park's parking lot, he climbs out of the bike quietly and waits for Louis to lead the way. His stomach feels weird and light when Louis grabs his hand softly, guiding him into the park.

They walk in silence until Louis stops them on the highest spot. It's dark out, even with the few lights on around the park, but the view in front of them is one of Harry's favorite. There are a few people sitting around, but Harry could count them on his fingers.

They're facing the same view Harry and Louis are right now — bright downtown, with so many lights that it's not so dark anymore, and the moon is bright above. The Space Needle is full of life, and Harry loves it.

"This is my favorite spot." Louis speaks lowly out of sudden and Harry turns his head to look at him. "I've been coming here ever since I was fourteen. I mean, by myself." He smiles, eyes fixed on the view. "It was around the time my dad left, and the house was always so chaotic then that I needed time for myself. It was just me until I met Eric, you know? I had many friends before him, but it was never the same."

Harry is looking at him so intensely that he's afraid his eyes might fall off or something creepy like that, and Louis doesn't look back at him. He just  _talks_  and Harry doesn't even know  _why_  he's sharing this.

"Then he started coming here with me, and it became our spot. We got each other from the beginning, you know? Giving that, you know, his parents passed away when he was pretty young. And it's just — I still had my mom, but I didn't have a dad anymore and I didn't quite know how to deal with that, and Eric was there for me, and he got me." Louis keeps going, sighing deeply in between his words and Harry's heart feels like a tick-timing bomb. "And he was there for me every fucking time," He chuckles lightly and sits down on the grass, Harry following his lead and never looking away from him, like his eyes are stuck on Louis or something. "There was this time that we were riding our bikes, it was Summer and we'd been so happy, you know? And we were outside, around my neighborhood and I managed to crash right into a tree and I fell so hard, you wouldn't even know."

Louis stops talking for a moment and turns his head to look at Harry for a few seconds before looking back to the view.

"I couldn't walk for weeks because the way I fell did something to my back and I couldn't  _walk_. It was so scary, and it was summertime." He snorts, shaking his head. "I was stuck in my bed or the living room chair for weeks and Eric never left my side. He was there every day. He chose me over his sunny and hot days."

It's silent then, and Harry doesn't know if he should say something, but he feels like he should just wait, and his throat is burning up from how much he suddenly wants to  _cry_.

"I still can't believe he's gone. Something terrible happened to him and I couldn't even do anything to help." He looks right at Harry then, eyes on eyes. "And I've been feeling like shit, you know? For talking to some of his and Kaitlyn's families so they could take care of Nina instead of us. I've been feeling like shit because he left and this is the way I could help and I almost  _didn't_."

Harry blinks at him, confused. "But you are, Louis. Right now, you're doing what you can and you're doing great. Nina loves you."

"I know, I know." He nods, still staring at Harry. "It's just...he didn't even think twice before helping me, and there I was, having..."

"Louis," Harry interrupts him, placing his hand over Louis' on the grass. "I don't believe for a second that even if someone would've said yes, you'd walk away from this."

"How can you know that? I feel like I did him wrong or something."

"Because you're a good person, Louis." Harry tells him easily, his heart beating crazy fast. Louis stares at him, unblinking. "You're good, and you didn't do Eric wrong. You're doing your best, and your best is enough."

"I couldn't do this without you, though." Louis whispers and suddenly they're so close Harry can feel Louis' warm breath against his lips. He doesn't move away. "And I know why they did this."

"Why?" Harry whispers back, eyes suddenly heavy.

He notices Louis averting his eyes to his lips twice before closing the gap between them, and then he's kissing him.

Harry feels Louis' thin and warm lips against his own and it feels like it's a new years party, fireworks all around, clouding his mind with  _Louis Louis Louis Louis._ It takes him two seconds before he kisses him back and he could swear he has never felt quite like this before. It's different, completely different and it feels like paradise.

It's a kiss, but it feels like an avalanche washing away every worry and any other thoughts that Harry might've had a few moments ago.

 


	13. I'm Not Falling 'Cuz I Want To, You Keep Pushing Me

It's dead silent by the time they arrive home, just like their ride from the park and Harry can't think straight.

Louis had kissed him and Harry had kissed him back, and a kiss has never felt that good before. They'd kissed for long and sweet few minutes until they were out of breath, and none of them did anything besides staring at each other up until Louis stood up and offered his hand to Harry so they could walk out of the park and head home, leading them here, in this moment where Harry can't think straight.

There's not a single hint of regret in his body, although he keeps thinking if what they did was right. He quite remembers the Social Worker telling them not to get involved with each other, but it was just a kiss, right? They did no harm, they're  _fine_.

Harry is fine, he's  _okay_. He's never been better. Harry feels like he's up in the clouds, floating away to paradise and it feels wonderful. Louis'd kissed him like he was the only one in the entire world and Harry's never felt like that -- his heart beating like crazy, out of breath and mind blank from everything else that wasn't Louis.

And now they're home and they're still to say anything at all, both of them standing awkwardly by the closed door behind them. Louis turns his body so he can face Harry and is ready to say something when Maggie quietly comes downstairs with a smile on her face.

"Hi! I've just put her down." Maggie tells them once she stops in front of them.

"Thank you so much, Maggie. What would we ever do without you?" Louis says kindly, smiling at her as he reaches for money in his pockets and hands her a twenty-dollar bill once he finds it. "Have a good night."

"Thank you, love." Harry smiles as she makes her way out of the door.

"I hope you guys had a great night." She looks up at Harry standing by the door, smiling. "You two are my favorite couple." She blushes and giggles, not giving time for him to answer her, running away to her house.

Harry stands there, smile fading as he blinks slowly. He turns around and closes the door behind him to find Louis smiling amusedly. "Did you hear that?", he asks.

"I did." Louis nods, stepping closer to Harry until their shoes covered toes are touching. "I wanna kiss you again." He whispers, eyes averting from Harry's own to his lips.

"Okay." He breathes and leans in, but Louis pulls his face away. "What?" Harry questions, blinking.

"I wanna kiss you upstairs."

Harry's heart feels like it's about to explode from his chest, then. He feels like he might not be able to breathe ever again and he doesn't  _care_ , as long as Louis keeps looking at him like that — like there's no one else in the entire world he'd rather look at, with fondness and lust in his eyes, and it warms Harry all up, from his head to his toes and he wants him so bad. Harry wants him like he's never wanted anyone else in his life and it's too much. It's suddenly too much and he wants it all.

Harry wants to drink it all in one gulp and he wants to be drunk on it. He wants to be drunk on Louis all night, until the sun rises and he feels like he might never want anything else rather than this moment; rather than Louis pulling him upstairs by his hand and leading them to his bedroom. He feels like he might never want anything else rather than Louis guiding him to the bed until the back of his knees touch the mattress and he finds himself laying down on his back, looking up at this man who makes him feel things he doesn't even  _understand_.

Louis crawls his way up until he's face to face with Harry, both of his hands placed on the mattress on both sides of Harry's head. They're staring at each other, and Louis is yet to kiss him once again and he's eager. Harry wants Louis to kiss him and never stop, ever again. Harry wants Louis to kiss him like there's nothing else to worry in the world.

Louis is quietly staring at him, his eyes moving from Harry's lips to his blushed cheeks and wide eyes. "You're so damn gorgeous.", he whispers, his warm breath hitting Harry's lips.

Harry feels his cheeks warm up even hotter, and he knows he's flushed red, blinking up at Louis' and staring deep into his blue eyes.

Before he can even come up with anything to say, Louis kisses him hard and the world stops, leaving just them both to live this moment and make the most of it. Louis kisses him and it feels like Christmas night, fairy lights all over his body, flashing so fast it might burn. Louis kisses him and it feels like a thunderstorm, and Harry never wants it to stop.

Harry kisses him back, hands tight on Louis' neck and pulling some of his soft hair while Louis' hands wander on his torso and stop on his waist, squeezing it hard.

"What about —  _uhhhh_  — what about Nina?" Harry voices in between a groan as Louis sucks onto his sensitive throat.

It's just that it hits him that they're not alone; that Nina is right across the hall sleeping and that she might wake up any time, with any sound because she's  _that_  kind of sleeper. The one who wakes up to anything.

"She's fine," Louis murmurs against his neck. "We just have to be quiet." That seems to do something to Harry, if the way he whimpers and squirms under Louis says anything at all. "Can you be quiet?"

Louis is staring down at him, dark eyes and swollen lips and Harry doesn't think he's ever seen someone this beautiful, it should be a  _crime_. And as Louis leans down to kiss him one more time, this time harder and  _hotter_ , he thinks of all the times he's thought of the same thing —  _I've never seen someone this beautiful._

Harry remembers the first time he saw Louis, standing by his door with that stupid cap of his, smirking up at him as if he hadn't been so damn late for their excuse of a date; he remembers thinking that someone couldn't be that attractive, it couldn't be  _possible_. Yet there he was, looking so damn good Harry had just wanted to punch that pretty smile out of his face.

The only difference between then and now is that back then, if someone had asked him what he thought of Louis and if he'd ever get together with him the answer would've been —  _he's the most selfish prick I have ever met, and hell no._  Now, though, the answer would be something he's never thought it would. If someone was to ask him that question now, he'd say  _Louis is the selfless person I have ever met, and I want to._

As Louis takes off his shirt and doing the same to Harry right after, Harry thinks that he wants to  _get together_  so bad; as Louis pecks his lips softly and leans back to give him a sweet smile as he unbuttons Harry's jeans, Harry thinks that he's been wanting to  _get together_ so bad for a while now and he feels like a fool.

As Louis undresses them both with patience and care, he thinks that this has been probably meant to be all along and he feels like a fool for never allowing himself to  _see_.

"Are you alright?" Louis asks when he's face to face to Harry after he's thrown their clothes on the floor, leaving them with nothing but their pants on.

Harry blinks up at him and drags his hands slowly over Louis' strong arms and sharp waist. He wants to tell him that he's more than fine and that he's been waiting for this for so long it  _hurts,_  even though he didn't know before.

"Kiss me," He whispers instead and Louis doesn't think twice before going in for yet another kiss, and it gets better and better every time.

It feels chaotic then, desperate. It feels like they have both been waiting for this single moment for so long that they can't waste any other second. Louis' steals his breath by kissing the hell out of him and Harry does the same to him, hands all over each other's bodies and hips moving fast against each other and it feels good, it feels so good it should be illegal. They're dry humping each other and it shouldn't feel like Harry is flying away to paradise. He feels like a teenage boy all over again, so fucking horny it makes his body feel like it's on fire.

And he is. Harry's on fire. Louis is setting fire to his whole body with his own soft hands and it shouldn't feel this good.

"God," Louis groans against Harry's lips, his hips snapping fast against Harry's, their crotches rubbing together ever so nicely. "Can we — ugh, can we..." And he can't even finish his sentence, but Harry gets him. Harry knows what he's saying.

"Yeah. Yeah, please." He breathes, running his hands through Louis' back until they reach his ass, and he squeezes it hard, making Louis moan a little bit louder and his hips snap even faster.

And that seems to be the answer Louis needed. After pecking Harry's lips one more time, he climbs out of his hovering position over Harry and stands up from the bed, taking quick steps to his bathroom and coming back with two condoms and a medium sized bottle of what it seems to be lube.

Harry's heart goes crazier, then, and he's afraid Louis might even hear it due to how fast and loud it's beating.  _So, this is happening._

Louis gets to bed once again and spreads Harry's legs apart so he can kneel in between them after placing the necessary things next to Harry's right leg, slowly running his hands from Harry's tights to his ankles once he's comfortable in his kneeling position.

"What do you want me to do, Harry?" Louis asks in a low voice that sounds like a melody to Harry's ears.

Harry wants to tell him  _everything_ , to do everything that he wants to do with him. Because he does, he wants Louis to do whatever he pleases to his body because it'll please him right back; he wants to say that in that moment he belongs to him, and that he wants to be that way for the rest of the night and month and year and how long it fucking takes. "Just take me,", it's what he ends up saying, hands itching to touch Louis.

He notices Louis' eyes growing darker as he takes a deep breath, climbing his way up so he can be face to face to Harry and kiss him deeply, their tongues meeting like they've known each other for so long.

"I will," Louis breathes, trailing kisses down Harry's neck to his chest. "I want to so bad." 

And so Louis does. 

Louis takes him the way he's never been taken before, and he's been waiting for this. Harry has been waiting for someone to make love to him like they have all night and all day and all  _week_ for so long -- he's been waiting for someone to make him feel this whole; to make him feel like there's no worry in the world as long as he's feeling like this, like his body is on fire and he won't mind burning up. 

Louis takes him and Harry wants to be taken by him for as long as Louis wants him.

 

***

 

It's late at night when Harry's got Louis cuddling him from behind as they lazily lay on Louis' bed, and they have been talking for thirty minutes now about random and also specific things like -- randomly talking about how Harry Potter could have ever broken the most powerful wand of all times just like it didn't mean a thing at all or the way the Black Hole is sucking everything away and how Planet Earth will be next in about one thousand years or so; or like specifically talking about how they must start deciding on which school Nina will be going next year and how she's growing up so fast right before their eyes.

It's all soft and low voice and light hand squeezes until Louis starts giggling against Harry's next out of sudden, and before Harry can even hold himself back he's got a grin on his face. "What is it?", he asks quietly.

"I actually have something for us." Louis says, his voice muffled as he's got his mouth lightly against Harry's nape.

"What?" 

"I found it when we decided to clean the house to make it look a little bit more like ours." Louis starts and Harry turns his body so he can face him, their noses touching. "It was inside one of Eric's bedside-table drawers."

"Do I even wanna know?" Harry chuckles and when he notices Louis' face turning into a big grin and mischievous look he narrows his eyes, suspicious. "What is it that you found, Louis?"

"Weed, of course." Louis admits, giggling like a kid.

"What?!"

"Yeah, it was from Nina's birthday when we --"

"Nina's birthday?!" Harry interrupts him, raising his torso and supporting his upper body on his elbow on the mattress, looking down at Louis with wide eyes. "You guys were stoned on Nina's birthday? How the fuck could you --"

"Harry!" It's Louis' turn to interrupt him from talking any longer, his hand over Harry's mouth. "We weren't stoned because we didn't smoke it. It's just that those two boys who showed up to fix that inflatable castle Kaitlyn'd wanted so much had this small bag of weed and we kind of got it from them. We told them they were lucky we wouldn't tell the police." He laughs. "They were the ones stoned."

"And you found it in his drawer?" Harry blinks at him after Louis is done shutting him up with his oh-so-soft hand.

"I did. He didn't use it, apparently, and I'm surprised he didn't, to be honest. In case you didn't know, Kaitlyn was a sucker for getting stoned from time to time."

"I did know that, Louis." Harry snorts, rolling his eyes. "Now you want  _us_ to use it?"

"That's the plan, yeah."

"But we can't smoke in the house, Louis."

"It's a good thing we live in Washington, then. Let's just go outside and --"

"And leave Nina inside while we're out there getting our asses stoned? Are you kidding me?"

They stare at each other for a while before Louis frowns in defeat. "I guess we're not getting stoned, then."

"Well," Harry sighs, trying not to smile from ear to ear. "We could always cook."

"What -- why would we even cook at ass in the night when --," He stops himself, blinking as he looks at Harry smiling wide at him. "Oh." He breathes. " _Oh_."

"Took you long enough." Harry pats Louis' tummy and stands up from the bed, fishing his pants from the floor and wearing it. "Let's go."

"Are we seriously cooking something with weed?"

"Brownies."

"We're making weed brownies?" Louis giggles, following Harry out of the room after wearing his own pants.

"Just go get the fucking weed already, Tommo."

Louis grabs him by the wrist to stop him from walking and Harry turns around to face him. "Don't call me that.", he whispers as he runs his hand along Harry's arm.

"What? Tommo? Why?" Harry frowns, quizzical. 

"It's just..." Louis sighs and laces their finger together. "It doesn't feel right when it's you calling me that. It never did, to be honest."

"Oh. I'm sorry, I guess."

"No! No, it's not that." Louis shakes his head and pulls Harry closer to him. "I just -- I want to be just  _Louis_ when I'm with you."

Harry stares at him blankly before smiling softly and pulling him in for a kiss. "Let's just go get stoned like stupid teenagers."

"Okay."

 

***

 

"I don't taste the weed." Louis says with a mouth full of chocolate brownie after taking his first bite.

Harry looks at him from across the counter, smiling amusedly. "Well, with the amount of chocolate I put on this, I'm not surprised.", he shrugs and takes a bite himself, humming in satisfaction. "Damn, I'm good."

Louis snorts and throws a dishcloth at him. "Some modesty you have!"

"Thank you," Harry nods with a pretend serious face and Louis walks around the counter to step behind him, kissing the nape of his neck and making him shiver.

"Thank  _you_  for this delicious weed chocolate brownie." Louis giggles and grabs another brownie from the counter, his arms around Harry's waist.

"We're so irresponsible." Harry realizes after finishing his second brownie, turning his body around and facing Louis, who's patiently chewing on his bite. He raises his brows at Harry questioningly. "Nina is sleeping upstairs and we're down here eating weed brownies."

"It's a good thing she started sleeping through the whole night without waking up." Louis smirks and pecks Harry'a chocolatey lips.

"You're terrible." Harry huffs and lightly pushes Louis away so he can grab the plate full of brownies from the counter. "Let's watch some TV while we eat this, for fuck's sake."

"Yeah, let's do it. It makes sense." Louis agrees with a blank face that Harry knows it's just bullshit.

They stare at each other for a few seconds before bursting out laughing. Harry kisses him senseless before they walk to the living room.

Seven brownies each later, Harry's laying on the couch with his head against Louis' lap and Nina's favorite channel on the TV, playing the stupidest cartoon he has ever seen.

"That's so funny," Louis laughs, dragging his words. "I get it why Nina loves it so much."

"I don't." Harry pouts, eyes heavy fixed on the TV. "They're just a bunch of crazy animals who have way too much imagination for their own good."

" _Your backyard friends, the Backyardigans,_ " Louis sings along with the characters, giggling like Nina would do if she was watching it.

"Why do they call each other Backyardigans, that's so  _lame_ ," He complains and turns his back to the TV, his face now against Louis' low stomach. "You're lame."

"They call each other that because they're little cuties that play in the backyard, Harry."

"It still doesn't make any sense," Harry whines dramatically.

"Everything makes sense if you want it to." Louis says as if he's so damn wise.

"You're so full of shit." Harry snorts, leaning his head back away from Louis' stomach so he can look up at him. "Your shit doesn't make any sense."

"What even makes sense to you, anyway? You're the one full of shit, I'll have you know."

"It makes sense that Kaitlyn and Eric wanted us to look after Nina in case they died." Harry chuckles and Louis looks down at him, huffing out a laugh. "Do you think they knew we'd end up here? Like, we just fucked and now we're stoned out of our fucking asses, for crying out loud."

"That was a good fuck." Louis narrows his eyes and nods his head, making Harry laugh harder and louder. "Shh, you wild human!"

"I can't believe we've had sex. That was the stupidest thing we could've ever done besides buying that ugly rug you wanted for Nina's room."

"Oi!" Louis twists one of Harry's bare nipples with his soft fingers and Harry squirms, giggling like a school girl. "That is a beautiful rug and you know it. She loves it."

"She doesn't even know that's in the room, Louis. For fuck's sake, you never stop talking shit."

Louis is quiet for a moment, thoughtful. Harry sits up and stares at him, his legs folded under him comfortably.

"I'm so sure you would've been just as stupid as the Real Harry and would've broken the fucking wand just like he did." Louis states out of sudden and Harry frowns at him confusedly before laughing so hard his eyes are watering.

"At least he saved the world." Harry shrugs, still laughing. "Thanks to him and his great friends our world is safe from You Know Who."

Louis laughs as well, leaning his head back against the couch, his eyes never leaving Harry's face. "You know," he breathes and reaches out for one of Harry's hands, lacing their fingers together. "I've wanted this for a while now."

Harry's stoned heart and mind go crazy then, one hundred miles per second and he feels like he might explode. "What?", he asks dumbly, green eyes on blue.

"Having you." Louis admits in a whisper and Harry doesn't remember how to breathe. "You."

Harry doesn't know what to say and he doesn't know if he wants to say anything at all, but the one thing he wants is to make sure Louis knows he feels the same fucking way, and has been feeling the same way for a while, too. So he climbs onto Louis' lap and places his hands on Louis' jaw, pulling him close until their lips touch in a sweet kiss and their tongue meet as if they're good old friends who haven't seen each other for so long.

Harry kisses him to show him that he  _feels_. Harry kisses him to silently tell him that he's never wanted to kiss someone like this, that he's never wanted to be with someone this much; Harry kisses him and hugs him tight to let him know that he's not going anywhere.

Harry asks Louis in a whisper to make love to him once again, right on that couch, so he can show him that what they have, right there, is  _home_.


	14. You Care For Me, You Ask Of Me, I'll Do It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what am I doing guys

It's not up until Harry finally wakes up to a very loud crying baby across the hall that he realizes it's probably pretty late for Nina already, and that she has probably been crying for a few long minutes now.

He groans and as he lazily opens his eyes, he's faced with a sound asleep Louis, who's got his head pressed comfortably against Harry's chest. Flashes from the night before floods his mind right then, making his heart beat fast enough that he's afraid it'll wake Louis up. It doesn't, so he's left to sigh in relief as he thinks about everything that's happened and how it makes him feel.

When he manages to move out of Louis' warm cuddle, he sits still for a few seconds with his eyes fixed on his face and it does something to his heart he doesn't quite know how to explain. It's warm, but it makes his stomach feels cold somehow and his throat itch with a lump. It makes him want to cry as well, somehow, because this is so fucking new. He smiles weakly when Louis sighs in his sleep, wrapping his arms around Harry's pillow, but then he feels something that's a lot like guilt twisting in his chest as Jordan suddenly crosses his mind.

Harry stands up from the bed before he actually starts crying. Better to leave it just for Nina to do it. He walks across the hall and into her bedroom and she stops crying as soon as she sees him, reaching out to him with her small arms, a tired little smile on her cute face.

"Good morning, sweetheart." He whispers as he takes her into his arms and swings her from side to side for a few seconds before kissing her cheeks. "Are you hungry?"

She's staring at his eyes with her big blue ones when she says it; smiling at him with her two cute little teeth when she almost makes heart jump out of his chest and explode. "Dada,", is what she says with a tilt of her head, her reddish blond hair reaching her neck and bouncing a little as she does so.

He's staring right back at her with wide eyes and stuck words forming a big lump in his throat. He feels his eyes welling up a little but he doesn't cry. "What did you just say?", he asks dumbly because that's all he can do, really. "Oh, my god."

"Dada?" She does it again and it sounds a lot like a question and it makes him chuckle weakly, staring at her in disbelief. " _Dada, dada, dada_ ", she chants and sounds a bit frustrated now, since she's probably asking for something but Harry is too amazed by what is currently happening.

"Nina, I'm not --" He actually starts to correct her --  _I'm not your Dada, Nina, I'm Harry, okay? Harry, can you say it? Harry_ \-- because it doesn't feel fair to Eric nor Kaitlyn, but then again...he's there, right? He's there for Nina every hour of every day basically, just like Louis is and this is it, isn't it? That's what being a parent it. Harry isn't just Harry anymore, not for her. He hasn't been just Harry for her for a while now and it hits him so hard he blinks a few times before smiling big at her, squeezing her in his arms. "Yes, love. Let's go downstairs and get some yummy brekkie."

" _Dadaaaaaaaaa,_ " She yells with all of her lungs and giggles like an angel.

Harry giggles along with her when he hears Louis groans loudly in the other room.

***

 

"What do we have here?" Louis steps into the kitchen twenty minutes later to find Harry sitting next to Nina on her high chair, both of them already eating breakfast.

Harry smiles softly at him and his heart does that thing again when Louis smiles back, placing an even softer kiss to his lips like it's something they  _just do_. He catches himself wishing it actually turns out to be something they just do; wishing it turns out to be how they greet each other in the morning and how they tell each other goodnight.

"I made us some blueberry pancakes." Harry tells him, still smiling. He can't stop doing it, it seems.

"An angel," Louis blows him a kiss from across the counter as he grabs a plate and fills it with three pancakes at once, adding a huge amount of maple syrup. Harry chuckles as he shakes his head, looking back at Nina, who's very pleased with her own pancakes. "What?"

"There's more maple syrup in your plate than actual pancakes." Harry states, arching his brows at Louis once he looks back at him again.

Louis stares at him blankly. "That's the whole point.", he says with a wiggle of his hand. "Why does it look like Godzilla threw a party here in this very own kitchen?"

"Because you decided it was a good idea to get stoned last night."

"Excuse me, you were the one to suggest the brownies." Louis points his fork at Harry as he chews. "Good brownies."

Harry laughs softly, grabbing a bite from his plate and chewing slowly before saying. "Good brownies, indeed.", he uses a suggestive tone that Louis catches on right away, eyes shining his way.

Before Louis can even say anything to that, there's a knock on the door that startles both of them, and they look at each other for a moment before Harry huffs in defeat and stand up from his stool and walking towards the front door.

He looks through the peephole first instead of opening the door right away and is surprised to see their Social Worker standing on the other side of the door holding a black suitcase and wearing a white shirt under a black social jacket and a dark purple pencil skirt that makes her legs look longer than it should, and she's not even that tall.

Harry widens his eyes and rushes back to the kitchen, walking around like a madman to clean it all up as fast as he can. "A little help, please?", he frowns at Louis while cleaning the flour away from the counter when he notices Louis is still not doing anything, just staring at him like he's suddenly got two heads or something.

"What's going on?" Louis asks as he climbs off of the stool and starts helping.

"She's here again!" He shouts-whispers, putting the dishes away in the dishwasher, finding the small bag of weed they used the night before and widening his eyes. "Get rid of this!"

"What? Who is  _she_ , exactly?" Louis frowns in confusion and grabs the bag Harry's shoving at his face. "Calm down, will you?"

"The social worker lady!" Harry spots the plate of brownies sitting on the center table in the living room from the kitchen and practically runs to it so he can place it somewhere else, tripping over his own feet and almost falling down in the way.

"Ugh, what is it that she loves Sundays so much?" Louis groans after putting the bag of weed deep in the trash can. "Sundays are a holy day. It shouldn't be disturbed."

"Shut up and help!" Harry hisses and then she's knocking on the door again, probably getting impatient.

"I am helping!" Louis scowls.

Harry ignores him and opens every door of all the kitchen shelves to find the only spray that will help with the smell stinking the house. Louis is so  _stupid_. Why would he suggest doing weed if he knows it stinks like this?

He finally finds it and starts spraying it all around the kitchen and every other room in the house, doing the kitchen once again after he's done with everywhere else and almost spraying it on Louis' face.

He grabs two shirts from the laundry room and throws one at Louis for him to wear and wears the other one, rushing his way to the door and finally opening it, being faced with what it looks to be a very annoyed woman.

"Good morning, Harry." She says with an arch of her eyebrows and Harry steps aside so she can step in.

"Good morning, Lena. I'm so sorry it took me this long to greet you, we were giving Nina a bath." He lies easily with a big smile, kind enough to make her believe him.

"It's okay." She waves him off with a soft smile that gets bigger once she spots the plate of brownies on the dark brown wooden sideboard placed against the wall right in front of the door, under the first painting Kaitlyn had ever bought. "Brownies! Did you bake them? I love the ones from your bakery, I always --" She isn't able to finish what she was about to say once she grabs a brownie from the plate because Harry is quick enough to slap it from her hand, making it fly away and drop somewhere far behind her.

She's looking at him with wide eyes, gaping. He's staring back at her with a blank face because he's literally got no idea what he's about to say to ever explain what he's just done.

"I'm so sorry, I just didn't want you to get sick." He starts and places one hand on her shoulder. "I baked it yesterday but I think something was out of date and we were sick all night. I must've thrown up five times in half an hour."

"Oh," She breathes and blinks at him. "Thank you, then."

Harry isn't sure if she believes him this time, but he can't find it in him to care. That excuse was good enough so he forces himself not to feel guilty about it and smiles kindly at her, guiding her to the living room by her elbow. "I'll go get Louis and Nina to join us.", he says and doesn't wait for her to answer as he walks away.

"Oh my god." He breathes once he walks into the kitchen and stops next to Louis, who's looking at him with questioning eyes. "I just slapped a brownie from her hand." He whispers, eyes wide.

Louis giggles quietly as he takes Nina out of the high chair, placing her comfortably in his arms. "You did what?", he asks in between a soft chuckle, even though he heard Harry enough.

Harry frowns at him. "Let's just go before she decides that we're too crazy to take care of Nina, alright?", he huffs and Louis giggles once again, following him behind.

"Good morning, Louis." Lena greets him from her sitting position on the chair, smiling at him as he sits down next to Harry on the couch and puts Nina on the floor so she can entertain herself with her toys on the center-table. "I see she's walking!", she comments with a smile.

"Yeah. She's a fast little baby." Harry says, smiling softly.

"Well, I'm not gonna take much of your time. I just passed by to see how things are going."

"It's all fine." Louis nods, eyes bright matching the smile on his face. "Great, even." He looks at Harry, who blushes a little.

"Yeah, we're doing great." Harry agrees and looks away from him to Lena, who's narrowing her eyes at both of them. "I started the renovation on my bakery."

"You did? That's amazing, Harry." She says sincerely. "I hope that's not taking much of your Nina time, though."

"It isn't." He shakes his head as he says it. "My mate and employee Niall helps me a lot, so it's all good. And Louis here is also being a big help." He smiles and turns his head to look at Louis once again. "He's an Anne's Sweets partner now."

"That I am." Louis grins.

"Oh, how's that?" Lena asks, and she doesn't seem interested at all, and not because she doesn't really want to know about that, but because once both of them look back at her, Harry is sure that he sees it in her eyes that she knows what's that all about already.

He swallows dry before saying, "He's helping with the money."

"That's very nice of you, Louis." She smiles, but it seems tight. "You two are getting along well enough, then? I remember Kaitlyn and Eric's lawyer mentioning that you both weren't the best of friends."

"Oh, we're way past that." Louis tells her, making the mistake to place his arm on the couch backrest, consequently around Harry's shoulders. He doesn't even seem to notice it. "We dealt with our differences."

Harry turns to look at him, blinking, but can't help but smile once he finds Louis grinning at him already. "We did. We're great."

"Oh god." They turn their heads at the same time to look at Lena, who's got her hands over her face as she shakes her head in disbelief. She glares at them once she puts her hands back on her lap and sighs deeply. "You guys had sex, didn't you?"

"What?" They say at the same time and she sighs once again, louder this time.

"Why would you do that?" She huffs. "I told you that sex only complicates things! This -- your situation, this is complicated enough. This is delicate. Why would you mess it up with sex?"

Louis and Harry look at each other briefly before looking back at her. "It's not -- it won't change anything, we promise. We don't want to complicate anything even more. This was a one-time thing, it won't happen again.", Harry tells her and then he feels Louis' eyes burning him up.

"Oh, really now?" There's that tone of voice Harry hates -- full of irony and  _ice_.

Harry turns his head to glare at him and silently say _Not Fucking Helping_. Louis huffs annoyed and looks back at Lena. Harry does the same.

"Well, I hope so, really. And don't take me the wrong way -- I have no business in your sex life whatsoever, but this, between the two of you, wouldn't help anything. You guys have Nina to worry about, so just focus on that for now, please."

"Of course." Harry nods and Louis huffs once again. "Our main focus is on her, so don't worry about that."

Lena smiles. "And how's she? Besides the fact that she's now walking, do you have anything else to share?"

Harry thinks about telling her what Nina first said this morning and asking her if it's  _okay,_ but he decides against it because he hasn't told Louis about it and he doesn't know what his reaction will be. He himself doesn't still really know how to react to that.

"She's been eating better." He shrugs, looking at Louis from the corner of his eyes and finding him pouting with a frown like a huge baby.

"That's good to hear." Lena smiles and stands up from the chair. "Well, we'll be seeing each other again for sure, but that's it for today."

Louis takes Nina into his arms and they walk Lena to the door, saying a quick goodbye before Harry closes the door behind him and frowning deeply at Louis once he sets his eyes back on him.

"What was that all about?" He finally asks, crossing his arms over his chest, eyes boring deep into Louis'.

Louis puts Nina back on the floor so she can run back to her toys in the living room and looks at Harry, eyes dark. "What?", he asks because he's a jackass.

"Are you serious?" Harry laughs humorlessly as he shakes his head.

"What? You seemed serious about the one-time thing." Louis shrugs as if he doesn't give a single fuck about anything in the entire world and Harry huffs, annoyed out of his mind.

"I was saying what she wanted to hear, for fuck's sake."

"Were you, really?" Louis raises his brows, as if he's so suspicious about Harry's words, as if Harry never say anything but lies. "Seemed like you had the answer all ready."

"Why do you always have to be such an asshole?" Harry rolls his eyes. "Why would that be a one-time thing for me? I have a boyfriend that I quite like, Louis. I cheated on him with you. Why would I do that for a one-time thing?"

Louis huffs out a laugh and Harry frowns. "You quite like?", Louis repeats and Harry frowns deeper. "That's quite the feeling."

Harry stares blankly at him, disbelieving. "I'll go out with Nina and you'll have the time to think about how you're able to be a jerk to people who actually care about you and give you nothing but reasons to be fucking nice."

Harry walks away from him to the living room to take Nina into his arms and rushes upstairs so he can change both of them into clothes that are not pajamas.

Twenty minutes later, he's wearing black jeans and a white sweater, while Nina's wearing basically the same -- he's a goner for her in jeans, really.

He doesn't waste any time to walk out of the house, seeing Louis looking at them through the living room window as he belts Nina into her car seat and climbs himself onto his own seat, driving away without giving Louis another glance.


	15. You'll Free Me Deeper When You're All For It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know why it took me so long to write this chapter tbh i'm not very satisfied with what came out of it but i did my best i'm sorry....btw louis and harry are so cute aren't they???? wait til you guys read chapter 16

It's Tuesday morning when Harry sees Louis for the first time since their Social Worker's visit on Sunday, and he's never been this angry -- at least he thinks so. He's so angry he could explode.

It was half past three in the afternoon when Harry got back home with Nina and Louis was nowhere to be found. He wasn't home on Monday neither, and that led Harry to be home all day with Nina and not being able to go to work. Now it's Tuesday morning, not even seven yet, Nina still sound asleep, and Harry's just heard the front door being closed. 

He's quick to get up from his bed and even faster to go downstairs to find Louis in the kitchen with his elbows on the counter supporting his upper body as he rests his head on his hands. Harry doesn't make a sound, but Louis seems to sense him somehow and raises his head to look at him, his eyes tired and dull; his hair is a mess and his lips look dry.

"Hi," Louis is the first to speak, his voice weak enough to tell Harry he's in no mood to talk. He's not taking that in any way.

"Where have you been?" He demands right away and his throat burns because suddenly he wants to cry and yell at Louis, who just shrugs in response as if that is enough. "Where the hell have you been, Louis?"

"I just --" Louis sighs and sits down on one of the stools, running his hands over his face. "I was staying at my mate's, Harry." He admits and Harry breathes, not realizing he was holding his breath in the first place and scared of what he was about to get as an answer. "I was being a jackass to you and I gave you some space from me and all my bullshit, I guess. I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I guess that made things worse."

"It did." Harry says and Louis looks at him apologetically, his eyes suddenly soft. 

"I'm sorry." Louis gets off of the stool and steps closer to Harry, his bare toes touching Harry's. "I really am." He reaches Harry's pinky fingers with his own and looks down at their feet before locking their eyes together once again. "It's just that you make me feel  _things_ , Harry." He admits softly and Harry's heart beat so fast against his chest that he's afraid it'll stop out of sudden. "And I'm not used to it, I'm really not. So when you said it was all a one-time thing I didn't know how to deal with that, to be honest. I didn't know how to deal with that because I've never had to deal with how I felt when you said that, because I never did feel something like that before."

It's silent for a few seconds before Louis leans in and places a soft kiss to Harry's lips. Harry doesn't step away, he closes his eyes instead and laces their fingers together. "You're a sap.", Harry blows against Louis' lips and smiles softly when Louis squeezes their hands tight together and pull him in even closer.

"I'm sorry." Louis whispers yet once again and Harry nods, pecking his lips. "I'm all in, Harry. I've been all in for quite a while now."

Harry's heart does this thing that makes him gasp, feeling like suddenly he doesn't even remember how to breathe. "I am, too.", he pecks Louis' lips again and again. "I am."

Louis' smile is contagious and before they can even do anything about it, they're laughing.

 

***

 

It's three days later that Harry finally decides he  _really_ has to talk to Jordan about everything that happened over the weekend. He was supposed to do it on Monday, after waking up in Louis' arms once again, but then there was a lot of morning kisses and then work and then coming back home to more and more kisses and there just was no time. He promised himself he would do it on Tuesday, but it was his day to be with Nina and he wanted to take her out to do something fun and there was no time left once again. Now, as he stands in front of Jordan's house's front door, he realizes he could've been less of a jerk and at least answered his texts.

It isn't like him to act this way, really -- to shut someone out like this with no explanation at all. The thing is that his mind has been wrapped around Louis for the whole past few days, and it's never been like this. The truth is that he didn't even think of Jordan until Louis mentioned him --  _what about Jordan?_ , he asked on Sunday night after putting Nina to sleep, both of them wrapped in each other's arms in bed,  _did you talk to him yet?,_ he pecked Harry's lips softly as in to make sure it was just a genuine question and not a way to pick up a fight. _I didn't, no,_ he answered with a sigh,  _isn't it too soon?_ , he questioned and Louis raised his brows at that, confused,  _how's it too soon? I thought we were all in?,_ Louis said and Harry shook his head while repeating that they were all in, he was all in, _he is_. He repeated that three times in between soft kisses and promised he would talk to Jordan on Monday. 

He's here, now, on a cloudy Wednesday, sweaty hands in his pockets.

"Harry?" He snaps his eyes up from the floor to meet Jordan's surprised ones. "Come on in." Jordan says immediately and it makes Harry feel even guiltier. 

He's led to the wide kitchen of the house, where Jordan offers him something to drink but he politely refuses, and then it's silent for a very long moment as Harry awkwardly sits on one of the stools around the counter similar to his house and Jordan sits on another next to him, patiently waiting for Harry to say something.

"I'm sorry." He blurts out once he's done with how awkward he feels and rips the band-aid out once and for all. Jordan looks at with confused eyes and Harry gets it, he really does, because he's not even sure what he's apologizing for -- disappearing on him or cheating on him? Both, that's for sure. "For not answering your calls or texts." He goes with the easier one first. Jordan keeps looking at him, though, with eyes that tells him to just go on and tell him everything. Harry would even say Jordan already knows why he came here if there was no way he could know. "I got held up by something that I couldn't really avoid, to be honest."

And it's true, probably the truest thing Harry's ever said -- the thing is that Harry couldn't really avoid what's happened between him and Louis, and even if he could, he's not sure he would've. It's bigger than anything he's ever felt and he couldn't have stopped it from happening even if he tried. Even if he wanted it to not happen. 

"It's Louis, isn't it?" Jordan asks quietly and Harry looks at him surprised, eyes wide. That's the reaction Jordan needed to answer his question, it seems, since he sighs deeply and gives him a saddened and weak smile. "I guess I saw it coming, really." He admits and Harry swallows dry, his throat burning with guilt. "I always figured there was something between the two of you. I guess I should've just -- I mean, I should've kept my distance once I realized that."

"Jordan, I'm so sorry." Harry reaches out for Jordan's hands on the counter and wraps them with his own. "Please, know that what we had was real. I promise you that." 

"I know." Jordan nods and looks up from their hands to Harry's eyes, giving him that weak smile once again. "I know that, Harry, but I understand that it wasn't real enough to beat what you feel for Louis." Harry feels like crying because it's  _true_ , right? That's it, nothing will probably be real enough to beat his growing feelings for Louis and it's crazy. Harry is  _crazy_. "It was real for me too, I hope you know that. It  _is_ real for me." Jordan's smile is a little bit brighter this time, and he squeezes Harry's hands as he speaks. "I'll be here."

"Jordan..." Harry breathes in between a weak chuckle because  _no_ , Jordan can't just say that. It's not right for him to say he'll  _be_ _there_ , as if implying he'll wait up for him. It's not right and it's not fair. Harry's done something wrong and hurtful and Jordan can't just say he'll  _wait_. "Don't say that."

"I mean it." Jordan chuckles, blinking at him. "It's okay, Harry."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, please. I won't hold a grudge against you, I promise. It hurts, yeah, only because I like you so much, but I'm okay. I truly am. And if this is what you want," Jordan shrugs, squeezing Harry's hands once again. "If being with him is what you want, then I understand. I wouldn't try stopping you from getting what makes you happy. I'd never do that."

Harry feels his eyes watering and he kind of hates Jordan for being so comprehensive and good. This is who Harry should be with, isn't it? This is what should make him happy -- that mind, right there, understanding; those kind eyes and soft smile. He should be falling in love with that.

"You should go," Jordan speaks once he realizes Harry isn't saying anything else. "And don't you dare apologize again, really. I don't hate you or anything even similar that you might think of, okay?"

"Okay." Harry whispers and Jordan leads him to the front door.

"I guess I'll see you around." He says, smiling sweetly at Harry, who does not deserve it. "Since I'm Nina's doctor and all." He chuckles softly.

"Yeah," Harry smiles just as weak as he feels guilty. "I'll see you around."

Harry drives to the bakery with watery eyes, sniffling the whole way as he listens to the radio and feels so bad yet so good. At the same time he feels so guilty he might choke, he also feels excited and bright. 

It probably has something to do with blue eyes and soft cheeks.

 

***

 

"And he was just that understanding?" It's what Niall asks after Harry's done telling him everything, both of them hanging at the front of the bakery, the flow of costumer laying out as the sun goes down. 

"Yeah." Harry nods while fixing himself a cup of coffee. "It made me feel even worse, to be honest."

"I bet it did." Niall says and Harry raises his brows at him, questioning. "I mean, you  _did_ cheat on him after all."

"Thanks, Niall, that helps a lot." Harry rolls his eyes and takes a sip of his coffee, burning his tongue a little bit in the process. "You were the one bugging me with all that date talk and everything."

"I didn't know you were gonna sleep with him right away!" Niall exclaims in defense, narrowing his eyes at Harry. "If you weren't in love with him I'd say you're a terrible person."

"What?!" Harry gasps, almost dropping the damn cup on the floor. "I'm not in love with him!"

"Yeah, sure. If that's what helps you sleep at night, then okay." 

"Niall, you don't know what the hell you're --" 

There's a bell ding indicating there's someone coming through the door that interrupts Harry from talking any further, and his heart beats a hundred times faster once he sees who's stepping into the bakery. 

"Louis, mate, good to see you." Niall greets him first and then smiles wider at the sight of Nina in Louis' arms. "Hello there, sweet little girl. Come to me, the best uncle you'll ever have." He offers his arms at her once Louis close enough to them and she goes willingly, giggling as Niall takes her into his arms and walks away into the kitchen saying silly things to her.

"Hi." Louis says and walks around the counter full of sweets to stop in front of Harry, smiling up at him. "I missed you."

Harry chuckles lightly and shakes his head, placing his cup on the counter. "Sap.", he whispers before Louis places a soft kiss to his lips and then it's new years all over again. Fireworks and buzz. "I missed you, too. Just a little bit, though."

"Yeah, right." Louis places his hands on Harry's hips and pecks his lips one more time before smiling so wide Harry can't help himself but mimic him. "I have a proposition." Harry raises a brow, curious as to why Louis sounds and looks so bright and excited and kind of jumpy. "A weekend away."

"What?" Harry snorts a laugh and Louis blinks at him, wide smile still wearing his face. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah, Harry, really. A weekend away."

"Where, though? It has to be a place safe for kids because Nina has never been a --"

"Harry." Louis interrupts him and pecks his lips again. Harry sighs, smiling. "When I said a weekend away, I meant just you and me." 

Harry widens his eyes, then. "What? Without Nina?", he gasps as if that's the most ridiculous thing to ever come out of Louis' mouth. "No!"

"Would you hear me out, for fuck's sake?" Louis rolls his eyes and he's  _still smiling_. "My mom's in town for the week, she's arriving later tonight." Harry narrows his eyes at him -- he knows where this is going. "She said she's been missing me too much and decided to come to spend the whole week and all that. Fizz and Lottie are coming too, the little ones are gonna stay back with Dan."

"I know where this is going." Harry sighs and can't help but smile.

"I asked her if she'd take care of Nina this weekend and she said it'd be her pleasure as long as it means I've finally manned up and asked you out." 

Harry barks a loud laugh and can't stop until he's out of breath. Louis is squeezing his hips as he smiles at him, amused. "What did you tell her?", Harry asks once he's calmed down but still chuckling in between his words.

"I told her you're the best kisser ever." Louis tells him playfully and Harry smiles wide. "A weekend away, please?"

"Where?" Harry pulls him in closer by the collar of his shirt and Louis grins.

"It's a surprise."

"Ugh. Boring."

"Hey!" Louis pinches his hips and Harry squirms, giggling. "I'll have you know that I'm very good at surprises, alright? Just...please?"

"Yeah, fine, whatever. If you insist." 

Louis narrows his eyes at him and laughs, pecking his lips one, two, three, four times. Harry's smile is so wide by the end of it that his cheeks hurt. "It'll be the best fucking weekend of your life."

"Okay. No weed brownies, though, please."

Louis laughs loudly and bites Harry's lips before finally kissing him properly and making Harry's heart melt into his chest.


	16. You Give Me This Feeling, This Everglow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, everyone!!! I'm so sorry it took me basically three weeks to update, it's just that I've been busy with work (finally I've got a job!!!) and then there was xtimas and all that...which, by the way, merry christmas to you all!!! thank you so much for taking your time to reading what I'm writing, it means a lot to me!!! I promise I will stick to updating every week, alright? also, I'm sorry if this chapter sucks :( anyways, happy new year!!! all the love to you lovelies!!! xxx

"You know Nina's gonna be fine, right?" Louis' voice gets Harry out of his trance as he blinks quickly and turns his head to look at him.

It's been five minutes since they got into the Seattle/Bainbridge Island ferry and Harry's been biting his nails ever since, eyes fixed on the water as both of them rest against the ferry's parapet.

The thing is that Harry is pretty nervous — he still doesn't know where Louis is taking him, and the fact that they're on the Bainbridge Island ferry doesn't give him any clue since it could take them to a bunch of different places (he at least knows they're going camping, giving that he's seen Louis pack his huge tent and everything that's needed for a camping trip — he's taken note to keep an eye on the signs as soon as they get on the road again and it eases him up a little bit). He's also feeling a bit anxious about leaving Nina behind to spend the whole weekend away from her, and he knows it's only two days and Louis' mom will take great care of her, but  _still_. He worries and he misses her already.

"Yeah, I know." Sighing deeply, he looks away from Louis to watch the Great Wheel getting smaller and smaller as further away they go. "Is it weird that I miss her already?" He chuckles and looks back at Louis, who's looking at him with soft eyes and hair just as wild as his own as the cold wind hits them.

"It's not weird at all." Louis reaches for one of his hands placed on the parapet. "I miss her already, too."

Harry smiles softly at him, looking down at their laced hands together for a brief moment before staring deep into Louis' blues. "She's called me  _dada_."

Louis raises his brows in a surprised expression that melts into a soft grin that reaches his eyes. Harry's heart beats faster at the sight. "She did?", he squeezes Harry's hand.

"Yeah." Harry chuckles lightly, nodding. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."

"Why are you apologizing?" Louis frowns but doesn't let the smile on his face go away.

"I mean, it's been a few days since she's done it and I just mentioned it to you." Harry shrugs, feeling guilty.

"Harry," Louis whispers with bright eyes before leaning in and placing the softest of kisses on his lips. Harry breathes, a smile spreading on his face. "There's nothing to apologize for. I'm happy that she's called you that."

"You are?" Harry blows against Louis' lips and opens his eyes when Louis pulls away.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Louis tells him, bringing Harry's hand to his lips and kissing it lightly. "You  _are_  her  _dada_ , Harry. You know that, right?"

"I do." He blinks, pressing his lips tight together before breathing deeply. "It just makes me feel guilty. It makes me feel like I'm betraying Eric and Kaitlyn."

Louis blinks at him as he sighs deeply, stepping even closer to Harry's space, their shoed toes touching and Louis' hands resting against Harry's hips, squeezing it tight in reassurance.

"They're gone, Harry." He states in a low and heavy tone of voice. Harry takes a sharp deep breath. "It hurts to say it and I miss them so much, but it's the truth. They trusted us to be for Nina who they can't be now."

"Okay." Harry whispers, his hands tight around Louis' biceps.

"We're her parents, Harry.  _You're_  her parent."

"You are, too." Harry smiles weakly and Louis smiles back at him. "If I'm her  _dada_ , that makes you her  _papa_ , probably."

Louis huffs a laugh and pulls him in for a tight hug. "What if I'm your daddy?", he whispers in Harry's ear.

Harry gasps and pushes him away lightly, slapping him across the shoulder. "Rude!"

"Is that a yes?" Louis is laughing as he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and Harry narrows his eyes at him, hiding away the sudden arousal he feels.

"No!" He slaps him again and Louis laughs out loud, grabbing him by the hips once again and pulling him in for a quick and hot kiss. "There are families around, for fuck's sake, Louis." He breathes when they pull apart.

"How about we go back to the car and make out until the ferry finally stops? We've got twenty minutes."

Harry laughs and pecks his lips one last time before wriggling away from Louis' hold and resting back against the parapet. "You wish," He tells him, eyes back on the water, only this time he feels a lot better and lighter.

Louis steps behind him and places his chin on Harry's shoulder, his cheek warm against Harry's jaw. "I wish everything with you.", he whispers and Harry's pretty much sure he's never felt his heart beat so wildly fast like this before.

***

They've been on I-5 for one hour now and Louis has only made one stop so far at a weed store to buy them one cookie for each of them and it made Harry laugh so hard he's still quite recovering from it, making fun from time to time of how Louis wishes he still was a seventeen-year-old.

It's not up until Harry sees  _Forks_  on one of the signs they pass by that he turns his head to look at Louis with narrowed eyes. "You're taking me to  _Forks_?!" He asks loudly, startling Louis behind the wheel.

Louis looks at him briefly, an amused yet wicked smile on his face. "Am I?"

"I can't believe you're taking me to Forks."

"Well, Harry, I know about your dirty secret." Louis fucking  _giggles,_ glancing at Harry to see his reaction.

"Dirty se — what are you  _talking_  about?" Harry huffs a laugh, eyes fixed on Louis' sharp but delicate profile.

"You're a Twilight fan!" And then Louis blurts out laughing.

Harry stares at him blankly. "Well, that's a shitty assumption, Louis."

"Assumption?" Louis can't stop laughing, his head leaning back against the headrest, eyes fixed on the road. "You think I didn't see you crying your eyes out a couple nights ago when you were watching it on some channel on the TV?"

Harry glares at him and tries his hardest not to laugh along with Louis' contagious giggles. "I wasn't crying!"

Louis looks at him with an unimpressed expression before Harry raises his brows at him challengingly, and then gets his eyes back on the road. "You were literally mouthing the words along with those two stupid lovebirds. Clearly, you were having a moment, so I just let you be."

"They're not stupid!" Harry argues and then Louis is laughing even louder, finally making Harry break and join him with soft chuckles. "You know what, Louis, they're in love and don't deserve to go through so much shit. Give them a break already."

"She's stupid enough to fall in love with a vampire that wants to suck her dry ninety-nine percent of the time."

"Well, how easy would it be if we could choose who to fall in love with." Harry looks at him amusedly but then it's quiet.

It's dead silent besides the world outside the car and Harry kind of regrets his words. He didn't mean anything by it besides how he thinks Bella Swan's life would've been easier if she could've chosen who she would fall in love with, but somehow, as soon as his words were out, it felt like it meant  _everything_  all at once.

"It would've been easier for her, for sure." Louis says after a few long seconds of dragging silence, voice light as if trying to break the sudden awkwardness. "It would've still been bad, since she would've chosen to fall in love with that boring wolf anyways."

"He's not boring." Harry huffs. "He's hot."

Louis barks a loud laugh and then they're fine. 

***

It's a few hours later that they find themselves all set on the Second Beach in La Push, after touring around Forks, which Harry's disappointed at, really. He knew it was a small town, but he didn't know it was  _that_  small, with nothing to do at all and also totally different from the movie. The disappointment on his face as they stopped at the popular spots made Louis laugh so hard he choked every time.

With their tent and everything else needed packed in two big backpacks, they hiked down to the beach and now they find themselves sitting close to each other on their camping chairs, watching the sun go down in the deep horizon.

Harry's cozy and warm with a blanket around his shoulders and he knows Louis isn't even looking at the great view in front of them anymore, since he can practically feel his eyes on him. He can't help but smile lightly and knowingly.

"How stupid of you to bring us on one of the coldest places of Washington." He speaks up and finally turns his head to look at Louis and find him smiling softly at him already. "May's just started."

"I think it was a great idea, actually." Louis says, shrugging. "Your reaction to that terrible town was priceless."

"You could've waited until Summer to crash down my illusion of Forks being a fairytale town. It's a good thing it's sunny enough." Harry rolls his eyes dramatically and Louis laughs, reaching his hand out to hold Harry's. "This beach is so beautiful, though."

"It's La Push, baby."

Harry raises his brows at Louis, blinking, and then ends up laughing so hard his eyes are watering. "You just fucking quoted Twilight."

"I did?" Louis frowns in confusion, but Harry knows he's faking it.

"Yeah, play dumb, now." Harry snorts. "Act like you've never enjoyed watching that movie."

Louis chuckles as he stands up from his chair. "I haven't,", he says and offers one of his hands for Harry to hold as he steps in front of him with a big smile. "But I'm enjoying this, now."

"Are you asking me to dance?" Harry blinks up at him, grinning. "If I reckon, last time you did it we were at a wedding."

"I'm happy to hear you still remember the best dance of your life, but no, I'm not asking you to dance." Louis tells him seriously and Harry raises his brows questioningly, smile still plastered on his face. "I'm asking you to come to the sea with me."

"No fucking way." He refuses immediately, wrapping the blanket tighter around him.

"I'm not asking you to swim, Harry, I'm not that crazy." Louis huffs out a laugh, his hand still there for Harry to hold. "Let's just get our feet on the water. At least you'll get to tell people you've touched the same water as that stupid Twilight wolf."

Harry glares at him, but after a deep dramatic sigh, he grabs Louis' hand and stands up from his own chair.

"Holy fuck, this is cold!" Louis shouts when they get their feet on water after running like two giggling children, messily getting sand all over their legs. 

Harry is sure he has never laughed so hard like this very moment, his eyes are as bright as ever as he watches Louis runs out of the water, dragging him along back to the safe sand. "I don't know why I ever listen to you,", Harry elbows Louis on the ribs playfully, and Louis makes a drama show of groaning from a non-existent pain. "I can't even feel my feet right now. For real."

"Jump like this," Louis starts jumping quickly then, shaking his hands in front of him.

Harry blinks at him. "What are you doing?", he asks while trying not to laugh again.

"Trying to get my feet back to life."

"You're the weirdest person I have ever met in my entire life." Harry sighs and starts walking away from the jumping man. He's laughing once again, of course.

"Hey!" He hears Louis calls behind him as he follows his steps. "I'll let you know that this is one of the keys to survival."

Harry laughs even louder, still walking as he looks over his shoulder to see Louis catching up to him with a soft and bright smile. He gets a feeling then -- he doesn't want this moment to ever end, really. He's the happiest he's been for a little while now, and he's shining. He can feel his whole being lightning up like a Christmas tree as he watches Louis walk to him and smiling a smile he only ever saves for Nina and him, and this feeling...this glowing, it's something else entirely. He's pretty sure he knows the definition of this, but he doesn't dare to name it. Not yet, at least. He can't do that to himself, because even though he could burst with how much he's feeling, he's still scared. He doesn't want to name it because he feels as if as soon as he does it, he'll lose all of this, and he can't risk it -- he feels way too much to risk it.  


***

It's late at night when they finally find themselves inside their tent after eating the cookies Louis bought. They're facing each other with red-rimmed eyes and big smiles on their faces -- they ended up sharing the same sleeping-bag, even though they each have one. Louis' excuse for them to share it was that it's way too cold for them to be sleeping apart and Harry agreed, of course, adding that they've been sleeping together every other night anyway. They both laughed loudly until they quieted down, tucked in the warmth of the sleeping-bag and each other's bodies.

It's been a few minutes since they've been like this, and Harry doesn't even care if they stay in this same position until the world ends.

As he's looking at Louis, though, his stoned mind takes him to places he shouldn't really be going. He feels his chest tighten and he's suddenly angry, because that damn cookie should be making him feel even happier than he already was, but then there's this feeling boiling up his veins and making him think of things he wasn't really ready to think about.

"How many people have you slept with?" He asks out of sudden, his voice sounding way louder than he expected it to be. He's not smiling any longer and he notices Louis frowning at him, even though it's pretty dark -- he can  _feel_ Louis' expression changing.

"Where is this coming from?" Louis questions in between a nervous chuckle and it makes Harry even angrier.

"It's just a question."

"I just don't understand why you're asking this specific question." Louis says and Harry can tell he's getting annoyed by the subject already. He doesn't care, though. "You know it's a lot, so why are you even asking?"

"Why shouldn't I be asking? It's a simple question with a simple number." Harry states and sits up, grabbing his phone from a spot next to him and turning the flashlight mode on.

He can fully see Louis' face now, and he's frowning deep up at him with confused eyes.

"I don't wanna answer it." Louis rolls his eyes, but he doesn't look as annoyed as he sounds. There's a touch of hurt, it seems, on his face, and Harry's chest tighten even more. He's still angry, though, so he's not really thinking rationally. "I don't even wanna talk about this."

"I've slept with five people, total. You're included." Harry gives him with the hope that he'll give him a number back.

"I don't wanna know about this, Harry." Louis sits up as well then, face to face with Harry once again. "Don't you see? It doesn't matter."

"Are you sleeping with anyone else besides me?" Harry asks because he  _has to_ , not listening to what Louis is trying to tell him.

Louis huffs out a humorless laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. "Are you for real?", he asks quietly.

Harry frowns at him. "What do you think? If I'm asking, it's because I am, Louis!"

"Harry, shush," Louis widens his eyes at him, surprised by his outburst.

"Don't fucking shush me, alright?"

"I don't know what's gotten into you."

"How can you not understand?" Harry narrows his eyes at him, squeezing his phone tight in his hand. "How many people have you taken to our house ever since we started taking care of Nina? How can you seriously not understand where I'm coming from?"

Louis stares at him blankly for a moment before sighing deeply and nodding his head as if he gets it. "I know, Harry.", he whispers and his eyes are now soft, kind of sad. It makes Harry's throat close with a lump. "I just thought that you knew me better than this now. How can you think I'm sleeping with anyone else but you right now? Why would I waste my time with someone who's not  _you_?"

Harry's eyes are wide as he watches Louis grab his free hand and squeeze it tight, his words digging deep into his chest and finding a warm place to live in his fast beating heart. He feels dizzy out of sudden, and he wants to cry.

He  _knows_  Louis now, he does, but his insecurities get the worst of him from time to time, and stoned the wrong way like this, it gets even worse. But he  _knows_  Louis, he believes his words and it makes him so silly. Even though, still Louis has been with so many people before him, he can't help but wonder why he'd leave that life behind for  _him_.

Once again, he can't let himself name this feeling.

"I'm sorry." Harry breathes and squeezes Louis' hand back. "I can be really stupid sometimes."

"Not stupid." Louis grabs Harry's phone from his hand and turns the flashlight mode off to put it aside. "I understand why you'd feel like this."

"I shouldn't just throw it on your face, though."

Louis chuckles quietly and presses their foreheads together, rubbing his nose against Harry's softly. "It's okay.", he whispers and Harry feels his warm breath against his lips. "Let's just forget about it, please?"

"Yeah," Harry nods with a whisper, and then Louis' soft lips are pressed against his, kissing him like he's got all the time in the world. "I'm really sorry, though, Lou." He says again when Louis pulls away for a moment.

Even though it's dark, Harry can tell Louis is looking at him intensely. "Harry,", he starts with a soft and quiet voice, his hands wrapping around Harry's neck. "There's no one else. There won't be anyone else. There hasn't been anyone else for a while now."

Harry smiles as his heart skips a beat and presses his lips against Louis' once again. "Yeah?", he says, lips against lips.

"Yeah. It's been only you before there was even an us."

Harry stops breathing for a moment, and then he steals Louis' lips for himself to kiss for as long as he pleases. And now there are hands everywhere, touching, exploring, knowing better, feeling; there are lips against lips and neck; there are clothes all around the tent and sweaty naked bodies, even though it's so damn cold outside.

There are late night promises as Louis thrusts into Harry slowly with delicate words and soft hands grabbing hair.

And  _this is it_ , Harry thinks as Louis whispers everything he wants to hear against his ear. This is what he wants —  _who_  he wants — tonight, tomorrow, and the day after that.

Still, he won't dare to name this feeling.


	17. You're The Heat In My Bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, hi!!!
> 
> so, this is a short update, huh? I'm sorry if I suck at writing hot scenes...and also, this isn't an explicit fanfic, so you guys understand why I have my limits, right?
> 
> anyways, they start with their cute selves on a conversation about Grey's Anatomy and finish with also their cute selves being cute and hot in their bed.
> 
> thanks for reading!!!!! xxxx

It's eight days after the weekend trip to Forks and Harry is buzzing — he could even say he's never felt this fulfilled before, but he tries not think much about it so he won't jinx any good thing happening in his life right now. He lets himself be happy about it, though, and from time to time his cheeks even hurt from how much he's been smiling.

Everything feels domestic, like he belongs right in this place where he finds himself currently — around and with Louis and Nina, smiling every time both of them so much look at him and his heart beating faster every time Louis kisses him softly, like it's something he's been doing way longer than a few weeks and Harry is  _buzzing_.

He tries and stops himself from time to time to think about how early it still is for them both to be acting like an old married couple already, and how early it also is for him to be feeling like this — a little voice at the back of his head coming from the very deep bottom of his heart tells him that it isn't early at all for him to be feeling quite this way and that he's been feeling this for a while, and just now has come to realize it. Harry doesn't listen to it, though. At least he pretends not to because it's  _easier_.

He tries to slow down because it's healthier — because he wants to protect himself in case anything unwanted were to happen. And he knows it's bad luck to even think this way, but he can't really help himself not to. He has to protect not only himself, but also Nina, and jumping head first into this without thinking about it twice isn't the way.

Still, he's buzzing.

He's buzzing because he also can't help but feel warm every time Louis ever so much smiles at him with his soft crinkled eyes or whispers silly words to him at night right before they drift off to sleep, cuddling each other tight the whole night.

And  _maybe this is it_ , he thinks on a lazy Monday night as he watches Louis trying to cook something rather than Mac and Cheese from his sitting spot on the high stool behind the counter,  _this is what I was looking for in Jordan, and it's been right here all along._ And even though it scares him to death thinking like this, he's still got a soft smile plastered on his face while listening to Louis talk about something that isn't even that relevant at all.

"But I'm pretty sure Derek deserved to die anyway," Louis is still on about how Derek Shepherd's death was the best thing to ever happen to Meredith Grey, and it's times like this that Harry regrets ever introducing the TV Show to him in the first place. "Not that anyone ever deserves to die, I'm not this morbid. Jesus." He looks over his shoulder briefly to meet eyes with Harry, who raises his brows at him questioningly, smiling amusedly. He goes back to the heating pan, smiling himself. "It's just that he was a dick. Meredith is better off without him, it's what I'm saying."

"She loves him, though." Harry states and Louis hums as if asking for more and better arguments. Harry chuckles lightly before continuing. "She loves him and they have kids who love him too. They complete each other."

"Not really, Harry." Louis turns around for a moment, pointing the cooking spoon in his hand at him. "The only way they completed each other were completing each other's worsts, really."

Harry blinks at him, face blank. Why are they talking about this, anyway?

"Why are we discussing Meredith and Derek's love life, again?" He voices his thoughts and Louis laughs as he turns back around to the stove. "We should be talking about how you're cooking something that's not Mac and Cheese."

"It's still pasta, though." Louis reminds him after huffing a quiet laugh.

"As long as it isn't a box of Annie's."

"It isn't!" Louis glares at him briefly before quieting down to focus on his task.

"It smells good, though." Harry gives him, at least, and it's the truth.

The smell of heated butter with fried onions and sweet tomato sauce reaches his nostrils, making his stomach growl to remind him that he hasn't eaten anything since he's put Nina down for the night four hours ago, and thinking of that also reminds him how surprised he still is that she isn't waking up every two hours during the night. Thank goodness for phases being only phases.

"Did Jane talk to you about the neighborhood party on Saturday? She came by earlier today and you were still at work." Louis asks Harry when they are both sat comfortably across each other on the dining table, ready to taste Louis' food. "She wasn't all that interested in talking about it with  _me_ , so I guess that makes you the boss of the house or whatever." He shrugs and Harry chuckles quietly, chewing the first bite of the pasta and beef.

"This is really good, Lou." Harry compliments truthfully and Louis smiles from ear to ear. "I guess living with me made the inner cook in you come to life, after all."

Louis rolls his eyes playfully before blinking at him, "Shut the fuck up and answer me already.", he says and Harry chuckles once again, a bit louder this time.

He's always laughing when it comes to Louis.

"She texted to me about it and made it clear that she wants me to bring a bunch of casseroles because that's what I do best." Harry tells him with a serious expression and Louis bursts out laughing, nearly choking on his wine. "Her words, really."

"You do make good casserole, Harry. She has a point."

"And that's all I'm good for." Harry raises one of his brows challengingly and Louis' eyes darken instantly, getting Harry's challenge alright.

Suddenly food is forgotten and it's a shame, really, because Louis did put great effort on it. But first things first, what is important  _is_ important after all. 

"I could name some other things that you're extremely good for. Good  _at_." Louis drags his forgotten plate to the side and places his arms and elbows on the table, leaning in closer to Harry across the table.

"Oh, really?" Harry lets a smug smile creep at the corner of his mouth, also dragging his plate to the side and leaning into Louis' direction. "Do tell."

"Well, your mouth, for example." Louis states easily and Harry feels his cheeks and neck getting warmer, their eyes locked onto one another. "The things you make me feel with your mouth, Harry." He narrows his darkened eyes at Harry, whose heart is beating so fast now that he's afraid Louis will hear it from across the table. "Be it when you're using it for  _actions_ or words. You make me mad with those lips of yours."

Harry swallows dry and he doesn't even know what to say, and the truth is that he  _never_ knows what say when Louis gets like this — all keen with words that make him flush and hot from head to toe and that leave him speechless. Louis  _knows_ that when he starts throwing these words of fire at him, Harry feels like he could burst into flames. He doesn't care that Harry is always left with a mouth hanging open as he gasps for air and searches for words to say as long as he knows Harry is  _hot_.

Before Harry has even time to process what is happening, Louis is standing up from his chair and grabbing Harry by the hand to pull him towards the stairs, not letting go of him until they are both inside their room — because that's how they call it now,  _their_ bedroom, since they never sleep apart anymore — and the door is closed.

"Take your clothes off, please." Louis asks but with the voice he uses, it sounds more like a demand, and Harry doesn't even care. He takes his clothes off and in a blink of an eye, he is standing in front of Louis with nothing but his underpants. 

Louis places his hands softly on Harry's hips and walks them to the bed, the back of Harry's knees touching the mattress as Louis lays him down gently, crawling on top of him next. "I wanna try something else, tonight.", he whispers in Harry's ear before hooking his face on the crook of Harry's neck and shoulder, sucking both lightly.

"Yeah, okay. Yeah." Harry agrees without the need to even know what it is that Louis wants to try because, at this stake, Harry would agree to anything Louis ask him, and they haven't even kissed yet.

Louis is still fully clothed, but the way he's rocking his hips back and forward against Harry's own is making the only naked one in this bed  _mad_. Harry's hands are squeezing Louis' waist underneath his black shirt and his short breaths would be proof enough for Louis to know how gone for this moment Harry already is if it wasn't for how hard he is under him. Louis knows that too, and the smirk on his face when he raises his head to look down at Harry with those wild blue eyes makes clear how pleased he is with it. 

"I've never done it before," Louis speaks up once again, suddenly, and Harry blinks up at him confusedly. "The thing I wanna try," He explains and Harry nods in understanding, licking his lips in desire. He's sure his eyes are on fire, right now. "I haven't done it."

"What is it?" Harry asks, his voice dark with lust. "Anything you want to." He adds because it's true.

Louis licks his lips slowly before leaning down to place them hard against Harry's, and then they're finally,  _finally_ , kissing. Harry lets out a moan of relief instantly, his hands mapping out Louis back as he opens his mouth to let their tongues meet and battle each other, licking and sucking as if they haven't done it for ages. 

It doesn't take long for Louis to be only in his underpants as well, and then there's that feeling Harry doesn't quite want to name it as Louis pulls away from the kiss with a loud smack of lips parting and stares down at him with wonder and desire. His heart is beating like crazy and he can feel the strong beats going straight to his part where he needs attention the most. Louis has his hands placed on Harry's bare chest and Harry is sure Louis can literally  _feel_ how out of breath and mad he is by the way his heart is beating against his chest.

"I want you in," Is what Louis says first, after leaning down once again and pecking Harry's lips only to pull away a second later and press their foreheads together. "Want you to take me." He whispers like it's a secret and Harry  _can't breathe_. "Want you to fuck me."

And this is a  _first_. They truly haven't tried that before and Harry's always thought Louis wasn't really into it, and since  _he_ is, he's never cared. Until now, of course, when Louis is staring at him with dark and lustful eyes, asking for the one thing he would never deny him.

"You do?" He gasps, dragging his hands down on Louis' back until he reaches his ass and squeezes it hard.

"Yeah," Louis breathes and kisses him hard and quick. "Yeah, please."

"How come you've never done it before?" Harry asks out of curiosity, not teasing in any way. Just because he truly wants to know. "Why now?" He whispers, then, eyes wide and needy.

"Never really thought about it, to be honest," Louis explains, his hands softly running through Harry's chest until they reach his jaw, cupping it gently. "I mean, it crossed my mind a couple of times. Now, though," He chuckles, pecking Harry's lips once again. "I think about it every time I so much as look at you." He confesses and Harry is seeing stars.

"Okay." Is the only thing that Harry is capable of saying before flipping them over and attacking Louis' lips with the wildest of all kisses. "I'll do whatever you want me to do." He whispers hotly, lips against lips.

"Then be a good boy and do what I please," Louis demands playfully, but his voice is heavy on need and want. " _Fuck me_." His whisper is so quiet that if Harry wasn't so extremely close, he wouldn't have listened to it.

So Harry does as he's told and what Louis pleases — with a crazy beating heart and mind full of  _Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis_. And it's nothing new and different from any other day, really. 

The difference is that by the time they're cuddling each other tightly as if there is no space enough for both of them in the bed, they're sweaty, tired and disheveled.


	18. If You Ask Me I Will Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you know what it's coming.
> 
> (guys, just two more chapters and then we're done! I can't believe this, really!!! thank you for reading!!!)

It's way too early for someone to be ringing the bell on a Saturday morning, but Harry knows very well who it is, and if he doesn't go down to open the door in the next two minutes, Niall will start to get  _loud_ and that's something Harry doesn't want right now.

He drags the blanket from his body to the side and stands up from the bed as quietly as he can so he won't wake up Louis, who's softly sound asleep on his side of the bed. Harry smiles down at him for a brief moment before finding his shirt on the floor and wearing it, being quick to walk downstairs and open the door for his friend.

"It's Harry's Casserole Day!" It's the way Niall greets him, stepping inside with a bunch of grocery bags in hands, finding his way into the kitchen.

Harry stands on his spot for a moment, blinking, before closing the door with a deep sigh and following Niall into the house.

"Good morning for you too, Niall." He mumbles as he sits on the high stool closest to Niall, who's clearly making himself home as he empties all the bags. "What are you doing here so early?"

"What do you mean? You told me to come and help you with all the cooking. I bought all the things you said you didn't have." Niall grins at him, but Harry doesn't feel like smiling at all.

"It's seven in the damn morning, Niall."

"So what? The sooner we start, the earlier we'll be done!"

"Not even Nina is up yet."

"Well, that's good. Your attention will go all to the cooking." He winks at Harry, all big smiles and pretending not to entirely hear a word Harry is saying. "Now, let's get to work."

"I don't know what I was thinking when I invited you to this stupid party." Harry sighs as he stands up and starts making his way to the stairs. "I'll go change and brush my teeth." He calls over his shoulder and Niall calls something back that he doesn't really care.

As soon as he steps into his bedroom again, the sight of a soft Louis in the bed makes him groan in frustration due to how much he just wants to  _sleep_.

"What's with all the commotion downstairs?" He hears Louis asks in a raspy voice as he pulls one of his worn out jeans up his legs.

He looks down at Louis and smiles, eyes suddenly soft and warm. "Good morning,", he says quietly and takes two wide steps to reach the bed, kneeling next to Louis on the mattress and pecking his lips gently. Louis hums in satisfaction, smiling back at him. "I'm sorry about the noise. Niall decided it was a good idea to come this early so we can start cooking."

"Ugh. Why are you friends with him again?" Louis huffs and Harry laughs, pecking his lips once more before climbing out of bed and fishing a black shirt in one of his drawers in the wardrobe, wearing it next. "I like it better with no shirt."

Harry looks at him pointedly and chuckles in amusement. "Too bad.", he shrugs teasingly and Louis narrows his eyes at him. "If Nina wakes up, can you hang out with —"

As if she could read his thoughts or even listen to what he was saying, Nina starts chanting a sequence of  _dada, dada, dad_ a until it turns into a loop of screaming and Harry has no other choice but to rush to her room and save everyone in the house from her bloody murder screams. 

" _Rise and shine, little Nina!_ " Niall yells all the way from the kitchen and Nina looks up at Harry from her crib with wide and excited eyes, clearly recognizing the voice.

"Good morning, sunshine," Harry speaks to her softly after shaking his head in amusement at Niall's behavior, taking his little girl into his arms and placing her on the changing table. "Did you have a good night sleep, love?"

Just like every other morning, as he changes her diapers and jammies, Nina starts mumbling what it's probably her telling him about a dream or something, and Harry looks at her with his usual surprised face, asking things like  _really?_   _and then what?_  because that makes her giggles and it brightens his day.

"What are you two up to?" Comes Louis into the room with a gentle smile. He's wearing dark blue jeans and a gray tee shirt. His hair is also done in a soft quiff and Harry has to bite his bottom lip as he looks at him.

"She's telling me about her dream." Harry tells him and goes back to putting Nina's black pants up her legs. "I guess."

Louis chuckles softly, now standing by his side and looking down at the baby girl mumbling unknown words and giggling nonstop. "She probably is."

"Are you going somewhere?" Harry asks, raising his brows at Louis and eying him up and down, smirking.

"Not until eleven." Louis smiles amusedly with a shrug.  "Got rehearsals today, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, right." Harry nods. Louis told him about it last night right before they went to bed. "But you'll be back for the party, right?"

"Oh, I would never miss it." Louis widens his eyes at him and Harry laughs.

When he's done putting Nina's pink shirt over her head and arms, he takes her into his arms and kisses her forehead lightly and hands her to Louis next.

"Give her breakfast, please? Niall is probably fuming downstairs right now because I'm taking too long. He said it's Harry's Casserole Day."

Louis laughs out loud, and that makes Nina laughs along with him. Harry's heart warms up at the sight. "It is Harry's Casserole Day, as a matter of fact."

"Ugh, shut up." He groans and leans in to peck Louis' lips with a loud smack. "Distract her enough so she won't want to hang out in the kitchen all the time we're there. Let me know when you have to go."

"As you wish, babycakes."

Then Harry's off to the kitchen with a big smile on his face and two giggling  _children_  following him behind.

His heart gets bigger, if possible.

 

***

 

The neighborhood is full of life — the party is set on Jane's street because she came up with the idea so she should be calling all the shots (her own words, really).

Harry isn't really sure about why they are throwing a neighborhood party, in the first place. It's not a holiday and it's no one's birthday. Jane told him something about it all being for the kids, but still. Pretty random.

Since it's all for the kids, it's a very colorful party. Jane wanted it all to be bright and happy, so Harry, Riley and Jason made sure to grant her wishes, since they were the ones with the Decoration Mission. They decorated the lampposts with colorful crepon paper flowers and the setup food and games stalls with birds and butterflies made out of simple paper.

Harry's got his face painted because one of Jane's kids dragged him to the lady with the face paint and told her to make his face like a tiger's face, and Harry doesn't really know how to say  _no_  to a kid.

Now he's got a giggling Nina in his arms, pointing her little fingers to his face and chanting a loop of  _dada, dada, dada,_ probably making fun of him or somewhat.

"Mate, your casserole is all gone." Niall approaches him with an amused smile and kisses Nina on the cheek. She giggles louder. "It's not even been three hours since we arrived."

"I guess it is Harry's Casserole Day, after all." Harry chuckles and Niall nods. "Have you seen Louis?"

"Oh, you mean your boyfriend Louis?" Niall raises his brows and pretends to be thinking deeply. Harry rolls his eyes at him. "Last time I've seen your boyfriend was right before he left for whatever it is he has to do."

"Rehearsals." Harry tells him. "I thought he would've arrived by now. Well," He shrugs and kisses Nina's forehead. "Guess we'll see him later."

"You'll survive a couple more hours without him, I'm sure." Niall blinks at him and smiles sweetly — what a fake. He does it to annoy the shit out of Harry.

"Without who?"

Harry turns around to see Louis smiling big at them. "Hey,", he smiles just as big and leans in for a peck on the lips. Louis takes Nina into his arms and places one sweet kiss on each of her cheeks. "How were rehearsals?"

"Great. Can't wait to perform for real, though."

"Harry won't ever shut up about what a great singer you are," Niall says and Harry narrows his eyes at him in disbelief. A traitor, of course. "Keeps reminding me of your sweet voice. You guys are disgusting."

"I told him that  _once_ ," He huffs and Louis laughs quietly beside him, freeing one of his arms to place his hand at the bottom of his back softly.

"Thank you, love." Louis' smile makes his heart warm. "You look great with a tiger face, by the way."

"Thanks," He grins amusedly. "Nina loves it."

Harry notices Louis opening his mouth to say something but stopping himself before he can even say anything. He raises his brows questioningly but Louis just smiles sweetly in response.

He lets it go until it comes a moment when Louis does it again, holding his words back one more time. Harry notices he's fidgety, eyes wandering around in a trance whenever Harry isn't talking to him or Nina isn't demanding his attention.

"Are you okay?"  Harry asks him when Niall gets Nina to play with the other kids on the small fishing pool. "You seem a little off."

"What? I'm fine," He gets as an answer, a soft but weak smile on Louis' lips.

"You can talk to me, you know that, right?"

"Of course I —"

"Harry, Louis!" He's interrupted by Jason's voice.

The two of them turn their heads to look at the man approaching them. Jason is one of the dads in the neighborhood and Louis is his oldest daughter's teacher. Louis complains about him a lot — says he's always bragging about how smart Elisa, his daughter, is and how she's going to Harvard or whatever (what he doesn't know, Louis had mentioned to him once, is that she doesn't want to go to Harvard at all).

"Good to see the two of you together," Jason smiles at them and pats their shoulders. "I remember Nina's birthday when you still couldn't stand each other."

"Yeah, the world turns." Louis says with a laugh. "Who would've thought."

Harry eyes him carefully — he still seems off.

"It's good to see you working it out for Nina's sake. She's a sweet little girl."

"She is, isn't she?" Harry smiles because he can't help but do so whenever someone says something sweet about his little girl.

"Yeah, she is." Jason nods with a smile. "How is she handling all the change?"

Harry feels Louis stiffens on his side at Jason's question and frowns in confusion. "She's doing fine,", he starts with a simple answer because it's true, she's been fine ever since the accident. She isn't old enough to understand the concept of missing her real parents. "I think she misses Eric and Kaitlyn every day, but doesn't really understand it. Like, she'll throw a fit out of nowhere for no reason, I guess this would be an explanation."

Louis doesn't say anything and it's starting to get on Harry's nerves — he would tell him off on it if it wasn't for the weird look Jason is giving him.

"Oh, no, no," He smiles at Harry. "I didn't mean that!" He chuckles. "I meant with Louis moving to Connecticut for his new job and all that," Harry's heart stop at that, it feels like. He doesn't dare to look at Louis because he  _can't_. He physically can't. "Elisa's been complaining about it ever since she heard the news! You're her favorite teacher." Jason chuckles at good heart, placing one of his hands on Louis' shoulder and squeezing it lightly. "I'm glad things are all working out, though."

"Thank you, Jason." Louis finally speaks and his voice is shaky with what Harry would dare to say it's anxiety and nervousness.

"Well, I'm off to look for my wife. You know how she gets if I'm not around for her demands for more than half an hour."

"See you later, man." Louis nods politely at him with a weak smile.

"See you, Jason." Harry says, and he's sure his stiffened voice doesn't go unnoticed.

"Harry, listen —"

"What in the fuck was that?" He demands before Louis can even try coming with an explanation. They're facing each other now, and while Harry's got pure angry fire in his eyes, Louis has got plead and defeat in his own. "Connecticut? What was he  _talking_  about, Louis?"

"Harry, please, can we go somewhere private? Just don't — don't jump to conclusions, please?" Louis asks him after taking a step forward and reaching his hand out to hold Harry's.

Harry lets out a humorless laugh, frowning at Louis. "Somewhere private? Why? Everyone else seems to know about whatever this is about. Just fucking tell me already. Is that why you've been off ever since you arrived here? Because you knew someone would let your secret out?"

"This isn't a secret, Harry." Louis sighs as he runs his hands through his face before grabbing Harry's elbows and squeezing it tightly. "There's nothing to be a secret."

"Well? What are you waiting for, then? I'm all ears."

"I've got a job at Yale," Louis tells him and Harry widens his eyes. How could he have not told him about this?

"You've got a job at Ya— are you fucking kidding me?" He knows he's being loud, but why in the world would he care? "How could you've not told me about this, Louis? Yale?!"

"Harry,  _please_ ," Louis pleads, taking one more step until their chest are pressed together. "Please, can we go somewhere?"

"How long have you known about this?" Harry ignores whatever it is Louis has just said, eyes boring into his.

Louis sighs, looking down at their feet before staring back at him, frowning. "I don't know. One week, maybe? Two? I don't know, Harry."

"Oh, okay, so long enough for you to have had a lot of opportunities to mention it to me."

"Harry —"

"Did you take the job?" He interrupts him once again, swallowing hard. He's  _not_  about to cry over this. "I didn't even know you applied for it."

"I did it before Eric and Kaitlyn's accident," Louis explains. "Before  _you_."

"And Nina."

"What?"

"Before me  _and_  Nina." Harry states and Louis' eyes are filled with guilt, and it makes Harry feel bad because this should be good news. It would have probably been if Louis hasn't kept it from him for all this time. "Did you take the job?" He repeats, voice firm.

"No, Harry! I didn't, alright? Why are you being such a prick about this? I hadn't heard from them ever since I applied for it, it'd been months! They called me just now to let me know they want me to take the spot, but I haven't given them an answer yet because I wouldn't do it without talking to you about it. What do you take me for?" Louis is breathless and his eyes are watery.

Harry doesn't want to see this.

"Do you  _want_  to take the job?" He questions him, trying his best not to let his voice break.

"Do I want to —" Louis takes a step back and bores his eyes into Harry's. "Of course I want to take the job, Harry. Do you even realize what this is? I can't just be a high school drama teacher for the rest of my life!"

Harry wants to ask  _but what about me?_   _What about Nina? What about us?_  But his only reaction is to press his lips tight together and nod, looking away from him before he bursts into tears.

"You might as well just go, Louis." He says, voice empty. "It  _is_  a great opportunity, after all. I would never stand between you and something that could change your professional career for better. I just guess this is the chance you were waiting for you to have an excuse to walk away from all of this, right?"

"Harry, no —" Louis pleads and reaches out for Harry's hand again. This time, though, he pulls away.

"I'm gonna go home for a bit. Nina's hanging out with Niall, can you stay with her if he needs to leave?"

"Harry, please."

"Let me know when you need to go to Connecticut so Nina can say goodbye." Harry looks at him one more time. "I hope I don't hear when's your flight from a random neighbor, this time." He chuckles darkly, and he knows that's low, but he doesn't care. Won't care.

He doesn't wait for Louis to say anything else, just walks away with quick steps until he's finally home, in the safety of his room, with no one else but his own self and the knowledge that Louis is  _walking away_.

He allows himself to cry until he sleeps, probably staining the pillow sheet with all the face paint; and the last thought crossing his mind is that if Louis doesn't want to stay, he won't ask him to.


	19. Nothing Else Will Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it'd be a good idea to write a chapter at Louis' point of view for a change, so now you'll see how he feels about Harry (as if it wasn't obvious already!!!) anyways...I can't believe there's only one more chapter to go!!!

_LOUIS_

 

 _This is not comfortable enough_ , it's the first thing Louis thinks as he steps into his new apartment.  _This isn't_ home  _enough_ , a hushed voice tells him at the back of his mind as he looks around the living room, where there are no toys all over the floor and no green-eyed man spread on the couch with the TV on.

It's Friday and it's also day number ten since he left Seattle — ever since he left  _home_. And it hurts, really. It hurts a lot. Louis has always bubble wrapped his heart because he's always wanted to avoid this kind of feeling, and now that it's  _right there_ , he doesn't even know how to deal with it. It's weird, that would be a good word to describe it.  _Weird_. Everything feels weird because as he stands in the middle of his new living room, with no one else but his own sad self, he wants to cry, and the funny thing is that he can actually feel his eyes burn with how much all the held back tears want to just stream down his face.

Louis hasn't cried ever since the day his very best friends were into the fatal car accident — he hasn't shed a tear since then. He also didn't cry when he arrived in New Haven and found himself all alone in a hotel room. He didn't cry when night came and he laid in bed by himself, just then realizing what was really going on. He didn't cry as he looked online for new apartments and he didn't cry when he finally found one close enough to his workplace. Louis didn't cry  _once_.

Now, though, as he just  _stands_ there, feeling as empty as his new home, he decides it's okay to let it go because it hurts too much.

So he cries.

He lets go of his bags and sits right in the middle of the living room, not giving a single care about how nice the carpet floor feels nor how glad he should be that it's a furnished place and how lucky he was to be able to get it in ten days. He just sits there and lets it all sink in.

It hurts more because he shouldn't be surprised that all of this happened, and he is.

Louis has never thought it would come the day that he would settle down and be happy about it. Relieved, even. He has never given much thought to how he would want his life to be in ten years and what he would like to be doing, and ever since  _everything,_ that much has all changed. In the past few months, Louis has done nothing but think about how he wants his life to be in ten years.  _I want to be here_ , he would think every time he would look at Harry and Nina,  _I want to be right here_. And he knows Harry feels and thinks the same way, or at least he did. Louis knows that, and it  _hurts_.

He knows what this is about — his heart beating like a tick-time bomb ready to explode every time Harry would so much as look at him, and how it now feels there's nothing more than a dull ache ready to rip it all to shreds. He knows the definition of this feeling and he hates that he's known this for so long that he should feel embarrassed about it.

This is  _love_.

Louis knows it — he's in love. He has been in love for a while now, and the fact that he doesn't even care that it's happened at all tells him a lot about how Harry's changed him in these past few months.

Louis loves him so much he sees nothing but green, from time to time. He's so in love he can't even handle it right now.

He misses Harry and Nina already and he doesn't know what to do with himself.Unanswered texts and straight to voicemails calls were all he's gotthese past few daysand he doesn't know what else to do.

He doesn't start his teaching job in the university until three days after his last Footloose Musical performance back in Seattle, and the first one is still three weeks away.How is he supposed to wait three weeks to go back and just then see Nina and Harry? Well, that if Harry wants to see him at all.

What is he supposed to do, now?

On the neighborhood's party day, right after Harry had walked away from Louis, he still had hopes that he would have the chance to talk to Harry and  _fix_  things  _—_ explain that it wasn't what he thought it was at all.Louis didn't need excuses to walk away when the only thing he wanted was to be right where he was.Louis wanted to tell him that they could work things out and that everything would be okay because he  _loves_  him.

However, when Louis got back home one hour later (even though he had wanted to follow Harry straight away, he'd decided it was a good idea to give him space) with Nina in his arms, Harry had already locked himself away into their room and wouldn't open the door not even when Louis stood right there with Nina still in his arms as he said she wanted him.The only answer he got then was silence.

In the following morning,what should have been an easy Sunday, turned out to be as silent as the previous night. Harry had woken up extra early, and when Louis met him in the kitchen having a quick breakfast with Nina, Harry didn't even bother to look into his eyes.Louis knew what was coming would be painful when Harry took Nina into his arms and walked away from the kitchen. Louis swallowed his tears down when he heard the front door being shut.

Later that day, Louis received a text from Harry telling him not to forget to send him his flight schedules — _and this is it, isn't it?,_ it's what Louis thought. He hadn't even booked a flight yet because he hadn't even taken the fucking job.

When he realized Harry wouldn't go back home that day, Louis turned on his computer and booked the first flight to New Haven he could get and a room in the closest hotel to the airport there was.

At half past midnight, Louis sent Harry a text that said _Tuesday, 9:55 a.m_ , and even though he knew Harry had seen it, he still got no answer and was left alone in the house on Monday, too.

Harry met him at the airport at eight-thirty on Tuesday with Nina in his arms. She must have been feeling something was wrong, because when Louis held her in his arms, she cried and wouldn't stop until he showed her one of the planes taking off.

By the time his flight was announced on the speaker, Harry got Nina from him and Louis looked at him with pleading eyes.  _Harry, please,_ he had said,  _it doesn't need to be like this,_  because he needed to try one last time.  _Let us know when you land,_ was what Harry told him with watery eyes right before turning around and walking away with all light left in Louis' life.

Ten days later, this is where Louis stands  _—_ alone in an empty apartment that will never feel like home because, just like people say, home is where the heart is.

The only problem is that his heart is two thousand nine hundred and thirty miles away from home. 

 

***

 

"Hey, mate," Niall answers his phone on the third ring.

It's day fourteen since he left home and day four since he last had an unfortunate moment of desperation. After setting himself into his new apartment and getting to know his new town, it came to an end where there wasn't much else to do, which lead him to thinking too much about Harry and Nina and raising questions like how is he supposed to live his life now.

Therefore, he decided it would be a good idea to call Harry's best friend to see how things are going, since he knows Harry won't pick up his phone if he calls. He tried that from day one to day twelve.

"Hi, Niall," He says with his eyes fixed on the white ceiling of his bedroom, wearing nothing but his underpants as he gets comfortable in his bed. "What's up?"

"Nothing much, really _._ Just chilling in my bed, doing nothing at all. I might go get lunch in a few, though."Niall tells him casually, but Louis knows he's trying his best not to sound off due to everything that's happened. _"_ What about you? How's New Haven so far?"

"You know," Louis sighs into the phone and closes his eyes. He's got nothing left to lose, so why the hell lie? "It's shit."He feels his eyes burn with tears that suddenly threaten to fall and he swallows hard. Niall isn't saying anything, probably waiting for Louis to keep going. "What am I supposed to do, Niall?"

"Louis," Niall sighs on the other line and Louis doesn't know if he wants to hear the rest. "You're supposed to just keep going, you know?There's nothing else you could've done. You tried reasoning and it didn't work. You tried calling a hundred times and it didn't work. What else could you have done? Stick around against Harry's will?" He feels his eyes and throat burn once again, his phone squeezes tight in his hand."Give it time, okay? That's the only thing you can do for about now."

"I miss them so much, Niall." He admits with a defeated deep breath, eyes closed for a moment. "I'm allowed to see her, aren't I?"

"Come back in a few weeks, alright? You have to, anyways, for your musical, right?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Alright, then do that, and as for now, I'll keep you posted about Nina, okay?"

"Okay," Louis nods, even though he knows Niall can't see him. "Keep me posted about him, too." He asks quietly and can't hold back anymore from those stupid tears any longer. "Keep me posted about Harry, too. Let me know how he's doing."

"If it makes you feel any better or a little bit more relieved. He's kind of a mess, as well. Doesn't really know what he's doing."

That bit of information doesn't make Louis feel any better at all.

 

_***_

 

Time has never passed any slower than the past three weeks Louis has been livingand waiting until this very day  _—_ Flying Back to Seattle Day _._

His day by day in New Haven has been nothing more than an ordinary routine (for someone who's just been through a heartbreaking break-up and still hasn't gotten the chance to get over it) _—_ wake up at nine in the morning to have a same old same old bowl of cereal for breakfast and watch TV until his eyes get so tired he has to sleep a little bit more (and also because the only thing he can currently watch is Harry's favorite show and it makes Louis miss him too much). Then wake up, go for a walk and watch TV again. Maybe he'll go out for lunch and grocery shopping so he can try cooking for himself — but that's for a good day, and it's rare.

And it all has never passed so slower than this.  _Until now._ He has been counting the days until it was the time for him to finally wake up and get ready to go to the airport, but now that it's time, he can't help but think that it's all passing  _too fast_.

He's going to see Harry, isn't he? What in the world is he supposed to say? It's been five weeks and the only news about Harry that he gets is from Niall, and Louis doesn't always believe what the guy tells him. He knows something is being held back.

And now he is going to see him _—_ all flesh and bones and reddish cheeks and plump lips _._ Louis misses him too much and he doesn't know what he's supposed to say after so long. Five weeks is too damn long. He doesn't even know if Nina is going to remember him at all.

There are a few minutes left before the plane lands and Louis tries to take this time for him to breathe and tell himself that everything is going to be just fine  _—_ Harry and he will talk and they will work things out and be a family again, because that's where they belong. Together, being a family. Louis truly believes that and his heart hurts too much being everything but that.

Since it's a day before his musical, his mother will be waiting for him along with his sister Lottie, the oldest of all his sisters (they booked flights that would be arriving around the same time so they could all leave together), and he isn't sure if he's looking forward to meeting them, if he's honest.

Well, he isn't honest, that's the thing. He  _wasn't_.When his mother asked him why he was flying to New Haven his answer was that he was just going to spend a few weeks at Yale's campus for some research work he was invited to participate and he never, not once, mentioned that he and Harry isn't a thing anymore.At first, he just didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to hear his mother tell him how wrong he is for leaving, but now he thinks that he hasn't told her yet because as soon as he does, it'll just get even more real.And he doesn't really want any of this to be real _._

Still, he takes a deep breath and tells himself that by the end of the following day, everything will be fine, and when the plane finally lands, he does it all one more time before stepping out into the airport.

"Mom," He greets his mother with a tight hug when they meet at baggage claim.

She hugs him back with a tight squeeze, whispering an _I've missed you_ in his ear. He smiles softly and kisses her forehead before letting go and stepping into his sister's space and hugging her just as tight.

"How have you been? How was Yale?" His mother asks him as they make their way through the airport after grabbing their suitcases. "Tell me everything!"

Louis' heart seems to skip a beat at the question and he has to bite his tongue and press his lips together before coming up with an apology for what he's about to say. "Uh, it's been good,", it's what he starts with, and that's enough for his mother and sister to give him a look.

"Good? What do you mean, good?" It's his sister's turn to ask, and as they stop at the waiting line for an Uber, Louis is cornered.

"I have something to tell you, actually."

"Louis Tomlinson, what have you done?"

Louis widens his eyes at her, allowing himself to be offended for a moment or so. "What makes you think I have done something?", he questions as they finally get in a car, telling the driver the address of the hotel in which he booked two rooms.

"This isn't your house's address," His mother frowns at him and he looks at her, blinking. "I know your house's address, Louis!"

"How do you even know my address by heart, mother? You don't even  _live_  here!"

"You tell me what's going on right now."

He sighs and sinks into his seat in between his mother and sister, who looks at him with a scowl on her face.

"We're not going to the house, okay?" Louis says lowly and his mother's frown deepens. "That's not my house anymore."

"What do you mean that's not your house anymore? What happened, Louis?"His sister, Lottie, asks and he looks at her with tired eyes. She seems to understand it all without him even having to say a word.

"Harry doesn't want me there anymore."He looks at his mother then, and her face isn't swallowed by a frown any longer. She's looking at him with soft and understanding eyes. "And honestly, I don't know if Harry wants me anymore at all."

"Tell me what happened, love."

He tells them everything — from how he kept the fact that Yale wanted to give him a job away from Harry to how deeply in love he is with the man.

His mother and sister aren't surprised at all by the last bit of information.

"That's nothing new, love." His mother tells him, the car stopping in front of the hotel twenty minutes later. "You have been fond of this boy ever since the first time you met him."

Louis frowns at his mother as they make their way out of the car and into the hotel. Lottie chuckles quietly at his face and he frowns at her, too. "What?", he questions because, really,  _what?_

He knows now that he's been in love with Harry for a while now, but a while means for  _months_. What is his mother on about?

"Are you that oblivious? Don't you remember the day after your failed date with him?"

"What about it?"

"What about it?!" His sister repeats humorously. "You wouldn't shut up about him. And the day after that, too. Don't even get me started on when you started to completely hang out with him because of Kaitlyn and Eric."

He lightly remembers that — but he was just complaining about how Harry was such an annoying little shit. Even more annoying than he used to be...or still is. It doesn't even matter.He would always mention the obvious: how Harry could get on his nerves but how easy it was to get right back at the boy. So easy. Harry was so easy. That's what he would say, just that. And maybe, from time to time, he would mention the color of Harry's eyes and how sweet his voice would sound when he would sing. But it was never a big deal. Louis would still go out and about and get some.Harry would be in his mind every other day, but it didn't mean anything. He never thought about it.

"That's..." He blinks at the both of them, all three in the elevator waiting for it to stop on the fifth floor. "Nothing. It doesn't mean anything. The only time I would open my mouth to talk about him was to tell you, ladies, how annoying he was."

"Should I remind you how you looked every time you did so?"His mother raises her brows and he swallows dry. "Bright eyes, red cheeks, soft smile..."

"That's not true, mother."

"Louis, honey," She sighs. "Why wouldn't it be okay if you've been in love with Harry all along?"

"Because it doesn't matter, mom! Okay?" He snaps, running his hands through his hair and closing his eyes for a brief moment. "So what if I've been in love with him all along? It doesn't change the fact that I've fucked it all up and now he doesn't even want to see my face!"

The elevator stops with a ding and the doors open; they walk out in silence and just when they stop in front of his mother and Lottie's room she looks up at him and holds one of his hands tight. "You'll talk to him, baby.", she says softly. "He's in love with you, too. Don't you know that?"

"How would I?" He mumbles bitterly, trying his best not to fucking cry.

"How would he know you feel it, too? You didn't tell him, did you?" She questions and he stares at her, thinking. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Get some rest."

When Louis is finally in bed, feeling like a whole new person after a long shower, he lets himself think to sleep as he stares up at the ceiling — his mother's and sister's words making way into his brain and pointing everything out to him in a whole new angle.

The fact that he's been in love with Harry all along strikes him like lightning, and he's only able to sleep with his heart in his throat and swelled eyes. 

 

_***_

 

Louis honestly didn't think he could get any worse on the day of his performance, and he was truly, deeply hoping that wouldn't happen. It was an honest mistake, if he's completely rational about it  _—_ a mistake. How very dare him? Think his life couldn't go any deeper to the bottom of the fucking well.  _What a damn fool._

Niall texted him five minutes ago letting him know that he's there with Harry and Nina, and that they can't wait to finally watch him perform.And he knows that it's bullshit, because he's pretty sure Niall had to drag Harry to the theatre.Still, he couldn't help but feel at least a bit more hopeful and then he'd get a chance to open his heart out to Harry.

At first, he thought it'd be a good idea to meet up with them after the show, but then he couldn't really deal with the anxiety and decided it'd be best if he did it before _._ The problem is that as soon as he found his way out of backstage to look for them in the crowded place, he found them sitting in the second first row and Louis' heart crushed right then.

There was Harry, with all his glory and beauty and reddish cheeks and bright green eyes that could light up every single darkness of Louis' life, being his beautiful and soulful self _._ There was Harry grinning at Nina, who was giggling at something someone else was saying. Someone Louis wasn't expecting to be there. There sat Jordan, next to Louis' angelic girl who would only ever giggle like that to the people closest to her. And there sat Harry, staring fondly at the interaction in front of him.

The view is answer enough to the first question that pops into his head —  _what is Jordan doing here?_ A bitter voice answers it for him:  _he's here with Harry. And Nina. He's here with your_ family _._ And fuck, it hurts.

Suddenly Louis doesn't want to do any of this anymore. He wants to walk away from all of this — the scene happening right before his eyes; the musical, this life. He wants to run away from it all because just then, he doesn't belong here anymore. He wants to jump on the first plane to New Haven and never look back ever again.

He also wants to walk to Harry and shout at his face, to scream how stupid he is at him. Wants to scream and shout and yell until Harry understand that he's home to Louis. That if he can't have what they had anymore, then nothing else will do. He wants Harry to know that because of him, Louis won't want to be with anyone else that isn't his green-eyed gorgeous self. He doesn't want anyone and anything else but what they shared before everything went down the hill.

He doesn't do that, though, but he can't stop himself from thinking how Harry could have done this to him? How could he have been cold enough to take Jordan, out of everyone, to experience this day with him? A day that means so much to Louis, but suddenly means nothing at all.Harry was cruel. He's cruel. There's no other word to describe what he's done. Louis is _fuming._ How could he have done this? How could he have been so fast? Does he remember who Louis had been to him for the past months?

He turns around and goes back to his sitting spot backstage, texting Niall that he doesn't want to see Harry and asking if he would mind taking Nina backstage to him after the show.

 _Okay, mate. And I'm sorry,_ Niall answers him two minutes later, and then it's showtime.

The entire performance, he doesn't look at Harry's direction once.

He'll take that as a winning, even though the feeling he gets when the lights go off and he and his team are being applauded feels nothing like winning.


	20. I'd Physically Live Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh my god, this is it!!! here's the first part of the end, guys!!! I can't believe I'm finished!!!!  
> thank you so much for those who've been reading since I first started posting this story, it means so much to me  
> I'm so glad you've loved it enough to keep reading, even though it's the most cliche story ever!!! and now, here's the happy end you guys deserve!!! thank you lovelies!!!

Harry is closing the bakery when he hears his phone ringing in his jeans pocket, and there's only one person that calls him every time he is the last one to leave his workplace. He's just not in the mood of talking to Jordan right now, nor in a few minutes or hours — how can he? The last time they spoke, at seven-ish this morning, Jordan asked him to move in together and Harry doesn't know how to cope, that's the thing.

So as he locks the bakery's front door, he stares at the unfinished reconstruction and sighs as deep as he can, swallowing dry with a burning throat just like every other time he's left to close.

He isn't ready to move in together with Jordan.

They have been great, it's true. Jordan is a great person and so kind to him, but moving in together is a huge other deal that Harry can't think about right now.

It's been two months and a half since everything changed and Harry is still to get used to it. How is he supposed to? Two months ago he felt the way he's never thought he would, and he  _belonged_. Now it all feels weird.

Jordan is there for him, always. But, still. It isn't the same.

And really, Harry feels terrible — sometimes he can't help but think he's being a selfish prick, that he's been using Jordan to replace someone who can't ever be replaced and he feels awful, because he isn't like that.

He has feelings for Jordan, he truly does, but his mind and heart do tricky things to him and make him compare from time to time.

One week after Louis was gone to New Haven, Jordan went to the bakery and started talking to him and asking him questions and Harry was vulnerable and  _sad,_ he didn't really know what to do and Jordan was there. So he just let him be there from then on, and it felt nice, like a safe band-aid.

On Louis' musical performance day, though, Harry felt even worse. When Niall told him that Louis only wanted to see Nina, his heart felt small and he felt like an asshole because of course that would happen — Harry had crossed a line, hadn't he? He took Jordan as his  _date_  to what Louis had been waiting for months, to what they had been talking about  _together_  for days and days and days.

And that was pretty much it, really. Harry hasn't seen much of his favorite blue eyes since then — he only sees him when Louis comes to Seattle to visit Nina, every two weeks. He usually asks Niall to take her to his house so Louis can pick her up there, and Harry understands.

He does, it doesn't hurt any less, though.

But this was Louis' choice, wasn't it? He decided not to tell Harry about his plans of moving to the other side of the country, not once considering his oh-so-called family. He chose all of this.

Harry has been taking his time walking home, lately — he hired a qualified babysitter to watch over Nina in the afternoon and part of the evening, and since then he decided it would be a great idea to walk home from work. He takes his time to think, and in an hour or so he's home. He even dares to take the bus, sometimes — like he used to, when Kaitlyn and he didn't want to drive and would decide to just take the bus, even though it took so damn long for them to get home that way.

Sometimes Jordan is home with Nina waiting for him, and he feels something weird in his stomach at the sight of them both sitting in front of the TV, giggling to a cartoon movie — he wishes it was a good weird, but again, it's just a wrong weird.

Today isn't one of the days that he's met with this sight, and he's glad to just find the babysitter, Annie, sitting on the couch with her phone in her hands lightening her face.

"Evening, Annie," He greets as he shuts the door behind him.

The twenty-year-old blonde girl looks up at him with a kind smile and stands up from the couch. "Hey, Harry,", she says. "I put Nina to bed an hour ago. She wanted to wait for you, kept crying for dada but she was fine after a few minutes."

"Thank you, Annie." He smiles weakly at her and she nods with kind eyes, grabbing her backpack from the bottom of the stairs and making her way to the front door.

"Have a good night, Harry. See you tomorrow."

"You too, love."

"Oh!" She stops before she can walk to her car. "Jordan called, like, an hour ago."

Harry looks at her and blinks. "Thanks, Annie. I'll call him."

She smiles sweetly and turns around. He watches as she gets into her bright yellow Ford Smart Fortwo parked in front of the house and only closes the door when she's out of sight safely — he lets out a soft chuckle when he thinks about her color choice, just like usual. He can't help himself.

Harry texts Niall that he's home safely and gets a smiley back along with a  _you_   _know_   _I don't have anything else better to do and can always close the damn bakery for you._ He decides not to answer anything to that after throwing himself on his bed.

Just like every other night, he opens his chat box with Louis and stares at it as if something will change if he does so. The last thing he received from him was from four days ago scheduling a time to pick up Nina for this weekend, since he's coming to Seattle to see her.

_Friday, 5:30 p.m._ It says, and that's it, really. Just like every text Louis has sent him for the past few weeks — only about the day and time he's picking Nina up. Never once asking about Harry or if  _they_  can meet up or anything.

Harry doesn't answer any of the texts — there was only one time that he had already made plans to spend the weekend with his family in his hometown, and so he was obligated to let Louis know and that was it. They don't talk anymore. Harry doesn't know anything about him anymore and it hurts so bad.

He hasn't seen him in ages and he misses him. Harry misses being a family with Louis.

He feels like crap because everything is great. There's nothing wrong with his life besides the fact that the one person who holds his heart tight isn't around anymore to give it back to him.

Sighing deeply, he texts Jordan goodnight after letting him know that he's okay and will call him tomorrow.

In the shower, he pretends the lump in his throat and the tears burning his eyes have anything to do with the fact that he hasn't heard Louis' voice or seen his face for almost three months.

 

_OCTOBER_

 

"This is a mess." Niall states as he looks around the bakery, as if it's any news. "You should've kept the reconstruction going. Louis said it was okay."

Harry scowls at him behind the cashier counter. "We've had this conversation before, Niall.", he says just like every other time Niall brings the subject on. "How pathetic of me would it be if I kept this going even though Louis and I aren't a thing anymore? It's  _his_ money."

"You weren't a  _thing_ when he offered it to you." Niall rolls his eyes and smiles at a couple stepping inside the bakery and stopping in front of the glass case to look at all the options. "Talk to him, will you?"

"I won't call him," Harry angrily whispers but is quick to put a smile on his face when the couple is ready to order. "Thank you for coming in, have a good day." He waves at them after handing them the food and putting the money in the cashier box. "I'm not calling him." He turns back to Niall, who's setting the fresh cupcakes on the top of the balcony.

"You won't need to." He shrugs and looks at Harry with raised brows. "I told him he isn't picking Nina up in my house anymore, and since he said he isn't going to your house, I said he had to come here, then."

Harry widens his eyes at him, his heart picking up the pace and beating so fast it might explode his chest in a minute. "You what?!"

"You heard me alright. It's about time you two suck it up and talk to each other."

"Niall, he doesn't want to talk to me." Harry reasons and he's sure he's about to cry by the way his eyes burn and his vision blurs. "If he wanted to he wouldn't be picking Nina up at  _your_ house!"

"See if I give a fuck?" Niall glares at him and he frowns. "He's coming in twenty minutes and there's nothing you can do about it. You can't leave, either, because Nina is back there in the kitchen making a mess and driving Lucca crazy."

"That's why you told me to bring her here to spend the morning!" Harry points a finger at Niall in accusation and he's so  _mad_. "Niall! What's wrong with you? I thought we were friends! Here I thought you just wanted to spend some fun time with Nina."

Niall blinks at him with an annoyed look on his face. "Suck it up.", he repeats and turns around, walking into the kitchen and leaving Harry alone to deal with his crazy beating heart and the clients in line that are looking at him with weird eyes.

"I'm sorry." Harry smiles, surprised that he hasn't noticed them in the first place. "Will that be all?"

Harry swallows dry when he hears the door little bell dings and is relieved not to find Louis stepping inside but a frequent client that smiles kindly at him and orders the same thing he orders every Friday — a blueberry doughnut and a latte. Harry hands her the order and smiles sweetly when she pays for it with a  _thank you_.

Since there's no one in line to pay, he is quick to turn around and walk to the kitchen in the back, finding Nina sitting on the floor playing with dirty dough (that it was probably nice and clean and ready to be baked before she grabbed it and threw it on the floor) next to Niall, who's busy frosting a chocolate cake.

"Niall, can you be the cashier for a couple of hours, please?"

Niall, Lucca, and Ellie (the two nice people he hired a month ago to help with the cooking) look at him with curious eyes — Niall being the only one who knows what he's up to.

"You know you're gonna see him anyways, right?" Niall leaves the frosting on the big counter and walks to the sink to wash his hands.

"Dada! Dada!" Nina stands up from her sitting position next to Niall and clumsily runs to Harry by the kitchen door, wrapping her small arms around his right leg. "Cake!"

Harry smiles down at her but narrows his eyes when he looks back at Niall. "Did you give her cake for breakfast, Niall?"

"I certainly did not. I'm not sure about Ellie, though." Niall shrugs as he dries his hands with a cloth.

"What!" Ellie gasps and widens her eyes dramatically. "Well, you know, she was crying a lot because I wouldn't give her any! I have a weak side for crying children, okay?"

Ellie is a twenty-eight-year-old blond woman that has a lot in common with Harry, and when she came in looking for a job with a kind smile and jokes that weren't funny at all but made him laugh anyways, he befriended her right away.

"She wasn't crying at all, Ellie. She just kept repeating  _cake_  over and over and Ellie didn't have the patience to deal with it." Lucca says from his spot in front of the oven as he cooks what it smells like the Brazilian filling Harry's taught him a few weeks ago — he doesn't really know how to say it, but he's sure it's something line  _brigadeiro_.

"Cake! Ells cake!" Harry looks down at Nina who is looking up at him with a huge smile and he suddenly can't believe she'll be two in no time.

He tries his best not to cry.

"Auntie Ells gave you cake, sweetie? No more dessert for today, then, huh?" He ducks down in front of her and puts a lock of her hair behind her ear. It's getting so long.

"Hah! You'd think Louis isn't giving her any candy." He hears Niall say behind him and turns his head to find him leaning against the door.

"What are you still doing here? Cashier, I said!" He scowls at his friend, who laughs loudly at him and turns around to do as he was told.

"He's right, though." Ellie says, finishing to frost the cake Niall started.

"Ellie, how would you know? You don't even know Louis."

"I know him enough." She blinks at him and he stands up with Nina now in his arms. He frowns at her, not quite getting what she's trying to say. "You never shut up about him!"

Lucca nickers from the oven and Harry scowls deeper, making Nina giggle as she pokes between his brows.

"That's not true!" He exclaims. "I only talk about him when he's coming to pick Nina up."

"Yeah, right." Lucca chuckles.

"Don't say stuff like that, guys, okay?" He says and both of them look at him. "It's hard enough as it already is."

"Oh, sweetie." Ellie wipes her hands with a dishcloth and walks to him. "I'm sorry. Niall's mentioned that it's been a tough one for you, and I can see it, too. But, you know, I can also see how happy Jordan makes you." She places a hand on his shoulder and Nina looks at her with a big smile, leaning into her and wrapping her arms around Ellie's neck. "Maybe if you and Louis talked it out, it wouldn't be such a burden for you anymore." She takes Nina into her arms, her eyes staring soft into Harry's. "Then you guys would have the chance to be friends again."

"I know." Harry nods with a deep sigh. "It's just that it's —"

"Mate," Niall interrupts him when he walks into the kitchen again. Harry looks at him and then he knows what this is about. "He's here."

"Oh." Harry blinks and Ellie smiles softly at him. "Okay."

"Talk, alright?" She whispers as she puts Nina back into his arms and he nods in agreement, but he doesn't even know if he's completely listening.

"Mate, do you want me to go out there with Nina? I know I said that you need to suck it up but —"

"No," Harry interrupts him with a shake of his head. "It's okay. I'll go."

He doesn't wait for Niall's response, just grabs Nina's bag from a high stool by the door and walks out of the kitchen.

As soon as he's out, his eyes meet Louis' from across the room and his heart speeds up like a racing car.

It takes two seconds for Nina to see Louis and to start wiggling in Harry's arms. "Papa, papa, papa!", she chants like it's a prayer and Harry lets her go, letting her run to Louis. He smiles weakly when he ducks down to meet her with a big and tight hug.

Niall is behind the cashier counter watching everything with cautious eyes, but Harry suddenly isn't very aware of his surroundings since he's only got eyes for the blue-eyed man that is now looking back at him again with a baby girl in his arms.

Harry takes the few steps separating them to stand in front of him and then there's heartbreak. He's missed Louis so much. Misses him so much. It shouldn't be like this.

"Hi." Louis is the first one to say while Nina hugs him tight with her arms around his neck and face pressed softly against his shoulder.

"Hey," He says and it sounds almost like a whisper, his voice like a knife cutting his throat because he isn't ready for this.

He wants to be, though — he wants to ask Louis how he has been ever since the last time they spoke; he wants to ask him if he's happy about his job and if he likes his new home. Harry wants to look at him in the eye and touch his stubble and his lips and tell him he has been missing him so badly he can barely take it.

And true to his wishes, he actually opens his mouth to speak all of those things but Louis is faster, grabbing Nina's bag from his hand and beating him to it when he says, "I'll take her to Niall's on Sunday."

Harry blinks at him, shutting his mouth as he swallows his heart back to its place. "Okay.", he whispers, and he isn't even sure that Louis heard him.

"Right. Have a nice weekend." Louis nods and just then Harry notices that he has barely looked right into Harry's eyes. "Nina, say bye-bye to dada."

" _Baba dada_ ," Nina waves her small hands and blows messy kisses to Harry, who watches them step out of the bakery with watery eyes.

Through the window display, he sees Nina reaching out to the bakery with a big pout as she cried for Harry, but Louis, being the expert in distracting her that he is, tells her something that makes her look at him with wide eyes and a big smile.

Harry feels his heart break to the thought that they used to make her smile like that  _together_.  
  


 

_THANKSGIVING DAY_

 

"Jordan, I've told you a thousand times already: don't touch anything!"Harry exclaims from the oven where he's cooking the stuffing for the turkey _._

It's the third time Jordan tried to help and ended up making a mess in Harry's kitchen — which is why Harry's banished him from the sacred place for the day and also why he is a doctor.Harry's told him that before, and even though Jordan takes it only as a joke, Harry is pretty serious about it.

"I just want to help!"Jordan defends himself, stopping next to Harry and leaning his body against the sink. "I'm just trying to be helpful, alright?"

"I've got Niall and my mother to help me already, don't worry about it, okay?"Harry rolls his eyes as he whisks the ingredients in the pan. Jordan chuckles and Harry gives him a side look. "What?"

"Why are you so nervous?"

"What? I'm not nervous. What are you talking about?"

Jordan shakes his head lightly in playful disbelief and places himself behind Harry, his entire torso pressed softly against Harry's back. 

"I know that you're a perfectionist and everything, but usually you're a pretty chill one. What's gotten you so nervous about today?"

"Jordan, I'm not nervous."Harry insists, even though his heart beating like crazy tells him otherwise. "It's just that this is my first Thanksgiving dinner. I mean, not the first one that I'm cooking, but the first one that I'm throwing. Kaitlyn was always in charge."He admits, but keeps a small part all to himself.

"Oh. I'm so sorry." Jordan says against the back of his neck. "Tell me if you need anything, please?"

"Can you hang out with Nina so she can let my mom help me here for a while? Niall's out to the supermarket and I've got only her to help me out."

"Are you for real?" Jordan laughs when he steps away from him and Harry raises his brows at him.

"You can help with Nina, okay? Now get the hell out of my kitchen."

"Fine, fine. Jesus."

Jordan walks away after placing a soft kiss on Harry's left cheek, and two minutes later his mother, Anne, walks in with her long hair tight in a bun on the top of her hair and her cheeks reddish probably from running around with Nina.

"Tired, are we?" Harry asks playfully when she stops next to him, gasping. She nudges him on the ribs and he chuckles. "Where's Lauren?"

"Her flight is landing in about an hour or so." Anne tells him as she starts chopping the carrots Harry washed a while ago.

"What was she doing in Chicago again?"

"Something about college. I'm not sure, you know I usually don't understand half of the things she says." She smiles amusedly and he laughs, nodding in agreement. "That girl is a menace."

"I miss her anyway." Harry shrugs and turns the oven off, turning around to lean his left hip against the sink and look at his mother. "I miss you."

Anne stops the chopping to look at him with a soft and knowing smile. "I know, sweetheart. We miss you, too."

"I'm not sure Lauren misses me that much." He raises his brows with a laugh and his mother scowls at him like she always does every time he so much as hints that he might think Lauren doesn't love him as much as he loves her. "I'm kidding, mom."

"You better be." She huffs and goes back to the chopping, grabbing some asparagus from a pan on the far corner of the sink and placing them on one of the trays that Harry spared for the grilled vegetables.

"I want to go back, you know."

"What do you mean?" Anne stops her task once again to look at Harry with full attention.

"I want to go back home." Harry clarifies, and by the way she frowns, he knows she doesn't like what he's saying. "Or at least somewhere closer to you guys. Nina will love it there, and Jordan says he'll go, too."

"Have you lost your mind?" Her mother asks seriously, she's still frowning.

"What? Why?"

"You want to go back home and you're considering dragging Jordan along with you?" She scowls with a huff and Harry is surprised she looks so angry. "And Nina won't love it there!"

"Mom, she's one. Two, almost. It won't make any difference to her."Harry walks to the counter across from the sink and rests his lower back against it, crossing his arms over his chest and looking at his mother with tired eyes. Because, truly, he is so tired. "Besides, I can pay for this house all by myself, it's too big. I'll sell it and will find a smaller place for me and Nina to live. And Jordan, if he wants to. And I want to do it _back home."_

"It will make a difference for her. She won't be seeing Niall as much, someone she loves dearly, and Niall won't be seeing her. Nor you. And isn't he your best friend? What about your bakery, which you fought so hard to have?"

"We'll see Niall, mom. We can come visit, and he can do it, too. And the bakery, he'll take care of it here, and I'll open another one home."

"You're running away." She states, as if she's so sure of what she's saying.

"What?" He frowns. "No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are. I understand you saying you want to sell the house, but moving away from Seattle? This is about Louis, who, by the way, isn't even living here anymore."She steps away from the sink to stand in front of him, placing her hands on his elbows and looking at him with soft and kind eyes. "Sweetheart, think about what you're saying, okay? This is Nina's home, and it's your best friends' home. It's your home. If you really want to sell the house, okay. But don't say you're moving away to go all the way back home because I'm not allowing it."

"Mom." Harry sighs as he runs his hands over his face. "Please."

"I'm serious!" She squeezes his elbows. "If you want a smaller place, you buy it here, in Seattle."

"Mom."

"You're not going back, you hear me? Sell the house all you want but you're not going anywhere near Idaho."

Harry chuckles fondly at her and nods in agreement, because it doesn't matter what he says, he knows she isn't giving up on telling him the same thing.

He does really want to go back home, but it gives him a weird feeling when he thinks about moving away, and it isn't a good weird feeling. However, he feels as if he doesn't really belong here anymore, and it probably has something to do with the fact that the house doesn't seem like it's his home anymore when Louis isn't there to call it home with him.

"I'll probably sell it even if I stay in Seattle, anyways." He shrugs and her mother nods, understanding. "I've talked to Jordan about it. He wants to move in together."

"And you do, too?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Well, honey, be sure before you do it, alright? Jordan is a sweet guy, he'll understand if you say no."

"I know."

"Now, explain to me why he told me you look nervous when he went upstairs to play with Nina."She cups his cheeks sweetly. "You do look nervous. Tell me why."

"It's nothing." He sighs. "I'm not nervous."

"Harry."

"Louis is coming."Harry blurts out and Anne raises her brows in surprise. "For dinner. I invited him, and I thought he wouldn't even answer my text."

"But he did."Anne nods and smiles softly. "He just needed time, love."

"A long time, huh?" Harry chuckles bitterly and decides it's best if he sticks to cooking, only.

And he does. He drags to him the tray with the turkey placed in the middle of the counter, ready to be finally baked and doesn't allow himself to think about anything that isn't related to the damn turkey.

He starts humming a tune, and he's sure is a song that reminds him way too much of Louis. He pretends it means nothing, though.

It's three hours later that the guests start to arrive. The first one to knock on the door is Louise, the neighbor next door, along with her husband Michael and her three-year-olds twins Daniel and Alice _._ She walks in with a big smile and a pumpkin pie that smells so good that Harry could eat it all by himself. The kids run off to god knows where in the house, but everyone can hear them screaming, so it's all good.

"Good to see you," Harry greets them with a short hug and two kisses on Louise's cheeks. "Thank you for coming."

"We wouldn't miss your Thanksgiving dinner, sweetie." Louise tells him playfully, and she sounds so much like Kaitlyn that it kind of hurts for a moment.

"Well, come on in. _Mi casa es_ _su_ _casa_ and all that. There are a lot of snacks on the kitchen counter. Enjoy yourselves."

"Thanksgiving snacks that famous Harry Styles made? I say I'm off."Michael jokes and Harry lets a small laugh out. He knows that even though that's a joke, Michael is a big fan of food — Harry's food, specific. Every week Louise calls the bakery to order something different because Michael wants something from there.

True to his words, though, Michael is indeed off to the kitchen the second later. Louise shrugs as if silently saying there's nothing she can do about it — because, really, there isn't — and then she's off after her husband.

Next coming in are Joe and Susan with their little girl Wendy. They come bearing a chocolate pie and a bottle of white wine that Joe swears is the best he's ever tried.

Then it's Ellie, Lucca, and Niall stepping inside, each one with a different dish  _—_ Ellie's famous blueberry pie (that she wouldn't stop talking about the first week she started working at Annie's Sweet until Harry allowed her to bake it so they could sell it) _;_ Niall's pack of beers and two bags of family sized chips (even though Harry told him it wasn't necessary since he made healthier snacks) _and_ Lucca'smashed sweet potatoes (that he so kindly begged for Harry to let him cook at least  _that_ ) _._

"I've brought the best snack." Niall says after giving Harry a quick hug, Ellie, and Lucca doing the same right after.

"I remember saying: Niall, you don't need to bring chips.It's good that you don't give a fuck."Harry states and Niall shrugs, confirming what he's just said.

"Thanks for letting me bring the mashed sweet potatoes."Lucca tells him with a chuckle.

"I hope it's as good as you say it is, otherwise I'm smashing it on your ugly mug."Ellie warns him playfully and Harry laughs loudly while Niall takes off  _—_ probably after Nina _—_ and Lucca glares at Ellie.

"It is!"

"Just get married already, you two."Harry sighs dramatically and they frown at him. "Sorry, sorry. Just go in and make yourselves at home."

The both of them roll their eyes but do as told, just as Jordan approaches with a soft smile, pecking Harry's lips sweetly.

"Do you feel any better?"Jordan asks himwith an arch of his brows, leaving his right arm around Harry's shoulders.

"You've asked me that already. An hour ago."Harry looks at him, faking an annoyed face that always makes Jordan laughs.

"You weren't feeling any better then."His boyfriend shrugs, squeezing him to his side _._ "Do you, now?"

"Yes, Jordan, I do. Thank you."

"Now, don't be cheeky." Jordan chuckles, placing a soft kiss on Harry's cheek. "Do you need anything?"

"Yes, actually, I do. Can you please stay here so I don't need to host people inside anymore?"Harry asks him because first, he's tired of standing there already, and second, he doesn't want to be the first one to face Louis — which he should, and it isn't fair to leave Jordan, out of all people, to do it —, but he's got his own reasons, right? "Plus, I need to get the turkey out of the oven."

"Of course, you go on. I'll be here."

"Thank you," Harry smiles and pecks Jordan's lips, turning around to walk to the kitchen and find Niall, Lucca, and Ellie arguing about something Harry doesn't even want to know."Where are the snacks?" He stops right in front of the counter, where there are no snacks.

"We took it over to the dining room. There's a smaller higher table over there, why would you leave it all here in the kitchen where all the magic happens?"Ellie says with an amused and cheeky smile.

"Thanks. I guess." He rolls his eyes. "Now, get outta here."

"Fine, gee. What a bossy ass." Niall huffs and starts to leave with a beer in hands."

"I am the boss!"He calls out after then, but they pretend not to hear, and then he's left alone to deal with the turkey and pretend he doesn't care that Louis is about to arrive after months.

Just as the oven's set alarm rings, there's a bit of commotion coming from the living room that doesn't sound like kids running around or Harry's guests calmly talking — it actually sounds like Louis' voice among Niall's and Jordan's, which is enough to make Harry's heart skip a beat and almost drop the tray of turkey he's taking out of the oven to the floor. 

Once he places the tray on the counter, he stands still with wide eyes and breath stuck — he can't breathe. It's been too long since he last saw Louis and now that he's here, it seems to hurt even more. What is he supposed to say once they face to face? How is he supposed to act? Louis has been giving him the cold shoulder ever since the first day of his musical performance and Harry doesn't knowwhat to do nor say after so long.

Before he can even come up with anything wise, Louis barges into the kitchen with a deep frown on his face — which is so sad, really. Louis shouldn't frown like that, not when he's so bright when he smiles.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Harry just stands there, looking at the one he's missing so much for months. He feels like he can breathe again as soon as their eyes meet, but Harry also feels like he's being accused of something he doesn't even know. He wants to ask Louis why that, out of all things, would be the first thing he has to say after not seeing Harry for so long. He wants to ask Louis why he sounds so angry, even after all the time Harry's given him to think about everything and not be angry anymore — that's what he was supposed to do, right? Give him time to heal so they could maybe be friends again? Why does Louis sound everything but healed, now?

"What do you mean?"Harry asks instead because, truly, he wants to know what he means.

"You know, it's funny," Louis walks until he's right in front of Harry from across the counter, placing his hands on it and leaning in as if he wants to set Harry's body on fire with his eyes. "How you threw a fit back when I didn't mention Yale, even though you didn't even know the whole story."

Harry blinks at him, speechless. Why is he saying this? It's Thanksgiving, for crying out loud — they should be making amends and telling each other how they can move on from what's happened and thank each other for what they meant to one another as long as it lasted. Why is Louis bringing this up? It kind of makes Harry's blood boil, actually. Louis has no right to step into this house after months ignoring Harry and throw things at his face as if he's the one to blame for everything.

"I wasn't going to go, you know?"Louis admits after a long deep sigh, running one of his hands through his hair and Harry is so  _angry_.Harry is so angry that Louis has the audacity to come back and say these things. "I hadn't given them an answer yet, but I wasn't going to go, because even though it was what I wanted, it still wasn't what I needed."

Harry opens his mouth to say something because he feels like he needs to, otherwise, he'll explode with his ticking-time-bomb of a heart,but Louis beats him to it and doesn't let him speak _._  "You came up with your own stupid conclusions as if I didn't care about you and Nina and now you're doing the same thing? Actually, it's kind of worse, really." _,_ he says and Harry wants to shout out how he's being an asshole because he doesn't know where this is going.

"Louis," He starts, but when Louis sends daggers at him with his piercing blue eyes, he shuts up and swallows dry, because he has never seen him quite like this. This is different from every Louis he has known for the months they'd been together — this Louis is angry but he's hurt, so hurt, and there's a hint of disappointment in his eyes, like he's been betrayed and Harry doesn't understand.

"You're selling the house?"Louis asks, but it's more of an affirmative than an interrogative sentence and then Harry gets it. "You're selling the fucking house and you didn't think to mention it to me?"

"Louis, I don't —"

"No! You don't get to turn this around and make me look like I've done you wrong and that this isn't the same."He slams his hands on the counter and the sound echoes in the kitchen, making Harry widen his eyes, breath quick and shallow. "This is home, alright? This is Kaitlyn's and Eric's and you can't just decide it's your right to fucking sell it to whoever crosses the street on a sunny Sunday!"

"Louis, you're not living here anymore." Harry states after a second of silence, his voice shaky with anger and hurt. "You're not living in this house nor in this city anymore and you can't expect —"

"Because you literally made me fucking go across the country!"

"Are you serious right now? I made you go?"

"Well, you wouldn't let me stay here, would you?"

"I didn't buy your tickets and I didn't send your application to Yale."Harry crosses his arms over his chest because he suddenly feels defenseless and there's nothing that can protect him from his own weakness.

"I wanted to fucking stay, Harry!" Louis snaps, slamming his hands on the counter one more time before running them over his face with a groan. "I wanted to stay and you wouldn't let me because you set your mind to this stupid scenario where I don't care about you at all."His eyes meet Harry's and Harry doesn't want him to see how weak he looks right now, but he doesn't look away, and that moment they look into each other's eyes is enough to tear down every wall Harry'sthought to ever build upto protect himself from heartache."And now you're selling the house without even have talked to me about it first."

"You're not living here anymore!" It's Harry's turn to snap as he repeats the same thing he's said a few moments ago, and he regrets it the moment his loud outburst echoes through the kitchen and hits Louis hard in the face, making his eyes swollen red and him blinking a few times as if to send the tears away. He doesn't let it get to him, though; doesn't let Louis' hurt expression make him back away from this because he too is hurt. "You don't live here anymore. You went off to New Haven and you don't get a say in this anymore! I can't pay this house's bills all by myself! Why do you get to walk away and I get to be stuck here? _You left!"_

"Because you told me to!" Louis snaps right back, then. He hasn't moved from his spot facing Harry across the counter ever since he got there. His eyes are as dark blue as ever, and his neck is a bit red from how angry he is. "I don't know what I did to makeyou have this sick image of me, that I'd leave because I didn't care enough. Are you kidding me?!"

Harry wants to throw the whole damn turkey at Louis' face so he can shut the fuck up already. Who does he think he is to say these things to him? As if he's the one to blame for all this shit? Harry is a victim as well — Louis left and he hadn't been talking to him for months.

"Shut up!" Harry does throw something at him — the first thing he can get besides the big turkey, a kitchen cloth. "Just shut the fuck up, okay?"His voice is shaky, he realizes that, but what would it make of him if he gave in to how much he needs to cry right now? He stands his ground and never looks away from Louis' eyes. "If you don't want me to sell the house, then you come back and live here by yourself. I'm not staying here. Nor me, nor Nina. In fact, I'm even thinking of leaving Seattle for good, and it's not up to you!"

His hands are shaking, so he places them flat on the counter so Louis doesn't see how this stupid argument is getting to him. However, he can clearly see how the last bit of his sentence got to Louis himself — it's like he's not even breathing anymore. His face is blank from an expression, though, which means he probably doesn't even know what to say anymore.

"You're leaving Seattle?" He repeats, blinking slowly and waiting for Harry's confirmation like he has nothing else to do.

"Yes. In fact, maybe I'll live with Jordan. He's asked me to." Harry crosses his arms over his chest and swallows down the lump in his throat.

"Did he, now." Louis chuckles humorlessly, shaking his head in disbelief. "You know what, Harry? Go on, do it. Sell the house, move away from Seattle and make a life with perfect little Jordan." He finally steps away from the counter, shrugging as if he doesn't give a single fuck about what Harry's said. "But you know I have a say in Nina's life as well, don't you? You can't simply take her away like this. What do you think the Judge will say once I go on trial against your ass for this?"

Harry frowns, his heart beating so fast it could burst into pieces right now and then. "You wouldn't. Louis, you're not fucking here!" It's Harry's turn, one more time, to slam his hands on the counter. "You're not here. You haven't been here!"

"Just  _—"_ Louis shakes his head again, walking away from the kitchen backward, eyes glued to Harry's. "Just do it all. Everything you've just said. Do it."And then he's out of the kitchen, leaving Harry with the memory of his watery eyed and shaky voice.

"Happy Thanksgiving!" Harry hears Louis' say from the living room before there's the loud sound of the front door slamming shut.

Harry allows himself to cry then, and he does it for long five minutes until he picks himself up and holds the turkey tray up to take it to the dining room and place it to the dinner table where everything's all set, and just then he realizes that everyone must have heard everything Louis and him just argued — yelled — about, and then he's mortified.

He also allows himself to pretend there was no one out there to hear them and walks into the living room with a smile on his face. "Dinner's served, everyone."

His neighbors give him a look but doesn't say anything and just quietly walk to the dining room with forced smiles on their faces. Harry smiles right back. Then there's Ellie, Lucca, and Niall — with a crying Nina in his arms, with her little arms reaching to the door, probably crying for Louis — looking at him with an expression that Harry doesn't want to look much further into or he'll fall apart right there. There's also his mother standing next to Jordan, who's giving him the saddest eyes and Harry can't take it. He wants to  _leave_.

"Harry, sweetie," His mother starts but he shakes his head no, he can't listen to what his mother has to say to him right now, otherwise he'll cry again.

"Mom, no." He says and she nods in understanding, walking away to join his group of friendly neighbors in the other room.

"Harry." Jordan steps in front of him and Harry was expecting him to be pissed at everything he's just heard, but his voice is soft and kind and it makes Harry want to cry even more than he already did. God, he's a mess. "Talk to me?"

Harry sighs deeply and runs one of his hands over his face, taking his time to think of what he's even supposed to say, all the while his three friends awkwardly standing in front of the TV as Nina keeps crying over and over.

"I'm sorry you had to listen to that." Harry decides on apologizing because it's the safest thing to say, as quiet as he can so only Jordan can hear him. "I really am."

"It's okay," Jordan tells him and it hurts because, no, it's not okay at all. "That talk was meant to happen sooner or later, right?"

"It was just a stupid fight." Harry huffs a humorless laugh and Jordan frowns at him, thoughtful, his eyes ever so kind. "Just a damn fight."

"Harry," Jordan holds Harry's elbows softly and smiles sadly at him. "Remember when I told you about my failed wedding with a man I thought was the love of my life?"

Harry blinks at him, surprised he's bringing this up now. "Yeah, sure.", he says carefully, looking at Jordan with attentive and tired eyes.

"If I still had a stupid fight with him like that, he'd still be the love of my life and we'd still be married."

"Jordan," Harry shakes his head because  _no_ , no. He's not right. He looks over to his friends and they still have the same expression on their faces, and Harry doesn't want any of this. "Can we have dinner,  _please_?"

Jordan sighs and nods his head slowly, eyes never leaving Harry."Of course. I've been waiting for this moment for hours"

It hurts Harry's heart that Jordan is so comprehensive, and it hurts more now that his friends are giving him those pity eyes like he could break at any moment. It hurts even more that Nina is still crying when he holds her tight in his arms, and then so much more when every single word Louis said runs through his mind at dinner. It hurts a lot worse when he forces himself to give a speech saying how thankful he is for everyone's presence and for what the year's brought to him when in reality he's aching with the loss of who's he's most thankful for.


	21. But I Don't Want To

It's one week before Christmas and Harry has started packing  _—_ even though he and Nina aren't leaving until the two days before the holiday. It's just that he's nervous and anxious and he doesn't really know what to do and how to handle the situation.

Jordan isn't around anymore and he hasn't been ever since that Thanksgiving day. _They've talked —_ mostly Jordan's talked, saying everything Harry wasn't ready to hear, like how he's in love with Louis and it isn't the end of the world, since Louis clearly is in love with him too and all they have to do is properly talk and figure things out(Jordan words, literally, always so understanding).

Of course, that hasn't happened, and it probably won't since Harry is taking off in a week and doesn't pretend to look back  _— Louis can fuck right off,_ is what he thinks. He's tired of wondering.

Therefore, that leaves him on this frantic Tuesday evening as he finishes packing up Nina's things, leaving out only the essential for the rest of the week until it's time for them to leave. Niall is sitting on the little bed by the crib with her in his arms, looking at Harry with careful eyes while Nina plays with the rings on his fingers, just like she always does with Harry.

"I didn't think you'd really go." Niall says the same thing for the third time in an hour since he arrived. "Why are you going, again?"He asks with a humorless chuckle and Harry sighs and stops what he's doing to look at his friend with pleading eyes.

"I'm going because I need to go and because I miss being home with my family." He states as if it's some script he's read a thousand times. "I've told you this already and I thought you understood? You told me you did. The bakery will be fine, Niall, I trust you. And we'll see each other as much as we can, I'll make sure it's every two weeks."

"You're an asshole." Niall huffs and Harry blinks at him. "I can't believe you're moving because of Louis. He's not even here anymore!"

Harry rolls his eyes and goes back to putting Nina's teddy-bears in a box. "That didn't stop him from threatening to sue my ass off." Harry scoffs, annoyed. "He's the asshole."

"Hole!"Nina yells out of sudden and Harry widens his eyes, looking at her.

"Niall! Look what you've done!"He looks at his friend, livid. "Nina, no. Don't say that."

"She just said it because you said it!"Niall accuses him, smiling amusedly as Nina giggles wildly.

"That's not funny, Niall!"He frowns at him. "Nina, no! Niall, stop laughing!"

"Dada! No, no, no!"Nina chants loudly between giggles as she claps her hands, smiling big at Niall.

"I can't handle you two."

"You know this isn't right for her, right?" Niall asks, not really looking for an answer as he watches Harry moving around the room, grabbing every other little toy to fit in the box. "This is her home. Kaitlyn would want her to grow up here."

"Niall, she won't remember any of this. She's barely two and she doesn't even go to school yet. Kaitlyn would want what's best for her and I believe going with me it's what's best for her. Don't tell me what Kaitlyn would want because I do know what she'd want, alright?" He snaps, voice shaky and hands trembling because suddenly this is too much — Kaitlyn would know what to do and what to say and he misses her way too much.

Harry wants to go back home because at least he'll have his mother to reason him when things are confusing and his sister to tell him to shut up from time to time. Nina will have a grandmother around to care for her when Harry isn't around until she can go to school and this is good. It's all good and it is what's best for both of them. It's time for a change and Harry wants it. He can rent a small place for him and Nina to live and they'll be happy.

"What did the social worker tell you about this?"

"I've talked to her and she told me that as long as I'm doing it with Nina's best interesting in mind, I should go. I'm meeting her the day before our flight."

"Well," Niall sighs after placing a kiss on Nina's forehead. "If that's what you believe will make you and this little one happy, go for it. I'm just gonna miss you two like crazy."

"We're gonna miss you too, Niall." Harry looks at him with a soft and weak smile before going back to putting stuff away into the box.

That's how they spend most of the night after Nina's put to sleep and until they are both too tired to even say a word, both of them sleeping on opposite sides of the couch.

 

_***_

 

"I must say, Harry, when I read your e-mail a few weeks back telling me that everything was fine except your relationship with Louis, I wanted to write that I told you so."It's what Lena, the social worker, says after greeting him with a brief hug, getting into the house when he steps aside to let her in. "But since I didn't, I'll allow myself to tell you now."

Harry chuckles lightly, nodding his head as he leads her to the living room free of toys since he's packed that all away. "I'd say that's not really up to you, but I don't want you to take my baby away from me."

Lena smiles amusedly at him when she sits on the chair across from the couch he's sat on.

After their second meeting, they've only had one more, and since then they have been speaking via e-mails — all of them with her asking about Nina's routine and how things are going, and the last one he's got from her was related to his latest one telling her about the move and the split with Louis.  _"I won't say you can't move from the house because I know by now that you always think of Nina first before making any decision — except that one time you and Louis decided to sleep together."_ was the first lines of her response and it made Harry smile _._ He would even consider her as a friend.

"How are you?"She asks him with a soft smile.

He shrugs because he doesn't really know how to answer the question. How is he? He's fine, probably. He's okay, but he's been better. He could be better, but his mind and heart won't really let him, so it's kind of difficult to make a change. He's excited with the move, but there's still something holding him back  _—_ as if he won't be as happy as he thinks he will when he moves. There's alwaysa voice in the back of his head saying: what if Nina won't be as happy as she is here? What if it all goes wrong? What if?  _—_ he ignores it, though, because he needs this. Nina needs this. They need a change, and he needs his mother. It'll all be fine.

"I'll be fine." It's what he says eventually and she nods understandingly, eyes comprehensive and attentive.

"I'm sure you will." She says. "I'm no psychologist or shrink, but how are you feeling about the move and everything? It won't be that much of a change for Nina, but it'll be for you."

"I'm looking forward to it, it's been a long time since I've been home." He tells her, shrugging one more time. "As I said, I'll be fine."

"You mentioned something about Jordan, Nina's doctor, right? How did he handle the news?"

"It wasn't the move that made him walk away." Harry chuckles humorlessly. "But I'd rather not talk about it."

"If you say so, but feel free to open up if you'd like. I promise I'm a good listener." She smiles and he nods. "But anyways, I'm here to give you my official blessing in person: you may go back to Idaho with Nina, even though I have no idea why you'd chose to move away from our beautiful evergreen state."

"Changes are good from time to time."

"Harry, my dear, you've had a huge change in your life when Nina was thrown into your arms for you to take care of her. Wasn't that enough of a change already?"She stands up from the armchair and he follows her behind when she starts walking away to the door. "You have a nice flight, darling. Send kisses to Nina for me, will you? She's a sweetheart. Is she napping?"

"Yeah, thank goodness." He admits and they chuckle quietly as he opens the door. "Thank you for coming, Lena."

"You're welcome." She steps outside and turns around to look at him with careful eyes. "You know, even though I told you and Louis that it wasn't right for you both to be a thing, I kind of got used to the idea, and I could see you worked well together the last time I came here. I must say it also saddens me that you've broken up."

He blinks at her, surprised. He's always thought she was completely against the idea of Louis and him together.

"I could see, really, in the way you acted around each other. Like in the movies." She says and it hurts his heart a little bit. "See you, Harry. Let me know when you land safely."

He finishes packing with a terrible headache because he can't stop thinking about what Lena's said.

 

_***_

 

It's moving back to Idaho day and it's a chaos.

Nina seems to be picking up at what is really going on and can't stop being a menace, which means she's being messier than normal and whiningly louder than usual _—_ she started crying like a mad baby when Niall sang Twinkle, Twinkle little star, her favorite song. She even slapped Harry right on the face when he softly told her to stop screaming.

"Why is she like this today?"Harry sighs deeply as he stands side by side with Niall and Ellie, the three of them staring at a very loud crying baby on the floor, as dramatic as she can get only because Harry said it's lunch time and she doesn't want to eat, apparently.

"Maybe she's realized she's not going to see me every day." Niall says matter-of-factly, as if there's nothing else that could be truer than that.

"If anything, she's glad about it, Niall."Ellie states in a flat tone and it makes Harry crack a quiet laugh, sparing his eyes from the crying baby for a moment just so he can see Niall's priceless face.

"Excuse me, Ellie, this baby loves me!"

"It didn't look like it when you started torturing her with your terrible voice, ruining her favorite song."She says, raising her brows challengingly and getting a deep frown from Niall in response.

"This is terrible." Harry deadpans, pointing at the still crying Nina with his hands. "Once she realizes she's feeling like this because of me, she's gonna hate my guts." He widens his eyes at his friends. "She already kinda does, actually, because I think she knows Louis hasn't been living here anymore because I basically kicked him out."

"Harry, she's one."Ellie tells him, annoyed.

"She's a smart baby girl!"

"Jesus, shut the fuck up. You have to be at the airport in two and a half hours. Just finish packing what's left and let's fucking go."Niall slaps the back of Harry's head.

"Niall," He groans. "Next time, I swear I'll cur your hands right off."

"Fuck off."

Nina stops crying then, looking up at the three of them with res puffy eyes, stuffing three of her right hand's fingers right into her mouth before messily saying, "Fuck off!" _,_ which sounds more like  _fugoff_ , and that makes Harry want to punch Niall in the face.

"Niall!"He scowls like a madman, but Niall is already taking off to wherever inside the house, laughing loudly as he makes his way away from Harry. "I'll kill you!"

"Dada _fugoff_ "Nina giggles, mouth still stuffed with small fingers.

"Nina, for crying out loud. Stop saying whatever Niall says! It's a good thing we're not gonna see him as much, you cheeky little girl."

"Call me when she's seventeen because I want to see you bald." Ellie laughs and Harry blinks at her.

"Get away from me."

She does, and one hour later Harry is ready to lock the door to the house one last time, and he pretends it doesn't break his heart, but by the time they get to the airport, his heart has shattered to tiny little pieces.

 

_***_

 

There are twenty minutes until Harry and Nina have to board, and he hopes she finally wakes up by then, because he's really looking forward to having to wake her up just so she will start crying like a mad baby, all moody like she's been all day long.

It's been forty minutes since both of them said their goodbyes to Niall and Ellie, and Harry didn't take too long doing so — he's terrible at goodbyes, he finds it too hard to deal with. And now he's sitting in the waiting hall with a sleeping baby in his arms, waiting for one of the flight attendants inform through the speakers that it's time to go.

There's a cup of coffee in his hand free of Nina's small body that he's bought before they found their way to where they should be waiting, which means it's been a while now. He forgets about that for a moment when he brings the cup to his mouth to take a sip and regrets it immediately — the coffee is as cold and terrible as it could be and it leaves a sour taste in his mouth. 

He frowns at the cup in his hand when he realizes that's exactly how he's been feeling for the past few long weeks since it's been just him and Nina — cold, terrible and sour. Well, it's not that he's been unhappy, not at all. It's just that it hasn't been the same ever since, which it's probably wanted a change in the first place, now that he thinks about it. 

Harry isn't moving because of Louis, but because of the fact that him leaving left an emptiness behind that Harry can't seem to find what will fill it. 

He's glad that Nina is still too young to really feel it, but Harry feels it too much and it hurts. He admitted it to himself when he realized it hurt, even more, to pretend the ache wasn't there. It's also easy to walk away from the emptiness than to face it and try to fill it with something or someone that won't fit. Harry knows that, which is why here's sitting right on this spot with Nina in his arms, waiting for the plane that will fly him away from all of this.

And he's okay with that, he really is, even though it still hurts a little bit to think about  _before._

He looks down at Nina who's quietly blinking her eyes open and he smiles sweetly at her, his heart warming up to her soft features and small hand curling around his thumb when he reaches to touch her delicate nose. "Hello there, sleepy.", he says after placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

Since she's never up for quietness, she sits up on his lap right away and looks around with wide blue eyes, ever so attentive to everything surrounding her. For a moment, she seems to spot something that catches her eye, because she stops for a second before she starts wiggling up and down on Harry's lap with the biggest grin she's let out all morning. He follows her line of sight to look what's gotten her so hype and it doesn't take long for him to find it. Or better yet, who.

It feels like his heart is going to explode in his chest and he's going to turn into a bunch of little balls of anxiety and relief, if that makes sense at all. He also feels like he's in one of those movies where the main character waits for the love of their life to do something about their terrible and heartbreaking situation, and suddenly this is all so silly. Harry feels silly as his heart beats so fast he could literally have a heart attack right away. 

He's so hyped that he can't even hear Nina chanting  _papa, papa, papa_ , all over again while she claps her hands happily and looks at Harry with the biggest smile. 

He can't hear anything because it's Louis walking towards them  — running, more like. He looks like he's been running for a while, really, because the closer he gets, more Harry can see how sweaty he is and also how extremely and painfully beautiful. Harry feels like he's going to die. He doesn't even know if this is real Maybe he fell asleep right after Nina did and this is just a dream. His mind can be mean to him sometimes, really.

"Papa! Dada  — Papa!" From Harry's lap, Nina points at Louis, who's now standing in front of them both, gasping for air as he places his hands on his knees and takes his time to breathe. " _Papa!_ " She screams excitedly and jumps out of Harry's lap, throwing herself at one of Louis' legs and hugging it for dear life.

Harry is blinking at the sight, shocked, while Louis is smiling sweetly and kneeling down in front of her to place a soft kiss on her cheeks. "I've missed you, baby girl," he whispers against her cheek and hugs her tight to stand up, eyes finally meeting Harry's wide ones.

"Louis." Harry manages to say, voice shaky and hoarse. He can't even make himself stand up so they're face to face. His legs are numb. "What. You're here. What are you doing here?"

"Because I needed to be here." Louis tells him simply and easily, without thinking twice.

"But this is Seattle." Harry blinks, feeling like he could burst into tears right there. "Why aren't you in New Haven?"

"Because I don't live there anymore."

Harry widens his eyes and Louis sits down next to him with Nina still in his arms, head softly laying on his shoulders  — she'll probably fall asleep again in no time. 

"What do you mean?" He asks dumbly, even though he knows exactly what that means. He just needs time to process it all.

"I live in Seattle." Louis says. "Because this is home."

"What."

"I got here last night, to be honest." Louis sighs and places his cheek on the top of Nina's head, his eyes never leaving Harry's. Not once. "Harry, I'm so sorry."

"Louis."

"No, listen to me, please." He reaches out to hold one of Harry's hand and squeezes it tight. "I love you."

"Louis." Harry repeats, swallowing dry and pressing his lips together when Louis shakes his head  _no_ , silently asking him not to say anything.

"I love you so much. I love Nina so much. These past few months have been the hell of my life and it's all because you and Nina weren't with me, and I feel so stupid that I thought I could go on with just coming here a few times a month to see her but never see you." He chuckles quietly and Nina sits on his lap to look up at him talking, blinking her big blue eyes up at him. "I love you too much to let you go, so please, don't."

Harry is staring at him with his heart going crazy inside his chest and he doesn't know what to say. He wants to tell Louis that he loves him too, so much  — has loved him for so long. But he also wants to tell him that this is a terrible moment, he's too fragile and too vulnerable to say anything like that.

"Why didn't you come sooner." It's what comes out of his mouth before he can even think about it, and it sounds more like a statement than a question.

"If I came here as soon as I realized that, you wouldn't have accepted me back because you were moving on."

"What do you mean, Louis?" Harry frowns at him, a small flame of anger burning at the back of his mind and making his heart race a little bit more.

"You were with Jordan and you seemed happy. I wouldn't ruin that for you after everything."

"You're an ass!" He kind of yells and some people look at him weirdly, which makes him frown even deeper at Louis. "Happy? I've been unbearable and miserable ever since you left, even Nina's noticed!"

"Stop yelling, will you." Louis asks softly, squeezing Harry's hands once again, but he yanks it away from him. "Harry, please."

"You know what? No. You can't do this, Louis. You're saying you've wanted to come back for a while, then? And just now decided to do it? Now that I've planned everything to move back home? What do you think you're doing? This isn't funny!"

"I've wanted to come back ever since the first day I left, Harry." Louis admits, a sad expression wearing his face. "But I knew how mad you were at me, even if I did come back, you would've sent me away again."

"Well, I'm sending you away right now." Harry stands up from the chair and looks down at him. 

Nina is pouting, looking between the both of them with teary eyes  — she may be an almost two-year-old baby girl, but she knows when someone is sad, or when someone is angry, especially when it's Harry. 

"I'm not going anywhere." Louis states, blinking up at Harry.

"We are! Okay, Louis? Stop this! We're about to board in a few minutes and you're just making Nina upset!"

"I want to be home, Harry." Louis stands up after putting Nina to sit on the chair Harry was on. "I want to be home. Please, let me be home."

They're face to face, now, and there's a lump on Harry's throat that he can't swallow. His eyes are burning with angry tears and he hates Louis right now. "What if I said you're too late?", he asks quietly, and he isn't quite sure he means that. 

"I'd beg you to let me go back in time." Louis tells him as he reaches for his hands, lacing their fingers together. "You're my home, Harry. You and Nina. I need you to feel like I'm home, because I don't belong anywhere if not with you."

"I miss you." Harry admits in a whisper. "But you've hurt me."

"Harry," Louis takes one step closer so their noses are almost touching. "You've hurt me too when you didn't give me a chance to explain or tell you that I'd rather be with you than anything else, you know that? And I kind of hated you for a few weeks before it started being too hard to stand it, really. I wanted to be back, but I didn't want to come back if it meant you'd hate me even more."

"Why are you here now, then? What makes you so sure I don't hate you even more?"

"I'm sure you do, a little bit." Louis smiles weakly, looking at Nina briefly before looking back at Harry. "But I'm here now because I know you want me to be. I should've told you this on Thanksgiving day instead of fighting you."

"You should have." 

"Would you have said it back?"

"No." Harry shakes his head and it's true. He probably wouldn't have. "But I would've shown you somehow."

Louis nods, understanding, a soft smile on his lips. "Please, show me now."

"How do I know you're not gonna run away the first chance you've got? It's not just me, Louis." Harry looks at Nina, who's looking up at them with attentive eyes. He looks back at Louis. "It's me  _and_ Nina."

Before Harry can even understand what is happening, Louis is down on one knee, holding up a black velvet box with the most beautiful ring inside and he's shaking. Louis is shaking and Harry is shaking and his heart feels like it's exploding with so much adrenaline he feels like he could die and come back to life twice. 

There's Louis, looking up at him with the prettiest smile Harry will ever be lucky to see with a beautiful ring to match and Harry can't take it because it's too much. He's panting, he realizes that, like he's just run a marathon and hasn't drunk water for days. This is the craziest moment of his life and suddenly he feels like he could conquer the world as long as Louis looks at him that way for the rest of his life, really. 

Louis is crazy  — this can't be right. Is this for real? Harry no longer knows what's reality and fantasy. He can't tell the difference. 

"Is this answer enough for you?" Louis asks and that's the worst proposal Harry's ever seen.

He laughs, then. He laughs so hard his jaw hurts from how wide he's smiling. He laughs so hard that it infects Nina, who starts giggling sweetly from the chair she's sitting on, watching the scene in front of her like she's watching a movie.

Louis is smiling, still on his knees and Harry can't take it anymore, kneeling in front of him with his hands cupping Louis' jaw. "You're the craziest little shit I've ever met.", he says quietly after his laughter has quieted down. "But yes, Louis. This is more than enough."

"Do I need to say the four official words, then?" Louis smiles wider, leaning into Harry's touch.

"God, no. This is embarrassing enough."

And then Harry kisses him. Right there as one of the flight attendants let people know through the speakers that it's time to board, and Harry doesn't care. He doesn't care because after so long he's kissing Louis again, and Louis is kissing him back. They're kissing and holding each other like one of them could run away at any moment.

They kiss until Nina's had enough of all that and tries to get in between them both, giggling her way in. "Papa!", she yells excitedly and jumpy, " _fugoff!_ "

Harry widens his eyes before laughing loudly at Louis reaction  — eyes wide and confused as he stares at Nina, as if looking for a kind of explanation.

"I'll tell you when we're home." Harry says with a smile and Louis looks at him, eyes soft and bright.

They're going home.


	22. EPILOGUE

_TWO YEARS LATER_

 

Harry's in the kitchen finishing the last details of his favorite birthday cake he's ever made — it's even prettier than the one he's made for Nina's two-year-old birthday party _._ This one is bigger, just like her — god, she's turning four already, this is crazy. How come time flies like this, in a blink of an eye?  _—,_ this one is more colorful and it's brighter than the sun shining outside, which is funny because it's January and it shouldn't be this sunny. It snowed three days ago, but the universe decided to be nice and kind and make it stop on this very special day. It's a beautiful day, just like his baby girl deserves it to be.

There are at least twenty people in the house — well, if he's counting the kids running around the house like crazy, then it's probably around forty. Nina made sure that she wanted all of her school friends to go, including the ones that aren't in the same classroom as her, and also a bunch of people in the neighborhood that she cares so much about. Harry invited them all, because who is he if not the one who does everything and anything to make his little girl happy?

"The kids are wild out there."

He looks up from the cake to see Louis walking into the kitchen with a wide smile and bright eyes looking at Harry. He's always looking at Harry  _—_ well, that's when Nina isn't around to steal all the attention from the room _—_ with soft eyesand sweet smile.

"Please don't let them break anything. Take them outside." Harry says with a sigh, going back to finishing the last details of Nina's cake. "I know it's cold, but they're hyped enough to not even feel it. Plus, it's sunny!"

Louis chuckles softly and steps in behind Harry, putting his arms around Harry's waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. "It can get even colder when it's sunny, sometimes."

"That doesn't make any sense." Harry huffs and turns around to wrap his arms around Louis' neck.

"I know." Louis pecks Harry's lips with a smile. "But it happens."

"Hi," Harry grins, pecking Louis' lips one more time. "I haven't seen you ever since Nina took you away from me to show you her best friends ever."

"I know, right?" Louis laughs, squeezing his arms around his waist. "She has twenty best friends, that's what she said."

"I can't believe she's _you._ "

"I don't have that many friends."

"But you would if you wanted to, because you befriend everyone who walks past you."Harry raises his brows, smiling. "So friendly, you."

"You've just described yourself."

Harry shrugs, leaning in to kiss him again. "I made a cake."

"It's a good thing you did, otherwise, Nina would kick your ass."Louis widens his eyes dramatically, chuckling a bit after.

"I meant,"Harry bites his bottom lip softly, leaning away then. "I made  _us_  a cake."

"You did?" Louis blinks at him, surprised.

"We did get married two days after Nina's birthday."

"Oh. Are we celebrating our anniversary today, too?"Louis grins, sliding his hands down to Harry's ass and squeezing it. "I thought we were celebrating it by ourselves."

"Damn right we're celebrating by ourselves." Harry nods seriously and it makes Louis grin wider. _"_ But Nina wants us to celebrate it today, too."

"What?" Louis chuckles.

"I know, right? She remembered when I told her that we got married right after her birthday and she had an amazing idea that we should have two cakes. One for her and one for us. _"_

"She's a menace." He says. "Just like you."

"What?!" Harry laughs, squeezing his eyes shut. "Me, huh?"

"That's right." Louis licks his lips as his eyes darken. Harry holds his breath. "I handle you, though. I'll do it tonight when we —"

"Papa!" There comes Nina running and throwing herself against Louis' legs, holding it tight. "You said it's quick!"

The both of them look down at her after taking one step away from each other."What did I say?" _,_ Louis asks with an amused smile.

"Come play, papa!" Nina pulls on Louis' sweater. "Ronnie says you are the most funner man ever."

"The most fun, love." Harry corrects her and she looks at him confused.

"I said that, dada!"

"Okay," Harry chuckles, raising his brows at her. "What about me? Am I not the most fun?"

"You are, dada." She nods seriously, looking up at him all the while still pulling on Louis' sweater. "But papa is more."

Harry looks at Louis, who's looking back at him with an amused smile.

"That's because you always do what she wants," Harry tells him knowingly, narrowing his eyes at him. "I'm the one who tells her to eat her greens and I end up being the bad guy, see?"

"Dada!" Nina stomps one of her feet and looks at him as if he betrayed her. A look of disbelief on her face. "You said no greens today!"

"Jesus. Yes, Nina. No greens today, that's the deal. Only yummy things."

"Yummy things like cake and candies and corndogs."She states, counting every unhealthy food she says on her fingers.

"Nina, I'll be right there with dada to sing happy birthday, okay? Why don't you go around telling everyone to get ready for the cake?"Louis tells her and there's no need to tell her twice since she flashes out of the kitchen, yelling that it's time to sing happy birthday.

"God help us when she's fifteen." Harry murmurs and looks back at Louis. "That girl is wild."

"She's an angel." Louis laughs. "You raised her right."

Harry smiles softly and places a kiss on Louis' forehead. "We did it together.", he says honestly.

"I guess we did." Louis nods. "Happy birthday to us, then."

Harry giggles  _—_ because, really, even after all this time, that's the reaction Louis gets out of him every time: a giggling man.

"Happy indeed." Harry pecks his lips one last time. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

" _Papaaaaaaaaa!_ "They hear Nina screaming from the living room, where she's probably impatiently waiting for them to appear with her cake.

"I guess we should go before she hunts us down." Louis widens his eyes dramatically and steps away from Harry's hold, walking to the door.

"Lou," Harry calls for him and he turns around, their eyes meeting once again  _—_ it always feels like it's the first time Harry's seeing those kinds of blues.

"Yeah?" Louis smiles softly as he stands by the door.

"Thank you for always making it feel like home."

Louis seems to melt, and that makes Harry melt along with him. They just stand there, looking at each other until Louis smiles wide and nods slowly.

"I'll see you out there with the cake." He says, eyes bright. "Babycakes."

Harry chuckles lightly and then Louis is out of the kitchen, leaving Harry alone to grab the cake and take it out so Nina won't kick his ankle like she does every time she's mad at him.

He looks at the golden thick ring on his left ring finger and he feels his heart flutter with so much love and fondness.

Harry is home.


End file.
